As I sit here...
and reflect on the past semester I am amazed at how much change has happened in my life. I thought I had everything in order and then it's like everything completly surprised me...some GOOD and some BAD and then one that is GREAT! I haven't reflected on what all has happened maybe because some of it hurts too much and I try to block it out but I need to get it out...so here are some things that I have learned in the past semester and some things that I am so greatful for....
1. I learned that no matter how hard you try sometimes you can't love someone as much as they want you to. Yes I am talking about Jeff. Don't get me wrong I did love him, but I see now that it was just a friendly love that I tried to make into more b/c I knew that I could be content with being with him for the rest of my life, but I wouldn't be as happy as I should be. Don't get me wrong we had our good times, but we fought over some of the supidest things and I just didn't have that passion and desire for him like I should have for someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. And yeah it hurts b/c we no longer talk and for a year he and I shared a lot of memeories...but I guess instead of wishing for a friendship I should be content with the memories.
2. I saw also that no matter how far you are from TRUE friends that they will always be right there for you to help share your heavy load. I mean I don't know what I would have done without my stooges and my big sister when it seemed like I had no one...you guys were there. YOu guys understand me and know all my little quirks...and I miss that and sometimes I want to pack everything up and move back to macon...but I know that I can't do that and I can't leave here...but I jsut wish sometimes I could be in two places at once. Imiss our nights hanging out and wathcing Will and Grace(The third season DVD isn't the same with out you two). BUt I do know that we will be friends for the rest of our lives b/c we have a bond that won't break...so like it or not you guys are stuck with me for the rest of your lives...LOL
3. I learned to grow in this past semester...and yes I see now that I am out growing things that I don't want to...like my fmaily I am seeing now that I have to let go a little b/c here in about three months I will have my OWN family and I can't depend on others to live my life I have to do it...GROWTH is a good thing..I used to think it was bad but now I see that it is so much easier to embrace it than it it is to deny it.
4. Lastly I have learned that the BEST THINGS COME TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE NOT EVEN LOOKING FOR THEM. I don't think anyone knows the whole story behind Hugh and I but it's the GREATEST. I wasn't looking for him, as a matter of fact I was still dating Jeff at the time I met Hugh and we became friends...as a matter of fact I knew he was the one the last time I was down at Wesleyan but I just couldn't say anything. The first time I ever laid eyes on him God told me that he was the one I was to marry...and after I met him I fell in love with him. But seeing that we were both dating other people we had to be just friends and I had to hide my feelings..which was hard b/c every night after church I would get in my car and drive home crying b/c I knew what God had promised and I didn't have it. he would tell me before I left every night that he loved me...more than I would ever know. and that was hard b/c I thought to myself.."no I love you MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW" and you know I spent all this time worrying and then it was like all of a sudden one night it all fell in place and now I know that I am with my soul mate and my best friend...he is all I ever wanted and I didn't even have to search he came when I least expected it. I am so happy with him and it is amazing at how when we are together we just fit. THat is what everyone tells us that we are liek peices of a puzzle meant for each other...WE JUST FIT TOGETHER. And you know that is the greatest feeling..I have that passion and desire for him that I know will last forever...I now know one of the reasons I had to move back home....to find my soul mate.
wow a lot has happened...guys I am ENGAGED...it's unreal...I know hare knows how I feel...I LOVE YOU GUYS WITH ALL MY HEART....and know that I MISS YOU ALL GREATLY
1. I learned that no matter how hard you try sometimes you can't love someone as much as they want you to. Yes I am talking about Jeff. Don't get me wrong I did love him, but I see now that it was just a friendly love that I tried to make into more b/c I knew that I could be content with being with him for the rest of my life, but I wouldn't be as happy as I should be. Don't get me wrong we had our good times, but we fought over some of the supidest things and I just didn't have that passion and desire for him like I should have for someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. And yeah it hurts b/c we no longer talk and for a year he and I shared a lot of memeories...but I guess instead of wishing for a friendship I should be content with the memories.
2. I saw also that no matter how far you are from TRUE friends that they will always be right there for you to help share your heavy load. I mean I don't know what I would have done without my stooges and my big sister when it seemed like I had no one...you guys were there. YOu guys understand me and know all my little quirks...and I miss that and sometimes I want to pack everything up and move back to macon...but I know that I can't do that and I can't leave here...but I jsut wish sometimes I could be in two places at once. Imiss our nights hanging out and wathcing Will and Grace(The third season DVD isn't the same with out you two). BUt I do know that we will be friends for the rest of our lives b/c we have a bond that won't break...so like it or not you guys are stuck with me for the rest of your lives...LOL
3. I learned to grow in this past semester...and yes I see now that I am out growing things that I don't want to...like my fmaily I am seeing now that I have to let go a little b/c here in about three months I will have my OWN family and I can't depend on others to live my life I have to do it...GROWTH is a good thing..I used to think it was bad but now I see that it is so much easier to embrace it than it it is to deny it.
4. Lastly I have learned that the BEST THINGS COME TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE NOT EVEN LOOKING FOR THEM. I don't think anyone knows the whole story behind Hugh and I but it's the GREATEST. I wasn't looking for him, as a matter of fact I was still dating Jeff at the time I met Hugh and we became friends...as a matter of fact I knew he was the one the last time I was down at Wesleyan but I just couldn't say anything. The first time I ever laid eyes on him God told me that he was the one I was to marry...and after I met him I fell in love with him. But seeing that we were both dating other people we had to be just friends and I had to hide my feelings..which was hard b/c every night after church I would get in my car and drive home crying b/c I knew what God had promised and I didn't have it. he would tell me before I left every night that he loved me...more than I would ever know. and that was hard b/c I thought to myself.."no I love you MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW" and you know I spent all this time worrying and then it was like all of a sudden one night it all fell in place and now I know that I am with my soul mate and my best friend...he is all I ever wanted and I didn't even have to search he came when I least expected it. I am so happy with him and it is amazing at how when we are together we just fit. THat is what everyone tells us that we are liek peices of a puzzle meant for each other...WE JUST FIT TOGETHER. And you know that is the greatest feeling..I have that passion and desire for him that I know will last forever...I now know one of the reasons I had to move back home....to find my soul mate.
wow a lot has happened...guys I am ENGAGED...it's unreal...I know hare knows how I feel...I LOVE YOU GUYS WITH ALL MY HEART....and know that I MISS YOU ALL GREATLY