A short fic from the latest quote-of-the-day
I was inspired by last night's quote to dust off a couple of lines from my B/E wedding poll awhile back and write a very very short fic, or long drabble :) ... hope you enjoy!
Title: Thus Saith the Preacher
Author: shadow1905
Characters/Pairing: Emmett, Edward
Rating: PG for mild language and innuendo
Category: humor
Spoilers: all books, plus "Breaking Dawn" quote of the day
Summary: Emmett practices his wedding sermon!
Emmett and Rosalie's bedroom contained more mirrors than the rest of the house combined. Rosalie's legendary vanity required them; she couldn't bear to wait a second longer than she had to to see her face, from any angle, at any time. Emmett himself didn't need mirrors, but they did have significant side benefits. He was used to Edward cuffing him about the head when his thoughts about those side benefits got a little too graphic.
Now, the mirrors were coming in handy, as he tried on his black ministerial robe. It had been a little hard to find one big enough to fit his massive frame, but Alice could manage anything. He had the outfit, he had the ordination obtained after some hasty theological coaching from Carlisle. All he had to do now was try out his wedding sermon.
Emmett had heard lots of wedding sermons in his time, thanks to Rosalie's insistence on getting married at least once a decade. The officiants ranged from the hearty country preacher who married them for the first time in a church in rural Kentucky to the impressive Reverend Doctor at the big cathedral in New York City, when Rosalie had been studying for her degree at Columbia. He knew exactly what the usual forms were.
For Bella and Edward, he had to prepare something... special.
"Dearly beloved," he boomed out, expanding his arms toward his own reflection in the mirror, "We are gathered here in the sight of God and the presence of these witnesses, so that Edward can get over his damn fool scruples and finally let Bella make a man out of him."
"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN, IF YOU REALLY SAY THAT I WILL KILL YOU!" shouted a golden voice from the floor above him.
"Oooo, scary!" Emmett shouted back. Then he straightened his robes and continued for the benefit of the mirror.
"Dearly beloved, we will also be keeping the ceremony as short as possible, to minimize the possibility that the blushing bride trips on her wedding gown. The reception has been scheduled in the Forks Hospital Emergency Room, just to be on the safe side."
At that point the door burst open and a leonine form threw itself at Emmett, who was hampered by his robes. "You... are... not... saying... that!" Edward growled in between pummeling his brother.
"All right, all right!" said Emmett, ducking away. "Calm down, Edward, I'll behave. Promise."
With a dark look, Edward vanished back to his room. Emmett smiled conspiratorially at the mirror.
"I'll behave for the ceremony," he said in a stage whisper. "But wait until the toast!"
The End
Title: Thus Saith the Preacher
Author: shadow1905
Characters/Pairing: Emmett, Edward
Rating: PG for mild language and innuendo
Category: humor
Spoilers: all books, plus "Breaking Dawn" quote of the day
Summary: Emmett practices his wedding sermon!
Emmett and Rosalie's bedroom contained more mirrors than the rest of the house combined. Rosalie's legendary vanity required them; she couldn't bear to wait a second longer than she had to to see her face, from any angle, at any time. Emmett himself didn't need mirrors, but they did have significant side benefits. He was used to Edward cuffing him about the head when his thoughts about those side benefits got a little too graphic.
Now, the mirrors were coming in handy, as he tried on his black ministerial robe. It had been a little hard to find one big enough to fit his massive frame, but Alice could manage anything. He had the outfit, he had the ordination obtained after some hasty theological coaching from Carlisle. All he had to do now was try out his wedding sermon.
Emmett had heard lots of wedding sermons in his time, thanks to Rosalie's insistence on getting married at least once a decade. The officiants ranged from the hearty country preacher who married them for the first time in a church in rural Kentucky to the impressive Reverend Doctor at the big cathedral in New York City, when Rosalie had been studying for her degree at Columbia. He knew exactly what the usual forms were.
For Bella and Edward, he had to prepare something... special.
"Dearly beloved," he boomed out, expanding his arms toward his own reflection in the mirror, "We are gathered here in the sight of God and the presence of these witnesses, so that Edward can get over his damn fool scruples and finally let Bella make a man out of him."
"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN, IF YOU REALLY SAY THAT I WILL KILL YOU!" shouted a golden voice from the floor above him.
"Oooo, scary!" Emmett shouted back. Then he straightened his robes and continued for the benefit of the mirror.
"Dearly beloved, we will also be keeping the ceremony as short as possible, to minimize the possibility that the blushing bride trips on her wedding gown. The reception has been scheduled in the Forks Hospital Emergency Room, just to be on the safe side."
At that point the door burst open and a leonine form threw itself at Emmett, who was hampered by his robes. "You... are... not... saying... that!" Edward growled in between pummeling his brother.
"All right, all right!" said Emmett, ducking away. "Calm down, Edward, I'll behave. Promise."
With a dark look, Edward vanished back to his room. Emmett smiled conspiratorially at the mirror.
"I'll behave for the ceremony," he said in a stage whisper. "But wait until the toast!"
The End