Ref the jolly fortune lobster who always wants to fight. well, that aint jolly ain it?
My name is RAIN. Oh. Wait. That was wrong. I mean.
My name is RAIN.
Wait.
Wrong again.
Okai. I'll get it right.
My name is RAIN!
shit.
My....
name...
IS...
RAIN.
Oh fuck this.
My name is Ref. Yeah. Say it like you mean it, beets. I eat yo momma for breakfast. Yo momma's so fat. Yeah. Period. Yo momma's so fat.
I'm too stupid to think what pun ending I can insult yo momma.
But yo momma's bald.
Yo MOMMA'S BALD, beets!
You hear?!
*Eka runs toward the table*
Oh. Excuse me. Sorry. That was Ref. He be my fortune lobster. He's kinda violent and stuff. When I put his friend...
*Ref pinches eka*
wth. Ooooooouch.
*Eka rubs the spot he pinched*
Well, Mr. Ref here complained. I'm SOOOOORRY Mr. Ref.
Erratum.
He's not his FRIEND. Pardon.
Okay okay. I'll end the play thing already.
So yeah. I'm out to enjoy another species' life. For humans have rightfully and dutifully declared themselves as the king of all species. The "protector" and "keeper" of Mother Earth and her little friends.
Homo sapiens sapiens! : Those dudes on top of the pyramid who can catch stuff and keep them as pets.
My mom gave it to me. Her patient, who was allergic to fur and stuff, couldnt have a dog as a pet. Nor a cat. Nor a baby cub. Nor a tiger. Nor a bear. Nor a pig. Nor a snake. Nor a piece of paper. Nor a hamster. Nor a bat. Nor a slug. Nor a fish.
Sooooo, her mom got her a lobster instead.
OH WHAT FUN!
I was so excited when that patient gave my mom one of the many lobsters the patient's daughter had. [poor daughter I know how it means when your evil mother snatches your pet away to give it to your doctor's evil youngest daughter.... Oh wait. I don't know what it means. tough luck].
So yes, I have a lobster. I keep it in this large piece of container. I feed it 3 fish pellets a day. And I give it a little malunggay leaf every sunday as a treat.
Nooooow. You may wonder what they can do! What can lobsters doooo!
Oh the most wondrous of things actually! They can do somersaults, they can swim like 30 mph. They can camouflage. They can catch flies for you. They can wash your clothes. They can even cook themselves for dinner [that's the ultimate sacrifice tho. You have to get their friendship points to a hundred if you want them to do that.]
They can absolutely do EVERYTHING.
Except, they dont. Instead, the lazy clumps of chitin just sit all day. They occasionally move backwards. Yes. They rarely walk/crawl forward. They always walk backwards. They have their claws always open.
Oh oh oh. The most interesting thing they do is to blow spit bubbles. They blow spit bubblessss! How wonderful!
But see, I don't care. I like Ref for just one thing.
See.
Ref can live in a...
You guessed it!
A REF!
*applaud light turns on*
Yeah. You can keep them in your Ref/cooler when you have to be gone for a long time. They can keep alive inside your cooler for about 2 weeks or so. And no, they won't raid the insides of your Ref.
They shall just sit there.
Blow spit bubbles.
Maybe do somersaults while no one can see them.
Ohhh. And I forgot another of their amazing features. Oh God! How can you be so unfair to create such perfect living things!
They CATCH FORTUNE. Well, that's what the crazy pancit people tell us. Since they always have their claws open, they're like... Catching opportunities for you...
Bull crap.
Hahahahaha.
So yeah. I have Ref.
I feed it malunggay once a week.
I love him.
He does'nt love me.
That's the tragedy.