On family
I was reminded recently how long it's been since I have written something decent on my lj. Not that I think that many people read me, but it's nice to know people check up on me via my lj :)
In light of all that has happened this year, with my cousin and the death of her twins, my other cousin being in jail, all the minor family disputes, this post is going to focus very heavily on my own family interactions.
I realise with a certain wryness, that my family are insanely close to each other. We all get along well, and there is nothing that happens in each of our lives where someone else in the family doesn't know about it. Once someone knows, everyone knows. Which I understand is not the way all families work, but I actually like and appreciate that sense of belonging I have around my family.
We spent the weekend just gone with my family up in Jurien bay. Doof, mum, my nephew and I drove up on Thursday afternoon so we could get the keys etc for the place we were staying at, and everyone else was going to come up when my brothers finished work.
So all up there were 9 adults and a child on this weekend away. 3 cars and a metric shitload of gear, which was very interestingly tetrised amongst the three cars, ours being the one that had most of the cooking/kitchen stuff seeing as mum and I were both in the same car.
Watching my family interact with each other in a casual setting like this reminds me how not all family relationships are like mine. My family aren't just my family, they are my friends as well. My sister calls me every few days, because 'it feels like forever since she last spoke to me' despite the fact that it will only have been a few days ago. And these conversations aren't short conversations - the shortest conversation we have is about 40 minutes, normally we speak for at least an hour, hour and a half. I go out most mornings with mum walking and we always have things to talk about. I can talk to my brothers about anything. I am incredibly lucky to have this dynamic and I think sometimes I take it much more for granted than I should.
I was reminded how close we all are recently when we went out for dinner to celebrate my brother's 1 year wedding anniversary. We went to the Red Cray in Rivervale, and we all ordered separate dishes, but then spent the meal passing our plates around and leaning over each other. To outsiders, it probably looked like we were an uncouth mob but to us, it was an experience we were all sharing. We reach over each other, we pass food around, we interject, we jump in, we call each other names - I can fully understand why outsiders would think we were being rude and not at all functional as a family. But it's a completely different perspective when you understand this is my family, and we don't see it that way at all - it's a sharing, it's a closeness we have where we can interject and cut in knowing it's because we understand each other, it's a teasing where we can talk to each other in those lighthearted tones and have a laugh with each other, it's making sure we involve everyone else in our experience and making it a collective experience.
I saw this again on the weekend, where on Saturday we spent the day out at the beach fishing. The boys had left early with mum and dad and the rest of the family slowly made their way down when they woke up. By the time I woke up the house was empty, and so I started to plan and prep the food to take out, quick easy stuff that we could just grab whilst on the run. We took the food out, everyone came around and sat down and ate and we each went back to what we were doing. I ribbed my brothers about not being as good as mum at fishing, they ribbed me for not even being able to cast out, but throughout it, there was a feeling of inclusivity. Without a doubt in my mind, each of my family members will pick that day as being the most enjoyable day because we were all together having a shared experience.
It makes me incredibly sad to think others don't have this experience with their families. Looking at my cousins for example. Rita was in such a bad place earlier on this year that she attempted to take her own life and succeeded in taking her children's. Up on murder charges now, her whole family have turned against her. I understand they are all grieving as well, but my sense is that she desperately needs people who care for her. No I don't condone her actions, I think what she did was wrong in every sense, but there's a part of me that understands she was not in a good space at all. I wonder how this would have played out if she had that strong link with her family, if they recognised how debilitating her depression was. I think depression in my family would be handled quite differently and that there would be a lot more support within my own family unit. But regardless, I'm not willing to turn my back on her at this point of time when she needs people around her so desperately.
I look at Dennis who has been in jail for the last 4 months and the toll it's taken and D & Mel visiting him every week. I look at the fact that a lot of Dennis' problems stem from the fact that he doesn't have a close relationship at all with his parents, his dad is far too busy being a right fuckwit and his mum has never seen him as a person in his own right. Dennis rang my brother on the weekend, and my brother said to him I'm in Jurien, with Dad and my family, fishing. This would have been an extremely cutting remark for D to make because Dennis would have been incredibly jealous that he a)couldn't be there with us, and b) didn't have that relationship with his own family in order to do something like this.
I look back and am incredibly thankful I have support from all of my family, that I can see my brothers and sister and their associated partners as my own friends, that I can have such fun times with my family, that I have that bond with them. It makes me laugh to hear others say they are close to their families, they see each other every few months or so. By all definitions then, my family are neurotic because we see each other every week at least. My parents ring me if they haven't heard from me in a couple of days to make sure I am okay. There is no chance one of us would be able to be sick and not have anyone know about it. And honestly I complain about it sometimes, but I know I would not give this up at all.
In light of all that has happened this year, with my cousin and the death of her twins, my other cousin being in jail, all the minor family disputes, this post is going to focus very heavily on my own family interactions.
I realise with a certain wryness, that my family are insanely close to each other. We all get along well, and there is nothing that happens in each of our lives where someone else in the family doesn't know about it. Once someone knows, everyone knows. Which I understand is not the way all families work, but I actually like and appreciate that sense of belonging I have around my family.
We spent the weekend just gone with my family up in Jurien bay. Doof, mum, my nephew and I drove up on Thursday afternoon so we could get the keys etc for the place we were staying at, and everyone else was going to come up when my brothers finished work.
So all up there were 9 adults and a child on this weekend away. 3 cars and a metric shitload of gear, which was very interestingly tetrised amongst the three cars, ours being the one that had most of the cooking/kitchen stuff seeing as mum and I were both in the same car.
Watching my family interact with each other in a casual setting like this reminds me how not all family relationships are like mine. My family aren't just my family, they are my friends as well. My sister calls me every few days, because 'it feels like forever since she last spoke to me' despite the fact that it will only have been a few days ago. And these conversations aren't short conversations - the shortest conversation we have is about 40 minutes, normally we speak for at least an hour, hour and a half. I go out most mornings with mum walking and we always have things to talk about. I can talk to my brothers about anything. I am incredibly lucky to have this dynamic and I think sometimes I take it much more for granted than I should.
I was reminded how close we all are recently when we went out for dinner to celebrate my brother's 1 year wedding anniversary. We went to the Red Cray in Rivervale, and we all ordered separate dishes, but then spent the meal passing our plates around and leaning over each other. To outsiders, it probably looked like we were an uncouth mob but to us, it was an experience we were all sharing. We reach over each other, we pass food around, we interject, we jump in, we call each other names - I can fully understand why outsiders would think we were being rude and not at all functional as a family. But it's a completely different perspective when you understand this is my family, and we don't see it that way at all - it's a sharing, it's a closeness we have where we can interject and cut in knowing it's because we understand each other, it's a teasing where we can talk to each other in those lighthearted tones and have a laugh with each other, it's making sure we involve everyone else in our experience and making it a collective experience.
I saw this again on the weekend, where on Saturday we spent the day out at the beach fishing. The boys had left early with mum and dad and the rest of the family slowly made their way down when they woke up. By the time I woke up the house was empty, and so I started to plan and prep the food to take out, quick easy stuff that we could just grab whilst on the run. We took the food out, everyone came around and sat down and ate and we each went back to what we were doing. I ribbed my brothers about not being as good as mum at fishing, they ribbed me for not even being able to cast out, but throughout it, there was a feeling of inclusivity. Without a doubt in my mind, each of my family members will pick that day as being the most enjoyable day because we were all together having a shared experience.
It makes me incredibly sad to think others don't have this experience with their families. Looking at my cousins for example. Rita was in such a bad place earlier on this year that she attempted to take her own life and succeeded in taking her children's. Up on murder charges now, her whole family have turned against her. I understand they are all grieving as well, but my sense is that she desperately needs people who care for her. No I don't condone her actions, I think what she did was wrong in every sense, but there's a part of me that understands she was not in a good space at all. I wonder how this would have played out if she had that strong link with her family, if they recognised how debilitating her depression was. I think depression in my family would be handled quite differently and that there would be a lot more support within my own family unit. But regardless, I'm not willing to turn my back on her at this point of time when she needs people around her so desperately.
I look at Dennis who has been in jail for the last 4 months and the toll it's taken and D & Mel visiting him every week. I look at the fact that a lot of Dennis' problems stem from the fact that he doesn't have a close relationship at all with his parents, his dad is far too busy being a right fuckwit and his mum has never seen him as a person in his own right. Dennis rang my brother on the weekend, and my brother said to him I'm in Jurien, with Dad and my family, fishing. This would have been an extremely cutting remark for D to make because Dennis would have been incredibly jealous that he a)couldn't be there with us, and b) didn't have that relationship with his own family in order to do something like this.
I look back and am incredibly thankful I have support from all of my family, that I can see my brothers and sister and their associated partners as my own friends, that I can have such fun times with my family, that I have that bond with them. It makes me laugh to hear others say they are close to their families, they see each other every few months or so. By all definitions then, my family are neurotic because we see each other every week at least. My parents ring me if they haven't heard from me in a couple of days to make sure I am okay. There is no chance one of us would be able to be sick and not have anyone know about it. And honestly I complain about it sometimes, but I know I would not give this up at all.