(no subject)
My dad died one year ago today.
Just saying that makes me feel bad. On top of all of the other things in life that are making me depressed right now. It's the first time I've been down in a depression, a real depression, for a while. I've not been eating well and wanting to sleep more and more and becoming apathetic about my grades and stuff.
But mostly I think it is the silence I'm receiving. That on top of the time of the year.
The life of my father keeps slipping further and further away, just like my past. A year ago I was in a different city with different people. Now I'm here in Austin with one year left on my degree. I miss my dad, I really do. I'm so sad that I'll never see him again. Never tell him I love him again. But it is a year behind me and I feel much better than I did at this point in time a year ago. But it's still sad, and I wish I didn't have class so I could go visit his grave or do something like that. To remember him a little better.
It's been two years, almost three, since I've seen him alive and well. And he wasn't even well then, was he? No. He could have had AIDS then, but I doubt he did. He had liver problems, and was having all kinds of problems. All kinds.
I can't think about my dad anymore right now. There are other things on my mind, and I'm sure I'll be thinking about him plenty when I wake up. I just want this semester to be over so I can get rid of this stress and move on to something else, like graduating. I just want this tension out of my life. Maybe next week things will be better, or the week after that. I don't know. I'm just blah right now and I wish it would end.
Just saying that makes me feel bad. On top of all of the other things in life that are making me depressed right now. It's the first time I've been down in a depression, a real depression, for a while. I've not been eating well and wanting to sleep more and more and becoming apathetic about my grades and stuff.
But mostly I think it is the silence I'm receiving. That on top of the time of the year.
The life of my father keeps slipping further and further away, just like my past. A year ago I was in a different city with different people. Now I'm here in Austin with one year left on my degree. I miss my dad, I really do. I'm so sad that I'll never see him again. Never tell him I love him again. But it is a year behind me and I feel much better than I did at this point in time a year ago. But it's still sad, and I wish I didn't have class so I could go visit his grave or do something like that. To remember him a little better.
It's been two years, almost three, since I've seen him alive and well. And he wasn't even well then, was he? No. He could have had AIDS then, but I doubt he did. He had liver problems, and was having all kinds of problems. All kinds.
I can't think about my dad anymore right now. There are other things on my mind, and I'm sure I'll be thinking about him plenty when I wake up. I just want this semester to be over so I can get rid of this stress and move on to something else, like graduating. I just want this tension out of my life. Maybe next week things will be better, or the week after that. I don't know. I'm just blah right now and I wish it would end.