. dumb .

[lipsofkerosene]

i feel like the biggest idiot ever. why do i have to like him. i dont get it? hes a loser. hes an asshole. but hes funny, and cute, and hes nice to me. why him though? i could have picked anyone and chosen to like him. since i saw him though. since i spoke to him. since he spoke to me...since he acknowleged me. every time he stops me in the hall. every time he teases me. every time he makes me laugh or smile. everytime he taps me on the arm. every time he tears at my heart.
the thing is. i dont want him. i could never be with him. not like it would ever happen...but if it ever did. id say yes. and take it back after 2 seconds. but id push it to the back of my head because of who he is. because of his stupid gay friends. because i know i would get hurt in the end. but yes because i cant get him out my fucking mind.
hes all i think about. all i talk about. i hate not seeing him, or talking to him. i hate when hes not in clas or at school. its like my day isnt perfect unless he says hi to me.

fuck....am i in love? i dont even know...please god....no, not him.