maybe in distance, but never in heart
I've been in a kinda bad mood lately. it doesn't help that I didn't feel good yesterday. doesn't matter though, because someone actually cared! it was sweet.
Ok for some highlights of my weekend/week:
1.So this past Saturday, I finally got a new phone plan. its great. Anyway, so I had voicemail for like 1 hour, I left my phone alone for about 10 min. I come back & had a message from a boy named Dave, saying he saw me wearing a hat w/ my phone # on it, so he decided to store it and give me a call! I died! hahaha because I do have a hat w/ my # on it, and I do wear it on occasion. But it's also posted on Matt Murdock's webshots. So anyway, of course I called back. He's sooo fun!! We're buds now! anyway, turns out, he was in my bedroom at the apartment & saw my hat hanging up! haha He's destiny's cousin's friend. too bad he lives like 2 hours away. but omg... its like I was on room raiders! hahaha he knew everything about me. quite fun! we've talked a couple times since... i love when people wanna talk.
Which brings me to another one of my faves!
2. Jrum! he's such a sweetie! (he was the one that cared that I wasn't feeling well! he called me to see what was wrong & even called back later to see if i was feelin better!) sometimes he calls and we'll talk for like an hour! and we've started talking quite a bit, its great! maybe I just love the attention. I really love that he must just sit there and be like.... 'hmm... I should give Lindsay a call just to talk' and that amazes me!!!! haven't had that in a while. but yeah, he's good times! i love going over there & playing w/ him & Ellie! but it kinda sucks because i'm not friends w/ his friends, so its hard for us to find time to hang out. he's supposed to teach me how to play video games though! eee! haha and we're gonna go swing next time I'm home! yeah, we're nerds. and i'm gonna give him an underdoggie! (even though he didn't know what that was!!!!haha idiot)
3. sometimes Marc amazes me. like when he had "i love you just let me show it... geesh" in his info. that was sooo sweet and really surprised me because I didn't know he wanted to show it (i mean, i know he loves me, but ya know). and this one time, right before shelby's birthday party, he said lots of things that just blew me away. time out, Jessica Simpsons' video is on!!! mmmm! she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life!! boys must get boners just from looking at her. ok back to what I was saying. anyway, he was soooo wonderful that I couldn't believe it. but.... ya know, actions speak louder than words, and i'm getting confused. when we're alone (or hanging out w/ couples), its like we're a couple. when we're not alone, its different. sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. I like being at a party and not being attached at each others hips, but when we do cross paths, I want him to be sweeeet. Sometimes I wonder if he just keeps me close so nobody else can have me, or what. because he does do the jealous thing a lot. and he knows how to get to me-- he knows he has the upper hand on any guy because I love him. and if I have plans w/ someone else, he always says "well, I guess you don't want to see me then, since you don't have time" uuugh gets me every time, and I shouldn't let it...unless he's going to be sweet to me, because the point is.... I don't have to be hanging out w/ him. and he really takes it for granted. but anyway, I guess I'm just expecting him to be super sweet to me because he's supposed to be winning me back if he wants me-- he hurt me. I told him if he's not 100% sure he wants to be w/ me, then I don't want him. and he said he's not 100% yet, and I know that means he's close, but isn't 100. and he told me the reason why he isn't 100, and it would be irrelevant if we were together. so idk. he doesn't like talking about it.. he seriously gets mad and either yells or quits talking to me. so its like.. how do I handle it? I'm not even 100% right now (but I could be in an instant if he just blew me away w/ some sweetness or romanticism)... but its because of his attitude sometimes. and I assume it would change if we were together.... but if not, then forget it. Its all so weird because I really thought we were amazing when we were together. he wasn't mean, careless, and cocky, and i wasn't bitchy and always trying to start something. but the question is.... will we stop our bullshit if we were together again? if we're gonna be, then "I wanna be stronger than we've ever been".
blahblahblah... that was a rampage. but its ok because I have to wait for my salmon to be done cooking before I can get in the shower. and that's not enough time to start any hw or anything. haaaah, look at me, justifying my procrastination. sick.
PS: i think I'm going to move in with kyle when my lease on the apt. runs out. how do I tell Destiny?????
Ok for some highlights of my weekend/week:
1.So this past Saturday, I finally got a new phone plan. its great. Anyway, so I had voicemail for like 1 hour, I left my phone alone for about 10 min. I come back & had a message from a boy named Dave, saying he saw me wearing a hat w/ my phone # on it, so he decided to store it and give me a call! I died! hahaha because I do have a hat w/ my # on it, and I do wear it on occasion. But it's also posted on Matt Murdock's webshots. So anyway, of course I called back. He's sooo fun!! We're buds now! anyway, turns out, he was in my bedroom at the apartment & saw my hat hanging up! haha He's destiny's cousin's friend. too bad he lives like 2 hours away. but omg... its like I was on room raiders! hahaha he knew everything about me. quite fun! we've talked a couple times since... i love when people wanna talk.
Which brings me to another one of my faves!
2. Jrum! he's such a sweetie! (he was the one that cared that I wasn't feeling well! he called me to see what was wrong & even called back later to see if i was feelin better!) sometimes he calls and we'll talk for like an hour! and we've started talking quite a bit, its great! maybe I just love the attention. I really love that he must just sit there and be like.... 'hmm... I should give Lindsay a call just to talk' and that amazes me!!!! haven't had that in a while. but yeah, he's good times! i love going over there & playing w/ him & Ellie! but it kinda sucks because i'm not friends w/ his friends, so its hard for us to find time to hang out. he's supposed to teach me how to play video games though! eee! haha and we're gonna go swing next time I'm home! yeah, we're nerds. and i'm gonna give him an underdoggie! (even though he didn't know what that was!!!!haha idiot)
3. sometimes Marc amazes me. like when he had "i love you just let me show it... geesh" in his info. that was sooo sweet and really surprised me because I didn't know he wanted to show it (i mean, i know he loves me, but ya know). and this one time, right before shelby's birthday party, he said lots of things that just blew me away. time out, Jessica Simpsons' video is on!!! mmmm! she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life!! boys must get boners just from looking at her. ok back to what I was saying. anyway, he was soooo wonderful that I couldn't believe it. but.... ya know, actions speak louder than words, and i'm getting confused. when we're alone (or hanging out w/ couples), its like we're a couple. when we're not alone, its different. sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. I like being at a party and not being attached at each others hips, but when we do cross paths, I want him to be sweeeet. Sometimes I wonder if he just keeps me close so nobody else can have me, or what. because he does do the jealous thing a lot. and he knows how to get to me-- he knows he has the upper hand on any guy because I love him. and if I have plans w/ someone else, he always says "well, I guess you don't want to see me then, since you don't have time" uuugh gets me every time, and I shouldn't let it...unless he's going to be sweet to me, because the point is.... I don't have to be hanging out w/ him. and he really takes it for granted. but anyway, I guess I'm just expecting him to be super sweet to me because he's supposed to be winning me back if he wants me-- he hurt me. I told him if he's not 100% sure he wants to be w/ me, then I don't want him. and he said he's not 100% yet, and I know that means he's close, but isn't 100. and he told me the reason why he isn't 100, and it would be irrelevant if we were together. so idk. he doesn't like talking about it.. he seriously gets mad and either yells or quits talking to me. so its like.. how do I handle it? I'm not even 100% right now (but I could be in an instant if he just blew me away w/ some sweetness or romanticism)... but its because of his attitude sometimes. and I assume it would change if we were together.... but if not, then forget it. Its all so weird because I really thought we were amazing when we were together. he wasn't mean, careless, and cocky, and i wasn't bitchy and always trying to start something. but the question is.... will we stop our bullshit if we were together again? if we're gonna be, then "I wanna be stronger than we've ever been".
blahblahblah... that was a rampage. but its ok because I have to wait for my salmon to be done cooking before I can get in the shower. and that's not enough time to start any hw or anything. haaaah, look at me, justifying my procrastination. sick.
PS: i think I'm going to move in with kyle when my lease on the apt. runs out. how do I tell Destiny?????