In which I jabber about feeeellllliiiiinngggsss

[lipsoflove]

Oh, Eljay, where have you been? I have missed you and our cuddles and never want to part ways again! I have seriously been trying to post for three weeks now, but life keeps darting in the way. Work was so busy at times that it would not let me do non-work things while I was there (the silliness!). Then, sleepiness would take its toll, or delicious tennis would happen, or some bastards would attack my dear ol' LJ, etc.

Well, I am here to rectify the situation! Update time!

• A few weekends ago I celebrated my 26th birthday. It was awesome-tastic. Hung out with Rheddhi Friday night, when we geeked out about Androids and made a midnight store run (my favorite). On Saturday, my beloved friend Chelcie came up to visit for the b-day extravaganza, but we hung out - just the two of us - beforehand.
  
  
  • Seeing her always makes me extremely happy. I was having a bit of a depressed morning before she came (waking up on the wrong side of the bed or having a quarterlife crisis maybe), but hanging with her definitely lifted my spirits and got me excited about my birthday/living again. We have such a unique comradarie, and I say things in a different and clearer way when I'm around her. Also, she always surprises me with her witty one-liners and peace of spirit.
    
    
  • I was very nervous about the dinner that I was having that night. Who would show up? Who would not show up? Any drama magnets? I also told Chelcie that I have so many friends from different social groups that it is always interesting to see how well the night will turn out.
    
    
  • I was not disappointed in the least; in fact, I was flattered, humbled, and felt like a fool for thinking that I was not as loved/liked as I am. People I had not seen for years (and didn't invite because I hadn't seen them for years) came by and made my night with the lovely friends that I do see quite frequently and adore.
    
    
  • We had dinner at Mellow Mushroom followed by delicious drinks at Hudson's (gotta end the night with five-dollar martinis). I would have liked to have seen some other good fellows, but as we get older, conflicts, distance, etc, get in our way and make it harder for ginormous group hangouts. One thing that I adore the most about big dinners with your favorite peeps is that you can plan more while you are there. Several hangouts are now set in motion with these angels of loving friendship, and I for one am very excited.
    
    
  • Also thanks to corinne_c for the lovely picnic basket and kind words! You are a doll, and I so appreciated your thinking of me.
  
  
• I gots a new phonz! The weekend before the Big 26, my good ol' Samsung Messager started to turn off randomly. I don't know if it was because of impact or heat, but it made me hella nervous. I have been salivating over the Samsung Galaxy S for a few months now, but I had not gotten the dough together to purchase that dream, so I did some research for a couple of days and got the LG Optimus M. It's a pretty nice phone. I will get the Galaxy, but this one will definitely do me well in the mean time. Also, as mentioned above, I am quite ecstatic over Androids in general, so I am not complaining.
  
  Any other Android nerds out there (besides my kindred spirit redline6561)? I wanna know your favorite apps!
  
  
• I ran into my old college bud Yvonne almost exactly a month ago. I haven't seen her in about four years! It was serendipity at its finest. Whenever Yvonne and I have a conversation, somehow we always end on the topic of love. ALWAYS. Not a time has gone by, that I can remember, where that has not happened. I think it is because we are both Leos and very similar in our ways of thinking.
  
  
  • I say meeting her was serendipity because I was at the end of my Patience Journey with The Boy. I tried (kind of) but it was gnawing at me, and I was getting annoyed and starting to resent him, which is the last thing I wanted, so cutting it off seemed to be the right thing to do. *deep breath* However, I saw him that previous weekend after one of his shows, and on that Monday, I had an epiphany. Seeing Yvonne helped me realize that my epiphany was right on the money and that I was right about the path that I wanted to take.
    
    
  • After his show, a ton of people hung around to talk to him, and since I consider myself to be the best damn thing ever (not), I waited until everyone else had spoken with him (to leave a lasting impression you know?). We had a quick two-minute talk and made vague plans to hang out later in the week, and I left somewhat content. As I was walking to work a couple of days later, something made me focus on the people that were talking to him before I got the chance, which in turn made me see a lot more about him.
    
    
  • He is that guy that wants to help everybody, and everybody wants him to help them. He is in demand - a lot! A lot, a lot, actually! And I understand completely because that is the way it was for me in college, and I thrived on it! However, over time, a problem occurs: you can't see how much it is wearing down on you. So subconsciously, you seek out people who are like your refuge and are not demanding of anything that you usually offer. My facebook-hubby, Keith, was that to me, and I to him. I'm beginning to see that I might be that to The Boy. This is fantastic because I could be considered a comfort to him, which I adore; however, I was about to rip that away from him. The second I tell him that I have feelings for him, and he doesn't have them for me, that is it for our friendship. Not because he isn't fantastic, but because he IS. I cannot be around someone that I have feelings for and act like a friendship is okay by me.
    
    
  • So, because I realized that he may need/want me for that, and I don't mind it, and he is kind of that for me right now - I can do this. I can be what he needs. Also, I keep saying that I am ready for love, even the challenges. If this is so, I can't balk at the first sign of something not coming to me immediately. Seeing Yvonne reminded me of that fact. We always talk about patience and compromise and giving in love, so what the hell am I doing forcing a demand, which in the end is an ultimatum, on him? I can be better than that. I know better than that. I am better than that.
    
    
  • I mean, there is more to it than two paragraphs, but that's the gist of it. I mean, eventually, we will have to talk about me and him, but right now, we are good, and his smile is changing; I think he's becoming more aware of something. So, I'll take that as a plus-one and will keep marching forward.

Part II to come.
Remember to love.