meshing of core personalities doesnt exist
chris and i had a good conversation tonite, our first "real" one in a long time. he's been talking with a woman whos a friend of a coworker at the restaurant and has gone out with her a couple of times for drinks - says he hasnt done anything... what i think is that he's moving on, if not now, a month and 1/2 into the separation, he will be before the six months are up. thats just the natural progression of things. he seems to blame me for a lot, and again used the example of me always having stayed out all nite and just not thinking to call him. he's right, i didnt miss him enough to call.
hes still talking with people online too, not just this amy (i think her name was) - theres obviously something i havent given him - this time is supposed to be for the individuals, not so much continuing with old behaviors, and adding new ones, like actually meeting someone! but who am i to talk, really? i know what ive been doing.
we decided that only a month and 1/2 has gone by and that no decisions should be made yet, but he said that hes not sure if hell decide he even wants to be with me after the 6 months because hes not sure if what wasnt working was "a stupid habit, or a core function of our personalities not meshing"....thats it in a nutshell, and i told him that sentence comes closer to anything else ive tried to explain my feelings. its like we're not uncomfortable with each other or anything, but we really dont have a lot to say to each other, and it feels to me like we miss each other more than we mesh.
i took my wedding ring off tonite. ive had the engagement ring off for a while, but just took off the wedding ring while we were talking. he doesnt wear his either because its too big, but if he doesnt have his on and is going out and meeting people, why should i have mine on? my finger feels naked. ive had a ring on it since we got engaged, for the past 9 years. i think ill go on ebay and find a new one, haha. ill have to put the wedding ring back on until my new-ring-i-havent-even-bought-yet arrives - no way i cannot have a ring on that finger after all this time.
so, lets see....this all just happened so i havent even really processed it yet. i think my initial reaction is that no matter what we both said, we're not getting back together, because once we both take a look at ourselves, we'll realize we dont belong together anymore. ive known that since a long time ago. i need to keep reassuring myself that im making the right decisions - its not a bad thing for me to be in such a cloud every so often - what i need to do when it happens though, is to not allow it to go on for so long and get even bigger. i make it bigger by isolating myself. i need to remember to not do that for more than a day at a time. until i left for moms today, i hadnt been out of the house since friday, and that was 2 days ago.
i need to allow myself to get in a funk, but not allow myself to stay in it for too long - how do i do that? FACE WHATEVER IT IS I DONT WANT TO. once i face it, its power is taken away and i find i CAN DEAL with WHATEVER i need to.
hes still talking with people online too, not just this amy (i think her name was) - theres obviously something i havent given him - this time is supposed to be for the individuals, not so much continuing with old behaviors, and adding new ones, like actually meeting someone! but who am i to talk, really? i know what ive been doing.
we decided that only a month and 1/2 has gone by and that no decisions should be made yet, but he said that hes not sure if hell decide he even wants to be with me after the 6 months because hes not sure if what wasnt working was "a stupid habit, or a core function of our personalities not meshing"....thats it in a nutshell, and i told him that sentence comes closer to anything else ive tried to explain my feelings. its like we're not uncomfortable with each other or anything, but we really dont have a lot to say to each other, and it feels to me like we miss each other more than we mesh.
i took my wedding ring off tonite. ive had the engagement ring off for a while, but just took off the wedding ring while we were talking. he doesnt wear his either because its too big, but if he doesnt have his on and is going out and meeting people, why should i have mine on? my finger feels naked. ive had a ring on it since we got engaged, for the past 9 years. i think ill go on ebay and find a new one, haha. ill have to put the wedding ring back on until my new-ring-i-havent-even-bought-yet arrives - no way i cannot have a ring on that finger after all this time.
so, lets see....this all just happened so i havent even really processed it yet. i think my initial reaction is that no matter what we both said, we're not getting back together, because once we both take a look at ourselves, we'll realize we dont belong together anymore. ive known that since a long time ago. i need to keep reassuring myself that im making the right decisions - its not a bad thing for me to be in such a cloud every so often - what i need to do when it happens though, is to not allow it to go on for so long and get even bigger. i make it bigger by isolating myself. i need to remember to not do that for more than a day at a time. until i left for moms today, i hadnt been out of the house since friday, and that was 2 days ago.
i need to allow myself to get in a funk, but not allow myself to stay in it for too long - how do i do that? FACE WHATEVER IT IS I DONT WANT TO. once i face it, its power is taken away and i find i CAN DEAL with WHATEVER i need to.