Actuality
As I drove home last night from my lake house and a spectacular Fourth of July fireworks display, I reflected on the day's events. I thought of the friends I've made at Emory, and the strange places I happened to find them. I thought of my family, and how dear they have become to me ( a feat I would not have imagined possible four years ago). And, as the music played reassuringly from my car speakers (old and replaceable though they are), I began reflecting on older, less pertinent events.
And as I sat, merrily going 11 mph above the posted limit, I found myself facing the unadulterated truth of my life, without regret, eagerness, sorrow, nostalgia, or any of the emotions I had previously experienced in successive waves. I was able to accept my own contentment without residual nerves - I often fear contentment because it may be "tempting the gods." Indeed, it happened to be the first time I can recall reflecting without attempting to imagine alternate outcomes for my past.
This I take to mean a singular, extremely vital thing: I have finally learned how to let some things go. I have a persistent tendency to reevaluate almost every event of my life until I have satisfactorily found just the perfect place to assimilate it into my subconscious. Last night, I stopped walking myself in circles for the first conscious time and - head still reeling - simply looked.
And as I sat, merrily going 11 mph above the posted limit, I found myself facing the unadulterated truth of my life, without regret, eagerness, sorrow, nostalgia, or any of the emotions I had previously experienced in successive waves. I was able to accept my own contentment without residual nerves - I often fear contentment because it may be "tempting the gods." Indeed, it happened to be the first time I can recall reflecting without attempting to imagine alternate outcomes for my past.
This I take to mean a singular, extremely vital thing: I have finally learned how to let some things go. I have a persistent tendency to reevaluate almost every event of my life until I have satisfactorily found just the perfect place to assimilate it into my subconscious. Last night, I stopped walking myself in circles for the first conscious time and - head still reeling - simply looked.