This year
It's the anniversary of Gran's passing today so I thought it would be timely to sit back and reflect on the various things that have happened and that I have done this year. My highs and lows as such so I can see what I have and haven't achieved.
Highs:
* New Year's Eve / Day - a very special moment
* The flowers I have done this year - lots of different things, lots of cool things eg heart shaped bouquet, Danni's freeform bouquet. I think the quality of my floral work is definitely slowly starting to get better.
* Reconnecting with moonvoice and the subsequent friendship that has come from this
* Ten year badge at SES
* Various functions I have organised have gone well eg Masquerade, Awards Ceremony, Quiz day etc for Swancon.
* Actually seeking out proferssional help - though this was a mixed bag as it was also a low for me for reasons I'll explain later on. But it gave me some things to think about, and a means to be able to start to change things I am capable of changing.
* Celebrating my fourth year anniversary of marriage with Doof and the realisation I have been with him for nine years now.
* The friendships I have built upon this year.
* Jurien Bay with the family
* The realisation my sister is growing up and becoming someone I absolutely adore.
* Christmas Day where I hardly cooked at all!
* Mel and D's engagement
* Finding out someone I hold dear to me is expecting.
* Finally settling down into a normal routine at work.
* The strength of my family, and the strength we provide to each other.
* The interaction I have with my imp of a nephew.
Lows:
* I started this year with a funeral I didn't want to have to go to. I went to about 6 funerals this year. 3 were for people I know under the age of 21. All up, I have to say I am kind of glad I didn't have to attend any in the latter half of the year.
* Pulling out of uni - I wasn't handling it well at all.
* Overall losses - the death of the twins, the fact my cousin is in Graylands, friendships, the fact that some things are just not meant to be
* Loss of trust within some core relationships which resulted in me having a major breakdown and needing to seek professional help. This made me realise I am not as infallible as I like to think I am and made me really look at a lot of things. Along with the associated guilt, the flashbacks, and the depressive state, this was not a fun period for me.
* Being hounded by the media - not a fun experience and not one I want to have to go through again.
* Family troubles - W & K on the verge of separating a year after they got married, members being unwell, the division of the family over things we couldn't control internally
* HCN for the headache they give. Did I mention how much of a total suck they are?
* Calling my cousin on the day of the twins birthday and listening to her cry for ten minutes about how much she misses them. Not being able to say anything to comfort her, and not having anything to be able to say other than I know you feel bad, I'm still here. It seemed so little at the time, given how much she was hurting. It still seems so little. The waiting game associated with all of this.
It has been an incredibly busy year and there's a part of me that doesn't really believe the end of the year is so close. I've done some things I am really proud of, and had others where I have not at all been proud of the person I am. It has been an incredibly mixed bag of a year. I'm glad I've survived to the end of the year. I hope next year is a vast improvement on this year, though having said that, I am who I am today due to all these things that have happened. This isn't going to change any time in the near future, or even in the distant future. I am who I am and I will be proud of who I am.
Highs:
* New Year's Eve / Day - a very special moment
* The flowers I have done this year - lots of different things, lots of cool things eg heart shaped bouquet, Danni's freeform bouquet. I think the quality of my floral work is definitely slowly starting to get better.
* Reconnecting with moonvoice and the subsequent friendship that has come from this
* Ten year badge at SES
* Various functions I have organised have gone well eg Masquerade, Awards Ceremony, Quiz day etc for Swancon.
* Actually seeking out proferssional help - though this was a mixed bag as it was also a low for me for reasons I'll explain later on. But it gave me some things to think about, and a means to be able to start to change things I am capable of changing.
* Celebrating my fourth year anniversary of marriage with Doof and the realisation I have been with him for nine years now.
* The friendships I have built upon this year.
* Jurien Bay with the family
* The realisation my sister is growing up and becoming someone I absolutely adore.
* Christmas Day where I hardly cooked at all!
* Mel and D's engagement
* Finding out someone I hold dear to me is expecting.
* Finally settling down into a normal routine at work.
* The strength of my family, and the strength we provide to each other.
* The interaction I have with my imp of a nephew.
Lows:
* I started this year with a funeral I didn't want to have to go to. I went to about 6 funerals this year. 3 were for people I know under the age of 21. All up, I have to say I am kind of glad I didn't have to attend any in the latter half of the year.
* Pulling out of uni - I wasn't handling it well at all.
* Overall losses - the death of the twins, the fact my cousin is in Graylands, friendships, the fact that some things are just not meant to be
* Loss of trust within some core relationships which resulted in me having a major breakdown and needing to seek professional help. This made me realise I am not as infallible as I like to think I am and made me really look at a lot of things. Along with the associated guilt, the flashbacks, and the depressive state, this was not a fun period for me.
* Being hounded by the media - not a fun experience and not one I want to have to go through again.
* Family troubles - W & K on the verge of separating a year after they got married, members being unwell, the division of the family over things we couldn't control internally
* HCN for the headache they give. Did I mention how much of a total suck they are?
* Calling my cousin on the day of the twins birthday and listening to her cry for ten minutes about how much she misses them. Not being able to say anything to comfort her, and not having anything to be able to say other than I know you feel bad, I'm still here. It seemed so little at the time, given how much she was hurting. It still seems so little. The waiting game associated with all of this.
It has been an incredibly busy year and there's a part of me that doesn't really believe the end of the year is so close. I've done some things I am really proud of, and had others where I have not at all been proud of the person I am. It has been an incredibly mixed bag of a year. I'm glad I've survived to the end of the year. I hope next year is a vast improvement on this year, though having said that, I am who I am today due to all these things that have happened. This isn't going to change any time in the near future, or even in the distant future. I am who I am and I will be proud of who I am.