first loves pain........all over again

[linzgirl]

I didn't know I could be hurt really bad TWICE. I thought we only had that one person who ripped us to shreads....but I was wrong. There was Jeff Lilly, first one to stomp on me...and now there has been one more. Want state his name just incase he comes across this. I really value this persons friendship and I know he didn't mean to hurt me. It's my fault for letting him into my heart so quickly and so trusting. I just don't know. Maybe if I was the size I was before the car wreck I could have this "person"?? This really hurts and I have no one to blame. Out of all the people I am dating, why do I have to love the one that is the worst for me? I fucking hate being fat....I hate the bastard that ran into me that put me bed-ridden for a year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 25k will not bring back the old me or my old body. I just wish some people would look at me for me and not the body type or size.

I haven't been this sad in a long time.........not sure what to do.