(no subject)
I've noticed that people are different depending on who they are around. I'm not judging you on it and I'm not "hating" it. I'm just mentioning that...I've noticed. It's not a bad thing.
I think I've discovered who "myself" really is, I think:
I'm pretty torn inside. I'm not as spontaneous as I wish I were. I'm shy if I dont know you, so get to know me instead. I don't talk much but that's only because I don't have a lot to say. I'm frail and fragile. It doesnt take much to make me cry. I'm clumsy and a lot goes wrong because I cause it to ruin. I draw better than I paint. Women are my favorite subjects. I don't make jokes. They are never funny. I'm sarcastic and I love to laugh and I hate my body. I have a moderate eating disorder, which is not your concern. I have control of it. I am in love and I dont care if it's mutual or not. I'd still give him everything he ever wanted even if he spit in my face and kicked me to the curb. I'm serious about a lot of things I say, even if I insist I'm joking. I'm a lover for street fashion, which explains my yearning for a city. As cliche and popular as it sounds, I want to be a commercialist fashion photographer. That's the reason I watched top model, if you care. I'm not trying to steal your "thing" I have a passion just like you and this is it. If that fails, I want to do interior design. I've always wanted to be a model but there are too many things wrong with me. I have scars all over my legs which is why you wont ever see me in something other than jeans. I sing well and have always wanted to be in drama. Acting seems so glorious and I wish, I WISH I could be an actress. I'm going to live alone in new york. Or with somebody I've never met. I love strangers and meeting new people. I only trust two people and one of them is myself. One of my best friends, not sure if I should refer to her as a former, and my relationship's is on the rocks. It has been since 7th grade. If this were a race she would be in first place and I would be out of breath in fifth. It's been too long to establish the bond we once had. Our lives are too far apart to ever connect like it used to be. I find myself thinking what it would be like if I had turned another direction. If instead of choosing yes, I chose no. I'm philosophical and I think. More than you know. I'm writing a book. It's almost half done. I've never told anyone about this one, and now you know. I love music, another cliche. I love my taste in music whether you do or dont. It doesnt really matter to me. Fear is my favorite emotion and feeling. I love being afraid more than almost anything in the world. If I could be anything I'd be a vampire. Blood does not make me gag. I've licked my wounds many times and I enjoy the taste. I would literally give my life to become one. Their life is beautiful and ugly, elegant and grotesque. They don't need companions or friends. My friendships are limited, they never skyrocket into something unforgettable. I'm not waiting for it to happen, though. I've thought it has before, but I was wrong. I'm not getting my hopes up this time. But I want a friend who I wont ever forget. Someone who is worth it and who I am worth something too.
...please don't compare yourself to me. I'm not you.
I think I've discovered who "myself" really is, I think:
I'm pretty torn inside. I'm not as spontaneous as I wish I were. I'm shy if I dont know you, so get to know me instead. I don't talk much but that's only because I don't have a lot to say. I'm frail and fragile. It doesnt take much to make me cry. I'm clumsy and a lot goes wrong because I cause it to ruin. I draw better than I paint. Women are my favorite subjects. I don't make jokes. They are never funny. I'm sarcastic and I love to laugh and I hate my body. I have a moderate eating disorder, which is not your concern. I have control of it. I am in love and I dont care if it's mutual or not. I'd still give him everything he ever wanted even if he spit in my face and kicked me to the curb. I'm serious about a lot of things I say, even if I insist I'm joking. I'm a lover for street fashion, which explains my yearning for a city. As cliche and popular as it sounds, I want to be a commercialist fashion photographer. That's the reason I watched top model, if you care. I'm not trying to steal your "thing" I have a passion just like you and this is it. If that fails, I want to do interior design. I've always wanted to be a model but there are too many things wrong with me. I have scars all over my legs which is why you wont ever see me in something other than jeans. I sing well and have always wanted to be in drama. Acting seems so glorious and I wish, I WISH I could be an actress. I'm going to live alone in new york. Or with somebody I've never met. I love strangers and meeting new people. I only trust two people and one of them is myself. One of my best friends, not sure if I should refer to her as a former, and my relationship's is on the rocks. It has been since 7th grade. If this were a race she would be in first place and I would be out of breath in fifth. It's been too long to establish the bond we once had. Our lives are too far apart to ever connect like it used to be. I find myself thinking what it would be like if I had turned another direction. If instead of choosing yes, I chose no. I'm philosophical and I think. More than you know. I'm writing a book. It's almost half done. I've never told anyone about this one, and now you know. I love music, another cliche. I love my taste in music whether you do or dont. It doesnt really matter to me. Fear is my favorite emotion and feeling. I love being afraid more than almost anything in the world. If I could be anything I'd be a vampire. Blood does not make me gag. I've licked my wounds many times and I enjoy the taste. I would literally give my life to become one. Their life is beautiful and ugly, elegant and grotesque. They don't need companions or friends. My friendships are limited, they never skyrocket into something unforgettable. I'm not waiting for it to happen, though. I've thought it has before, but I was wrong. I'm not getting my hopes up this time. But I want a friend who I wont ever forget. Someone who is worth it and who I am worth something too.
...please don't compare yourself to me. I'm not you.