This House Is Full Of Mirrors
Huh? When was the last time I posted? I lose track of time, these days. I alternate between wanting to spill my guts on here, and not giving a shit. I don't know. Most days, I just feel...tired.
Work will do that to you, I guess. But I've got a long train ride ahead of me, and not much to do...so I might as well write a little.
It's been difficult to find motivation to spend time writing here, when I'm always writing so much for my job. After a while, I just felt like I couldn't be bothered. Probably has something to do with me not taking a vacation...ever. Seriously. Coming up on two years at this place, and I've never taken a vacation.
I'm an idiot; I know. I'm trying to take a few weeks off soon. I need it.
But if anything, I may need something a little more permanent. I've been thinking about my future a lot lately, and after years of ignoring the truth and boldly saying I'd make a life out of writing no matter what, it no longer feels viable. Let's set aside my dissatisfaction with my current newsroom, cause that's a whole 'nother saga -- by and large, journalism is not a livable profession. Not anymore.
I've been crunching numbers for a while, trying to see what kind of place I could afford -- I mean, I'll be 26 next week, and I had thought by now I could have moved out -- and the reality is: not much. Unless I cram into a 1 bedroom apartment with two other people. Which, I don't care what other people in this city, is fucking stupid. I want to afford my own place, away from New York City. Even with a Master's degree, however, lucrative jobs are incredibly few and far between. As it stands, I make the same salary as a brand new TSA agent. I make less than a garbage man. These truths make me wonder why the hell I'm doing this to myself.
It's not that I'm motivated by wealth. It's just the reality: journalism pays shit. Media outlets squeeze as much as they can out of young writers, because there will always be 10 people behind the one who screams "Fuck this!" and leaves their newsroom. And I understand why! People like me romanticize writers and reporting. And to be honest, I get to do some cool shit -- how many people have been paid to drive a McLaren? -- but at the end of the day it doesn't mean anything to me. I'm tired of coming home to the same bed I slept in when I was still in high school. I need a change in my life, because at this rate...I'm falling out of love with writing.
And I don't want that to happen. Writing is the only way I was ever able to express myself, but I think it may be time to take a break.
So I've been thinking: I could freelance every now and then, when I get another career. What is that career? Well...I'm thinking of going back to school to get my teaching degree. English and literature. Help the next generation express themselves through language, since they seem to be having such a damn hard time with it.
Maybe it'll work out. I'd have a pension, healthcare, 401k...and I need all those things if I'm ever going to have a family of my own.
It's just a big leap. And if I'm honest...I'm scared. Writing is all I've ever really been good at. But it doesn't seem to help anyone, myself included.
Work will do that to you, I guess. But I've got a long train ride ahead of me, and not much to do...so I might as well write a little.
It's been difficult to find motivation to spend time writing here, when I'm always writing so much for my job. After a while, I just felt like I couldn't be bothered. Probably has something to do with me not taking a vacation...ever. Seriously. Coming up on two years at this place, and I've never taken a vacation.
I'm an idiot; I know. I'm trying to take a few weeks off soon. I need it.
But if anything, I may need something a little more permanent. I've been thinking about my future a lot lately, and after years of ignoring the truth and boldly saying I'd make a life out of writing no matter what, it no longer feels viable. Let's set aside my dissatisfaction with my current newsroom, cause that's a whole 'nother saga -- by and large, journalism is not a livable profession. Not anymore.
I've been crunching numbers for a while, trying to see what kind of place I could afford -- I mean, I'll be 26 next week, and I had thought by now I could have moved out -- and the reality is: not much. Unless I cram into a 1 bedroom apartment with two other people. Which, I don't care what other people in this city, is fucking stupid. I want to afford my own place, away from New York City. Even with a Master's degree, however, lucrative jobs are incredibly few and far between. As it stands, I make the same salary as a brand new TSA agent. I make less than a garbage man. These truths make me wonder why the hell I'm doing this to myself.
It's not that I'm motivated by wealth. It's just the reality: journalism pays shit. Media outlets squeeze as much as they can out of young writers, because there will always be 10 people behind the one who screams "Fuck this!" and leaves their newsroom. And I understand why! People like me romanticize writers and reporting. And to be honest, I get to do some cool shit -- how many people have been paid to drive a McLaren? -- but at the end of the day it doesn't mean anything to me. I'm tired of coming home to the same bed I slept in when I was still in high school. I need a change in my life, because at this rate...I'm falling out of love with writing.
And I don't want that to happen. Writing is the only way I was ever able to express myself, but I think it may be time to take a break.
So I've been thinking: I could freelance every now and then, when I get another career. What is that career? Well...I'm thinking of going back to school to get my teaching degree. English and literature. Help the next generation express themselves through language, since they seem to be having such a damn hard time with it.
Maybe it'll work out. I'd have a pension, healthcare, 401k...and I need all those things if I'm ever going to have a family of my own.
It's just a big leap. And if I'm honest...I'm scared. Writing is all I've ever really been good at. But it doesn't seem to help anyone, myself included.