my mushy mind
Another sunday afternoon sitting in study hall. Dear lord the agony. Im stuck working on this project for math....i cant think of anything to "tesselate" to save my megar life. No matter what i cut out...it looks like a morphed animal with 5 heads 8 legs and 3 sets of teeth. Im usually pretty creative....but i guess in this situation there is a fly in the ointment as they say. I actually would love to take a nap...sounds pretty good to me. But got to to much stuff to do, I am actually dreading the florida trip comming up here 3 weeks...i love my girls but i dont like being around them 24/7 for 2 weeks straight. Plus when we go down there....it usually a lot about family. A good number of the girls have there families there. Last year i think it was me and one other girl that didnt have there family there...and it was such a sad feeling..casue there is so much down time...and its time the coaches tell you to go and be with your family....so all the girls go with their parents who all have flown in to be with them ....and then there is ashley...with no family arund. O sure i get invotations from all my friends to go and be with them and there family, but i dont feel right doing that for some reason. I feel like they havent seen their family for so long and i dont wanna intruded. It makes me so sad....like im happy for all my girls...but i wish my family was there too. I know they cant afford it...and im not complaining casue i know that they cant help it. For once i just wish i had what all the other girls had. I just wish there was someone there to watch me...and be proud of me...somebody i can look and and smile at if i get a good hit or make a big out. This is so pathetic...im just feeling orry for myself....but for some reason...i cant help it. Every time that i get in a mood where all i wanna do is feel sorry for myself...i can look at the situation and say " look shit head...there is much more goin on than this...there are people going through worse...and if this is the worse thing that ever happend to u...ur life will be good...get ur head out of ur ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself" yeah thats the speech that i ususally give myself....kinda scary huh?? but it works. I hate feeling this way...but i just wanna cry....i will be there with over 20 freindly faces....and somehow....i will feel as alone as alone can feel. The past two years....every spring when we go....that is the saddest i am the whole year. I just wish there could be someone i could hug after a game. Someone who was there for me...not someother girls parent or anybody. I know its hopeless...cause there is no way possible anybody that i love will be there watching me.