first time
today muz b a memorable day.
i, me, the most inconfident and most timid and most guai person, took my very first step to reform.
i ponned sch.
really! though there isnt any classes today, we are still expected to report to sch. but there is no teacher. Or supposedly.
for the first time in my entire life, i played truancy.
omg! i really did it!
it's kinda of unbelievable. i mean, i haven even skip a class w/o valid reason before. now i've skipped the 'normal procedure'
and skip sch as my first step. wow.
i've thought it'd b quite fun, having the whole hse and computer to myself for once. and not having to wake up to a velvet morning sky with a grumpy-because-not-enough-sleep mood.
i could sleep till the afternoon sun beats down my face and trys piercing into my eyes and go on sleeping like the zodiac animal of this year for all i want.
yet i woke up at 6.45am today to the sms from my friend. Reminder for things to bring to sch today.
is there a pang of guilt? no, not then. but it is coming now, seeping furtively into my conscious. bit by bit as the real meaning of emptiness and meaning of needing to work dawns on me.
i'm not supposed to be here.
lookin out from the balcony, i saw empty streets and busy roads. Roads bustling with cars loaded with ppl on their way to workplace. i could imagine some bespectacled men decked in flatly ironed striped shirt drumming his finger impatiently on the steering wheel. someone who is expecting a busy day ahead.
wat the freaking hell am i gonna do today?
i've always hated the sch curriculum, though it isnt even hectic. now that i've finally got myself outta it, i'm lost. i've lost my goal in life.
Now then i realise what they mean when they say study is the main life of a student. something i've been doing for almost everyday for almost ten years has become a routine and almost my whole life. i realise i cant do anything thing else except studying. it's pathetic, yet it's true. To know that you have been living for 17 years on this planet and you are no different from a helpless newborn baby except tt you know some teeny bitty of math, vocab and science. you cant even survive if you are dumped into the harshly competitive society outside where only the fittest survives. will i be able to clinch a job with steady income to ensure a constant roof over my head and at least 1 meal a day? it's almost impossible. even if i'm lucky enough to get a part-time job, the pay would be less than enough to cover the rent of a flat room in some ulu district.
the only route now seems to go on studying. to get a degree which may then secure me a job when i finally have to face the working adult life.
So in the end the moral of the story is to 'study hard and dun play truancy anymore'? arwks.
how come things can actually end up like that?
i, me, the most inconfident and most timid and most guai person, took my very first step to reform.
i ponned sch.
really! though there isnt any classes today, we are still expected to report to sch. but there is no teacher. Or supposedly.
for the first time in my entire life, i played truancy.
omg! i really did it!
it's kinda of unbelievable. i mean, i haven even skip a class w/o valid reason before. now i've skipped the 'normal procedure'
and skip sch as my first step. wow.
i've thought it'd b quite fun, having the whole hse and computer to myself for once. and not having to wake up to a velvet morning sky with a grumpy-because-not-enough-sleep mood.
i could sleep till the afternoon sun beats down my face and trys piercing into my eyes and go on sleeping like the zodiac animal of this year for all i want.
yet i woke up at 6.45am today to the sms from my friend. Reminder for things to bring to sch today.
is there a pang of guilt? no, not then. but it is coming now, seeping furtively into my conscious. bit by bit as the real meaning of emptiness and meaning of needing to work dawns on me.
i'm not supposed to be here.
lookin out from the balcony, i saw empty streets and busy roads. Roads bustling with cars loaded with ppl on their way to workplace. i could imagine some bespectacled men decked in flatly ironed striped shirt drumming his finger impatiently on the steering wheel. someone who is expecting a busy day ahead.
wat the freaking hell am i gonna do today?
i've always hated the sch curriculum, though it isnt even hectic. now that i've finally got myself outta it, i'm lost. i've lost my goal in life.
Now then i realise what they mean when they say study is the main life of a student. something i've been doing for almost everyday for almost ten years has become a routine and almost my whole life. i realise i cant do anything thing else except studying. it's pathetic, yet it's true. To know that you have been living for 17 years on this planet and you are no different from a helpless newborn baby except tt you know some teeny bitty of math, vocab and science. you cant even survive if you are dumped into the harshly competitive society outside where only the fittest survives. will i be able to clinch a job with steady income to ensure a constant roof over my head and at least 1 meal a day? it's almost impossible. even if i'm lucky enough to get a part-time job, the pay would be less than enough to cover the rent of a flat room in some ulu district.
the only route now seems to go on studying. to get a degree which may then secure me a job when i finally have to face the working adult life.
So in the end the moral of the story is to 'study hard and dun play truancy anymore'? arwks.
how come things can actually end up like that?