The world as seen through my eyes
Ever wonder what makes people tick?
Sometimes it seems like you can't even come close to figuring that out.
Given the # of oxymorons I've observed in my 40 years thus far,
it's a wonder I can even think at all.
For example:
''Holy War''
''Military Intelligence''
''Customer Service''
''Personal Computer''
''Gay Community''
''Same Difference''
''Micro$oft Work$''
''Dry Lake''
''Sound Of Silence''
''Zero Deficit''
''Afro-American Community''
... and so on.
Given some of the above, I still feel amazed at times that some very STRANGE
paradoxes always rear their heads at the most unexpected times.
I, myself am a walking paradox. Yet- my life is pretty much an Open Book.
The walking, talking book can lend oneself to be BORING- as there's no ''mystery''
there. Yet people never seem to KNOW me, despite the above. There really isn't
any proverbial 'skeletons' in my closet, yet people always get me wrong.
A popular ''SPORT'' people love to play with me is the game of Character Assassination.
Always attacking me because of their own internal rottenness, or they're
jealous for some reason.
There's a term for it: PROJECTION.
For example: even those that have known me for years on a social level-
NEVER can seem to remember that I'm:
0.) Gay.
1.) 40 years old.
2.) That I'm a disc jockey (have been for almost 21 years).
(AH! Labels! More on that later ...)
Instead- people have known me as ''Pizza Joe.''
UGH.
As part of promoting myself for the disc jockey gigs- I've pretty much been
forced to go out and talk to people I don't know. This is something I've *NEVER*
done in my life before but as I've been ''out of the loop'' for years when it
comes to spinning tunes it's a necessary evil. Yet- the same people I've seen
around in gay bars and clubs lately have told me they always thought I was
''straight.'' WTF??? Is THIS why I never get any dates? I'm hardly dog-meat,
au contraire- a lot of people to this day still call me ''cute.''
CUTE??? A 40 year-old? I don't think so but I'll take their word for it.
I think more in terms of ''an averagely semi-handsome Average Joe.''
So it goes- haven't been laid by a guy in 3+ years. That- in and of itself
doesn't really bother me. It's the lack of love- or at least LIKE & affection
that sometimes causes this often throbbing, excruciating pain. I'm not even that
picky when it comes to ''looks,'' but more the character of a person. THAT is
of upmost importance.
These days I feel the need to STILL clean up the house- ie; get rid of some
of the TRASH in my life. The drunks, druggies, the constantly negatively
affected people who in turn affect MY peace and tranquility in adverse ways.
As one described as the proverbial ''psychic feeler'' it's impossible to
tune all this crap out. A persons negativity invariably affects ME in negative
ways. The only way to deal is to GET RID. PERIOD.
A great example: Cincinnasty's so-called ''premiere gay dance club'': The Dock.
They seem to only cater to a bunch of hilly-billy queens, as that's all they
seem to get in there. This past Saturday- I swear it looked like a circus freak
show. The ''vibe'' I was getting all night long- from the gawd-awful music
(yeah BLOWFISH it's time for you to be let out of the tank to die- you bitchy
cretin. Retirement on the horizon for you?) to the self-loathing, negative and
destructive attitudes and behaviors of the collective crowds ... it's so damn
overwhelming.
OTOH- the snobbiness I encounter from the so-called ''gay community'' at times
just makes me feel I don't fit in ANYWHERE. The hours I keep, my occupation(s),
etc. seem to make others throw collective stones my way before they even allow
me a fighting CHANCE for gawd's sake! Oh well ... their loss.
Other gay ''cliches'' that seem to come to life:
0.) The herd-like ''culture'' of music. WHAT is the latest 'gay' dance tune?
I don't care. ANYTHING new doesn't have to be 'gay' music. Blah.
I'm not trying to ''Think Different'' just for the sake of it. My musical
tastes vary wildly, I like what I like.
1.) You MUST vote straight demon-cratic down party lines.
WHY? What's the purpose of subscribing to ANY politico parties?
That's akin to applying a label of 'Xian' or any of it's sects.
Can't you think for yourself?
2.) ''Retail Queens''- who spend all their money on clothes.
The marketers have pulled a fast one on most of you too- from
the time you were born and indoctrinated into Mass Consumer Culture.
A&F clothing sucks, anyway. Ditto for Hot Topics (sp?).
3.) Speaking of ''Labels''- although I don't shun labels per se-
as they're needed to identify an idea, person or object ... WHY must
people label themselves in such meaningless ways?
For example:
''gay'' or ''bottom'' or ''Liberal''
How gauche. And vague, too.
4.) The promiscuity. I have NO problem with people who want to indulge
themselves in any way they see fit.
It's something I do NOT WANT for myself and potential future partner.
PERIOD.
This isn't just limited to the ''gay''culture. I've known a LOT of
people of differing bends over the years that have been VERY compulsive
sexually.
Disease and pregnancy often result.
''Responsibility To The Responsible'' is more than just a saying.
People can ill afford to complain when they ''bareback'' with multiple,
anonymous partners and then come down with some horrible disease.
Sorry about your luck!
I have no room to bitch. I've been smoking cigarettes for 22 years.
It'll probably kill me.
.
The fact remains- there's more bisexuals in the world than ''straights''
or ''gays.'' This comes from my own experience. People are people. Either
you feel a sexual attraction or you don't. Even myself- I'm TECHNICALLY
bi-sexual although my inclinations are much stronger towards men.
That- and I do NOT feel I could ever become emotionally attached to a
woman. The irony is I find MANY more women attractive than men.
Again- remember my most strong ''drive.''
Kinsey would have a fun time with me. So would Freud.
In the end, though I'm just simply Joe.
Yet a very unique character.
Sometimes it seems like you can't even come close to figuring that out.
Given the # of oxymorons I've observed in my 40 years thus far,
it's a wonder I can even think at all.
For example:
''Holy War''
''Military Intelligence''
''Customer Service''
''Personal Computer''
''Gay Community''
''Same Difference''
''Micro$oft Work$''
''Dry Lake''
''Sound Of Silence''
''Zero Deficit''
''Afro-American Community''
... and so on.
Given some of the above, I still feel amazed at times that some very STRANGE
paradoxes always rear their heads at the most unexpected times.
I, myself am a walking paradox. Yet- my life is pretty much an Open Book.
The walking, talking book can lend oneself to be BORING- as there's no ''mystery''
there. Yet people never seem to KNOW me, despite the above. There really isn't
any proverbial 'skeletons' in my closet, yet people always get me wrong.
A popular ''SPORT'' people love to play with me is the game of Character Assassination.
Always attacking me because of their own internal rottenness, or they're
jealous for some reason.
There's a term for it: PROJECTION.
For example: even those that have known me for years on a social level-
NEVER can seem to remember that I'm:
0.) Gay.
1.) 40 years old.
2.) That I'm a disc jockey (have been for almost 21 years).
(AH! Labels! More on that later ...)
Instead- people have known me as ''Pizza Joe.''
UGH.
As part of promoting myself for the disc jockey gigs- I've pretty much been
forced to go out and talk to people I don't know. This is something I've *NEVER*
done in my life before but as I've been ''out of the loop'' for years when it
comes to spinning tunes it's a necessary evil. Yet- the same people I've seen
around in gay bars and clubs lately have told me they always thought I was
''straight.'' WTF??? Is THIS why I never get any dates? I'm hardly dog-meat,
au contraire- a lot of people to this day still call me ''cute.''
CUTE??? A 40 year-old? I don't think so but I'll take their word for it.
I think more in terms of ''an averagely semi-handsome Average Joe.''
So it goes- haven't been laid by a guy in 3+ years. That- in and of itself
doesn't really bother me. It's the lack of love- or at least LIKE & affection
that sometimes causes this often throbbing, excruciating pain. I'm not even that
picky when it comes to ''looks,'' but more the character of a person. THAT is
of upmost importance.
These days I feel the need to STILL clean up the house- ie; get rid of some
of the TRASH in my life. The drunks, druggies, the constantly negatively
affected people who in turn affect MY peace and tranquility in adverse ways.
As one described as the proverbial ''psychic feeler'' it's impossible to
tune all this crap out. A persons negativity invariably affects ME in negative
ways. The only way to deal is to GET RID. PERIOD.
A great example: Cincinnasty's so-called ''premiere gay dance club'': The Dock.
They seem to only cater to a bunch of hilly-billy queens, as that's all they
seem to get in there. This past Saturday- I swear it looked like a circus freak
show. The ''vibe'' I was getting all night long- from the gawd-awful music
(yeah BLOWFISH it's time for you to be let out of the tank to die- you bitchy
cretin. Retirement on the horizon for you?) to the self-loathing, negative and
destructive attitudes and behaviors of the collective crowds ... it's so damn
overwhelming.
OTOH- the snobbiness I encounter from the so-called ''gay community'' at times
just makes me feel I don't fit in ANYWHERE. The hours I keep, my occupation(s),
etc. seem to make others throw collective stones my way before they even allow
me a fighting CHANCE for gawd's sake! Oh well ... their loss.
Other gay ''cliches'' that seem to come to life:
0.) The herd-like ''culture'' of music. WHAT is the latest 'gay' dance tune?
I don't care. ANYTHING new doesn't have to be 'gay' music. Blah.
I'm not trying to ''Think Different'' just for the sake of it. My musical
tastes vary wildly, I like what I like.
1.) You MUST vote straight demon-cratic down party lines.
WHY? What's the purpose of subscribing to ANY politico parties?
That's akin to applying a label of 'Xian' or any of it's sects.
Can't you think for yourself?
2.) ''Retail Queens''- who spend all their money on clothes.
The marketers have pulled a fast one on most of you too- from
the time you were born and indoctrinated into Mass Consumer Culture.
A&F clothing sucks, anyway. Ditto for Hot Topics (sp?).
3.) Speaking of ''Labels''- although I don't shun labels per se-
as they're needed to identify an idea, person or object ... WHY must
people label themselves in such meaningless ways?
For example:
''gay'' or ''bottom'' or ''Liberal''
How gauche. And vague, too.
4.) The promiscuity. I have NO problem with people who want to indulge
themselves in any way they see fit.
It's something I do NOT WANT for myself and potential future partner.
PERIOD.
This isn't just limited to the ''gay''culture. I've known a LOT of
people of differing bends over the years that have been VERY compulsive
sexually.
Disease and pregnancy often result.
''Responsibility To The Responsible'' is more than just a saying.
People can ill afford to complain when they ''bareback'' with multiple,
anonymous partners and then come down with some horrible disease.
Sorry about your luck!
I have no room to bitch. I've been smoking cigarettes for 22 years.
It'll probably kill me.
.
The fact remains- there's more bisexuals in the world than ''straights''
or ''gays.'' This comes from my own experience. People are people. Either
you feel a sexual attraction or you don't. Even myself- I'm TECHNICALLY
bi-sexual although my inclinations are much stronger towards men.
That- and I do NOT feel I could ever become emotionally attached to a
woman. The irony is I find MANY more women attractive than men.
Again- remember my most strong ''drive.''
Kinsey would have a fun time with me. So would Freud.
In the end, though I'm just simply Joe.
Yet a very unique character.