Dreams - NC-17 rated
Sometimes I wonder if like is just a dream.
Or is that a perpetual nightmare?
Like the proverbial damn that is about to burst.
Just what the *FUCK* am I talking about?
Fucking, of course. Well, OK- maybe not necessarily that per se.
Just WHAT is it that gets into a person's system that seems to
stifle- to the point that there can't be any satisfaction?
Sexual release?
It's been said that artists usually can't create to their optimum
extremes unless they achieve release of all their sexual tensions,
expression of their kinks and fetishes and a complete feeling of
satisfaction with their inner (animal) self. Ah- how true
this seems, for this frustrated artist (disc jockey) hasn't even
begun to tap his true potential. Every night spinning tunes seems
to be a hodge-podge of mish-mash, disorganization and frustration.
Disorganization: The CDs are random burns of miscellaneous stuff,
arranged roughly according to new and newer (2004-2005) and old
(70's to 2003). This is my little system that works for now as the
laptop has been defunct for a year now. Not that I'd rather play MP3s
in a club as they sound like shit over a loud audio system, but having
that convenience and flexibility makes having requests a lot smoother,
+ 1000's more titles to choose from as well. Therefore- the CD collection
has had to ''grow'' by at least a few a week.
It seems that Yours Truly is finally beginning to rebuild a ''following''
of people who want to hear me play @Purgatory on Tuesdays,
and are actually DANCING fairly early (before 12 midnight- unusual in
that place). Yet- I can't get ANYONE to come to my regular Thursday
gig @Jacob's. I realize that Thursdays in Cincinnasty have had many
established venues for quite a while, but it's still frustrating as hell.
People want to go where the damn CROWDS are, which is completely
understandable. Yet- the peeps are always coming up to Yours Truly and
BITCHING about the music played by some other so-called ''disc jockeys''
(SIGH). So what to do? Somehow get into another club doing what I do
best? Ohhhhh ... the politics in this town. The backstabbing.
The drug-addicted ''disc jockeys'' who can't even beat-mix electronic
music right, much less music with mostly/all acoustical instruments.
Of course- they all play the same boring CRAP over and over again.
Back to that sexual frustration:
It's been 3+ years since I've had uhhh ... well BONED a guy, fer chrissake!
(No names mentioned. That no-good piece 'o' shit ex of mine? Maybe).
2 years since I had sex with a woman.
It's not the (lack of) sex, really.
It is- what else?
The lack of affection.
And love.
At LEAST some like.
I even had a guy kiss me @Purgatory this past Tuesday.
Taking some initiative to be social with strangers (hell it helps
to work in the place now, doesn't it?) I went up to him after my
early gig was finished and asked him if he was on anyone's guest
list. He replied to the contrary- so I told him if he'd give me
his name and email address I'd inform him of the next gig and get
him in as a guest. I also gave him a CD dubbed from a recent Jacob's
gig. He replied ''Oh thank you, THANK YOU!'' and snapped ''I'd
kiss you but you probably AREN'T gay, are you.'' Of course I replied
to THAT in the negative- but also stated that ''I'm old enough to
be your father'' (he looked to be around 24-28). He said ''yeah
right- you're full of shit'' so I showed him the baseball-style
shirt STU gave me before my birthday which reads on the back
''By God I'm 40.'' He was like ''yeah, whatever.'' (FLATTERY).
So I showed him my I.D.
He was incredulous (guess the lights in a club typically aren't
very bright, eh?). ''WOW! You look damn cute for 40. What's your
secret for staying so young looking???''
Of course it's necessary to hold up a lit Camel Filter and reply:
''Anti-oxidants.''
So Yours Truly then said ''Well where the hell's my KISS?''
So I got one.
Another thing: I wore this b & w button which simply states:
''Do I Look Straight To You?'' - but it had fallen off and gotten
lost by the time this encounter occurred. Sigh, again.
I emailed the guy- letting him know of upcoming events and stating
simply that it was good to meet him. Nothing forward at all.
Will I ever hear back from him? Who knows ...
Is email even a least bit effective way to communicate?
Again- misperceptions. People probably *ASSUME* that working in a
bar or club automagically makes me a big S-L-U-T. HA! How I wish.
Well, with just ONE guy, anyway. Even if it's not the most ideal
relationship, but I'm certainly not desperate.
Just distraught at times.
Most of the time I really *DO* try and just forget about it all.
It's enough to find friends that treat you right-
much less a spouse or other companion.
There's two schools of thought on this:
0.) Forget about it and it will come to you.
1.) You have to go out and look for love.
WHICH one is correct? Or are both?
I still don't believe that THE man-- OVER 30 y/o I'm looking
for exists in this sorry-excuse-of-a-city. Period.
============================================================
Dreams come true- in another place and time for Yours Truly.
============================================================
Or is that a perpetual nightmare?
Like the proverbial damn that is about to burst.
Just what the *FUCK* am I talking about?
Fucking, of course. Well, OK- maybe not necessarily that per se.
Just WHAT is it that gets into a person's system that seems to
stifle- to the point that there can't be any satisfaction?
Sexual release?
It's been said that artists usually can't create to their optimum
extremes unless they achieve release of all their sexual tensions,
expression of their kinks and fetishes and a complete feeling of
satisfaction with their inner (animal) self. Ah- how true
this seems, for this frustrated artist (disc jockey) hasn't even
begun to tap his true potential. Every night spinning tunes seems
to be a hodge-podge of mish-mash, disorganization and frustration.
Disorganization: The CDs are random burns of miscellaneous stuff,
arranged roughly according to new and newer (2004-2005) and old
(70's to 2003). This is my little system that works for now as the
laptop has been defunct for a year now. Not that I'd rather play MP3s
in a club as they sound like shit over a loud audio system, but having
that convenience and flexibility makes having requests a lot smoother,
+ 1000's more titles to choose from as well. Therefore- the CD collection
has had to ''grow'' by at least a few a week.
It seems that Yours Truly is finally beginning to rebuild a ''following''
of people who want to hear me play @Purgatory on Tuesdays,
and are actually DANCING fairly early (before 12 midnight- unusual in
that place). Yet- I can't get ANYONE to come to my regular Thursday
gig @Jacob's. I realize that Thursdays in Cincinnasty have had many
established venues for quite a while, but it's still frustrating as hell.
People want to go where the damn CROWDS are, which is completely
understandable. Yet- the peeps are always coming up to Yours Truly and
BITCHING about the music played by some other so-called ''disc jockeys''
(SIGH). So what to do? Somehow get into another club doing what I do
best? Ohhhhh ... the politics in this town. The backstabbing.
The drug-addicted ''disc jockeys'' who can't even beat-mix electronic
music right, much less music with mostly/all acoustical instruments.
Of course- they all play the same boring CRAP over and over again.
Back to that sexual frustration:
It's been 3+ years since I've had uhhh ... well BONED a guy, fer chrissake!
(No names mentioned. That no-good piece 'o' shit ex of mine? Maybe).
2 years since I had sex with a woman.
It's not the (lack of) sex, really.
It is- what else?
The lack of affection.
And love.
At LEAST some like.
I even had a guy kiss me @Purgatory this past Tuesday.
Taking some initiative to be social with strangers (hell it helps
to work in the place now, doesn't it?) I went up to him after my
early gig was finished and asked him if he was on anyone's guest
list. He replied to the contrary- so I told him if he'd give me
his name and email address I'd inform him of the next gig and get
him in as a guest. I also gave him a CD dubbed from a recent Jacob's
gig. He replied ''Oh thank you, THANK YOU!'' and snapped ''I'd
kiss you but you probably AREN'T gay, are you.'' Of course I replied
to THAT in the negative- but also stated that ''I'm old enough to
be your father'' (he looked to be around 24-28). He said ''yeah
right- you're full of shit'' so I showed him the baseball-style
shirt STU gave me before my birthday which reads on the back
''By God I'm 40.'' He was like ''yeah, whatever.'' (FLATTERY).
So I showed him my I.D.
He was incredulous (guess the lights in a club typically aren't
very bright, eh?). ''WOW! You look damn cute for 40. What's your
secret for staying so young looking???''
Of course it's necessary to hold up a lit Camel Filter and reply:
''Anti-oxidants.''
So Yours Truly then said ''Well where the hell's my KISS?''
So I got one.
Another thing: I wore this b & w button which simply states:
''Do I Look Straight To You?'' - but it had fallen off and gotten
lost by the time this encounter occurred. Sigh, again.
I emailed the guy- letting him know of upcoming events and stating
simply that it was good to meet him. Nothing forward at all.
Will I ever hear back from him? Who knows ...
Is email even a least bit effective way to communicate?
Again- misperceptions. People probably *ASSUME* that working in a
bar or club automagically makes me a big S-L-U-T. HA! How I wish.
Well, with just ONE guy, anyway. Even if it's not the most ideal
relationship, but I'm certainly not desperate.
Just distraught at times.
Most of the time I really *DO* try and just forget about it all.
It's enough to find friends that treat you right-
much less a spouse or other companion.
There's two schools of thought on this:
0.) Forget about it and it will come to you.
1.) You have to go out and look for love.
WHICH one is correct? Or are both?
I still don't believe that THE man-- OVER 30 y/o I'm looking
for exists in this sorry-excuse-of-a-city. Period.
============================================================
Dreams come true- in another place and time for Yours Truly.
============================================================