(no subject)
My grandfather lived with us for periods of time during my childhood and in my adult years and he wasn't always in his right mind. He once called 911 because he thought someone had poisoned my brother, who was simply napping. He also has severe OCD. Shaving was an hour long task. He was bald and wore an aviator's cap to bed. Sometimes in the night he could be found in the living room stomping around the living room in said cap and bathrobe with his bible, yelling verses to keep the demons at bay.
When mom and dad were out of town I had "Grandpa Duty." Which basically meant I was supposed to keep the phone away from him and make sure he ate. It was not always what I wanted to be doing with my early twenties. Sometimes I did not think good thoughts about him.
When I got the call that he had died, almost immediately I felt guilty for those thoughts and wondered why I ever even had to think them. What were those thoughts good for?
Then I think about the people I love more than I loved my grandpa. It seems the closer they are the more bad thoughts. And I think I want to banish those thoughts so I don’t have to feel guilty when they die...cause really what are those thoughts good for?
When mom and dad were out of town I had "Grandpa Duty." Which basically meant I was supposed to keep the phone away from him and make sure he ate. It was not always what I wanted to be doing with my early twenties. Sometimes I did not think good thoughts about him.
When I got the call that he had died, almost immediately I felt guilty for those thoughts and wondered why I ever even had to think them. What were those thoughts good for?
Then I think about the people I love more than I loved my grandpa. It seems the closer they are the more bad thoughts. And I think I want to banish those thoughts so I don’t have to feel guilty when they die...cause really what are those thoughts good for?