Addendum
I just...I don't want to become as negative and cynical as the people I'm dealing with. I am so sick of hearing the words "can't work" and "won't work". How can you possibly know that something's going to fail without actually TRYING IT? Go through all of the possible outcomes in your head. What exactly is it that you have to lose here?
I don't want to assume that there is not hope or future for my work. I want to keep having ideas. I want to try every possible option and idea before I go down. So then, if I do go under and have to do something else, I'll know that I did everything I possibly could. And it still hurt like hell, but I'll know. Mostly, though, I want to stop buying into all of this BS and then forget why what I'm doing is important. The not-for-profit counselor actually rolled her eyes and told me "How nice. But you're competing against charities that actually feed and clothe people."
As if Maslow was actually right.
Can I just say that I hope they stop teaching that Maslow bullshit in the near future, please? The heirarchy of needs actually has two levels before you get to LOVE. I don't need to comment; that just speaks for itself as to how bullshitty Maslow is. Because it makes me think of that experiment that they told us about (in the same class in which they taught us about Maslow's heirarchy, actually) where they released the two monkey babies into a chamber where they had the comforting towel substitute mommy monkey and the cold, utilitarian food monkey, and they chose the fake mommy monkey. We need love and comfort and community and connection no matter who we are and where we are and how much money we have or don't have.
And the music is built in. We are creative beings who express ourselves through sound no matter who we are. No matter how old we are. No matter how much money we have or how much food we have on our table. We use this art, and all art, to forge communities and connections. To explain ourselves. No matter what. That's why this is important.
Because I think that, for all the good that charities like Red Cross and Oxfam and the organizations like it do (and don't get me wrong, they DO good work and I'm a big believer in giving money to them), their advertising kind of keys into this whole cultural construct we have, the one that validates Maslow. They show us a war-torn nation or a destroyed Haiti and play some sad bastard new age piano music and they basically guilt viewers into giving them money. And that's probably a very effective way to raise money, but it has this really horrible side effect wherein we start to believe that people who live in wartorn, poverty-stricken nations are in some way fundamentally different that we are. Cue Maslow's heirarchy...if they don't have food, then they can't feel love or self actualization or feel a need for personal safety! ZOMGZ. Poor them, they're not like us.
But here's the thing: it's not a "them" problem. We don't need to help them, because we ARE them. We need to help us. They're part of us. And how do we know that? Because we have the great equalizers that are a need for comfort, a need for love, a need for belonging and a need for connection. How do cultures ancient and modern, poor and wealthy, Western and Eastern foster those connections?
Why, through art and dance and music, of course! It's the one thing that no matter who we are and where we live, we have in common. That we always HAVE had in common. And in this world, I'd wager that focusing on and understanding the things we have in common has a lot more longevity and potential than simply making people feel guilt. When we play music and teach music, we are forging these connections. We are fostering a greater understanding of the things that make all of us, everyone on the planet, human.
Ok. This is long and rambly enough. And I need a shower. But I was just going to explode if I didn't get all of this off my chest. And I'll promise you this right now: when what I do becomes just a job, when I give up on cultivating and strengthening my belief in what i just wrote, I will get myself a master's degree in something nice and practical and safe and I will bow out because I will NOT become part of the problem that seems to be plaguing the twin worlds of music performance and music education. I will not become negative and cynical. I will never tell people that they "can't."
I don't want to assume that there is not hope or future for my work. I want to keep having ideas. I want to try every possible option and idea before I go down. So then, if I do go under and have to do something else, I'll know that I did everything I possibly could. And it still hurt like hell, but I'll know. Mostly, though, I want to stop buying into all of this BS and then forget why what I'm doing is important. The not-for-profit counselor actually rolled her eyes and told me "How nice. But you're competing against charities that actually feed and clothe people."
As if Maslow was actually right.
Can I just say that I hope they stop teaching that Maslow bullshit in the near future, please? The heirarchy of needs actually has two levels before you get to LOVE. I don't need to comment; that just speaks for itself as to how bullshitty Maslow is. Because it makes me think of that experiment that they told us about (in the same class in which they taught us about Maslow's heirarchy, actually) where they released the two monkey babies into a chamber where they had the comforting towel substitute mommy monkey and the cold, utilitarian food monkey, and they chose the fake mommy monkey. We need love and comfort and community and connection no matter who we are and where we are and how much money we have or don't have.
And the music is built in. We are creative beings who express ourselves through sound no matter who we are. No matter how old we are. No matter how much money we have or how much food we have on our table. We use this art, and all art, to forge communities and connections. To explain ourselves. No matter what. That's why this is important.
Because I think that, for all the good that charities like Red Cross and Oxfam and the organizations like it do (and don't get me wrong, they DO good work and I'm a big believer in giving money to them), their advertising kind of keys into this whole cultural construct we have, the one that validates Maslow. They show us a war-torn nation or a destroyed Haiti and play some sad bastard new age piano music and they basically guilt viewers into giving them money. And that's probably a very effective way to raise money, but it has this really horrible side effect wherein we start to believe that people who live in wartorn, poverty-stricken nations are in some way fundamentally different that we are. Cue Maslow's heirarchy...if they don't have food, then they can't feel love or self actualization or feel a need for personal safety! ZOMGZ. Poor them, they're not like us.
But here's the thing: it's not a "them" problem. We don't need to help them, because we ARE them. We need to help us. They're part of us. And how do we know that? Because we have the great equalizers that are a need for comfort, a need for love, a need for belonging and a need for connection. How do cultures ancient and modern, poor and wealthy, Western and Eastern foster those connections?
Why, through art and dance and music, of course! It's the one thing that no matter who we are and where we live, we have in common. That we always HAVE had in common. And in this world, I'd wager that focusing on and understanding the things we have in common has a lot more longevity and potential than simply making people feel guilt. When we play music and teach music, we are forging these connections. We are fostering a greater understanding of the things that make all of us, everyone on the planet, human.
Ok. This is long and rambly enough. And I need a shower. But I was just going to explode if I didn't get all of this off my chest. And I'll promise you this right now: when what I do becomes just a job, when I give up on cultivating and strengthening my belief in what i just wrote, I will get myself a master's degree in something nice and practical and safe and I will bow out because I will NOT become part of the problem that seems to be plaguing the twin worlds of music performance and music education. I will not become negative and cynical. I will never tell people that they "can't."