Lyrics...even though it's the stereotypical emo kid thing to do...
but Pandora can be just as psychic as winamp sometimes. Such a pretty song. Listen below.
Pale - Within Temptation
The world seems not the same
Though I know nothing has changed
It's all my state of mind
I can't leave it all behind
I have to stand up to be stronger
I have to try
To break free
From the thoughts in my mind
Use the time that I have
I can say goodbye
Have to make it right
Have to fight
'Cause I know in the end it's worthwhile
That the pain that I feel slowly fades away
It will be all right
I know
I should realize
Time is precious
It is worthwhile
Despite how I feel inside
Have to trust it'll be alright
Have to stand up to be stronger
Oh, this night is too long
Have no strength to go on
No more pain I'm floating away
Through the mist I see the face
Of an angel, calls my name
I remember you're the reason I have to stay
Turned on Pandora after I got home from Columbus and that was one of the songs that came up. I'd heard it plenty of times before, but never payed much attention to the lyrics. Kinda hit home with everything that's been going on. I thought I was getting better, but seeing him on AIM and people from school commenting/liking his few posts on facebook gave me a bit of a relapse. He did comment on a post I made about a TV show we both watch and liked my update about going to Columbus, so at least he hasn't blocked me from his feed. It's piddly trivial stuff, but it matters to me. The AIM thing probably bothers me the most. I'd always have a message within a minute of him getting on, and now all I can do is look at my list and see him on. No one to talk to, no one to say goodnight to. I want to ask how class is going, how the people in his program are, if his professors are cool or not, but I told him I wouldn't bug him and I have to stick to that. I just wonder if he's distancing himself from me because it's hard on him or if he just doesn't care. Again more questions I won't have an answer for.
At least I got a decent distraction last weekend by going to Columbus for Arnell's birthday. In a bizarre twist of fate, I wound up carpooling with Leslie, his ex. She asked if people wanted to carpool and I said sure since I didn't really feel like driving by myself and it ended up just being the two of us on the way there since the others had to pull out. I'll admit it was a tad weird, especially going to Brighton and not going to Paul's. We did drive very close to his house and that was a bit painful, but I held it together. It's kind of funny I guess; her and I went to Chicago after she broke up with Paul, and now her and I go to Columbus after Paul breaks up with me. It makes me feel like a huge hypocrite though. I kind of felt like I had to live up to their relationship since he felt so strongly about her and I wanted that for myself, so when he told me he wanted to try being friends with her again I expressed my dislike and asked him to drop the issue and he complied. It was incredibly selfish of me and I'd do everything I could to take it back. I had no right to say that and I feel like I'm slapping him in the face and the last thing I want to do is make him hate me.
Despite all of this, I really did have a good time. We were so busy there wasn't any time to think of the bad stuff and get sad. I got to hang out with people I hadn't seen in awhile, met a few new people, drank too much and spent too much, but sometimes you have to do that. It was nice to know that a few people do give a damn about me.
Blarg. I hate having brains that feel like scrambled eggs. Vomiting all my thoughts here helps since I can't really do that on facebook, though I've just decided to say fuck it and leave this entry public. Read it, laugh at me, pity me, think I'm a psycho, obsessed, pathetic, I really don't care. There's enough misconceptions about me that they all start to blend together after awhile. I think I'm going to go make some tea now because Ohio gave me the plague. If you have a Teavana near you and you like tea, you owe it to yourself to check it out. It's pricey, snobby, boutique tea, but soooo good. Later~
Pale - Within Temptation
The world seems not the same
Though I know nothing has changed
It's all my state of mind
I can't leave it all behind
I have to stand up to be stronger
I have to try
To break free
From the thoughts in my mind
Use the time that I have
I can say goodbye
Have to make it right
Have to fight
'Cause I know in the end it's worthwhile
That the pain that I feel slowly fades away
It will be all right
I know
I should realize
Time is precious
It is worthwhile
Despite how I feel inside
Have to trust it'll be alright
Have to stand up to be stronger
Oh, this night is too long
Have no strength to go on
No more pain I'm floating away
Through the mist I see the face
Of an angel, calls my name
I remember you're the reason I have to stay
Click to viewTurned on Pandora after I got home from Columbus and that was one of the songs that came up. I'd heard it plenty of times before, but never payed much attention to the lyrics. Kinda hit home with everything that's been going on. I thought I was getting better, but seeing him on AIM and people from school commenting/liking his few posts on facebook gave me a bit of a relapse. He did comment on a post I made about a TV show we both watch and liked my update about going to Columbus, so at least he hasn't blocked me from his feed. It's piddly trivial stuff, but it matters to me. The AIM thing probably bothers me the most. I'd always have a message within a minute of him getting on, and now all I can do is look at my list and see him on. No one to talk to, no one to say goodnight to. I want to ask how class is going, how the people in his program are, if his professors are cool or not, but I told him I wouldn't bug him and I have to stick to that. I just wonder if he's distancing himself from me because it's hard on him or if he just doesn't care. Again more questions I won't have an answer for.
At least I got a decent distraction last weekend by going to Columbus for Arnell's birthday. In a bizarre twist of fate, I wound up carpooling with Leslie, his ex. She asked if people wanted to carpool and I said sure since I didn't really feel like driving by myself and it ended up just being the two of us on the way there since the others had to pull out. I'll admit it was a tad weird, especially going to Brighton and not going to Paul's. We did drive very close to his house and that was a bit painful, but I held it together. It's kind of funny I guess; her and I went to Chicago after she broke up with Paul, and now her and I go to Columbus after Paul breaks up with me. It makes me feel like a huge hypocrite though. I kind of felt like I had to live up to their relationship since he felt so strongly about her and I wanted that for myself, so when he told me he wanted to try being friends with her again I expressed my dislike and asked him to drop the issue and he complied. It was incredibly selfish of me and I'd do everything I could to take it back. I had no right to say that and I feel like I'm slapping him in the face and the last thing I want to do is make him hate me.
Despite all of this, I really did have a good time. We were so busy there wasn't any time to think of the bad stuff and get sad. I got to hang out with people I hadn't seen in awhile, met a few new people, drank too much and spent too much, but sometimes you have to do that. It was nice to know that a few people do give a damn about me.
Blarg. I hate having brains that feel like scrambled eggs. Vomiting all my thoughts here helps since I can't really do that on facebook, though I've just decided to say fuck it and leave this entry public. Read it, laugh at me, pity me, think I'm a psycho, obsessed, pathetic, I really don't care. There's enough misconceptions about me that they all start to blend together after awhile. I think I'm going to go make some tea now because Ohio gave me the plague. If you have a Teavana near you and you like tea, you owe it to yourself to check it out. It's pricey, snobby, boutique tea, but soooo good. Later~