(no subject)
Is it such a bad thing to try and
spend time with someone that I am not going to see at all in less than
3 weeks. Is it so horrible that my future should be ruined because of
it? I am sick of all this drama and all this overreacting. I am sick of
you telling me that I need to go on medication because I start crying
when you tell me I have to be out by tomorrow and that I will not be
going to college. Shouldn't I start crying, doesn't that show you how
much I want to get a good education. How I want to grow up and be my
own person, and I know that I won't mess up because I've been awaiting
this moment for soooooooo long, I cannot even tell you how long I have
wanted to get out of this house. Three weeks before I am suppose to go
you tell me "all bets are off" expecting me to understand that that
means that I no longer have a family, a house, a car, or an education
when you tell me this AT 2AM!! When you wake me in the middle of the
night. I wish I could tell you everything about my life. That somehow
that would make you understand me but I know that is not possible. No
matter what I do it is wrong. If I ask you if I can spend time with him
you say no. So what am I supposed to do? Obviously if I care enough
about the guy I will find some way around it. Is it really that big of
a deal. If you say you have been sick because of me for the past 3
weeks then maybe YOU should go on medication because nothing I do calls
for you getting physically nouscous *spelling?* over the things
that I do. LESS than 2 weeks ago was the drinking incident and I dont
even know what came before that so if you were losing sleep and feeling
sick then something is wrong with you. How can you expect that to go
away if you kick me out on the streets. How can you expect me not to
lie to you when you constantly lie to me about how you aren't going to
keep checking up on me. I do these things to spite you most of the time
because you are driving me literally insane. And if you do kick me out
and take away my college education I will probably end up killing
myself sooner or later because there will be no point in my existance.
If that does happen I will promise you to leavc you a note saying that
this is completely your fault and you basically murdered your own
daughter. I swear on my life if you take away my future I will do this
because I HATE YOU GUYS SO MUCH.... AND I AM SICK OF GOING THROUGH THIS
DAY AND NIGHT NO MATTER WHAT I DO I AM ALWAYS GOING TO BE A FUCKUP so
face the music
and just so you know I do not regret what I did last night because the time that I spend with him is what has been keeping me going these past few weeks, he is one of the few people that has held me when I cried and just been there to listen to me and hold me and I dont know what I am going to do in less than 3 weeks...
and just so you know I do not regret what I did last night because the time that I spend with him is what has been keeping me going these past few weeks, he is one of the few people that has held me when I cried and just been there to listen to me and hold me and I dont know what I am going to do in less than 3 weeks...