Thoughts on me
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reassessing. Lots has been happening and lots more is still to come but I needed to take some time out and do a mental reassessment of my life and everything I am doing.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I needed to take a break from some things. At one point, I was trying to be on two committees, keep up with my SES stuff, train at SES, work full time, study full time, do flowers on the side, keep up with my family and still socialise. It wasn’t working. And I am realising this.
So… I pulled out of uni the other day. Discontinued my units for this semester, and I will be taking a break from study next semester to give myself a chance to recharge and recuperate. There is a part of me that is completely disappointed in myself for not being able to manage this and handle my time schedule better. I feel I’ve let everyone else around me down and I feel like I have disappointed doof completely.
But there’s another part of me that realises that this year has been physically hard. I’ve had a lot happen in this year already and we aren’t even half way through the year. I’ve attended more funerals than I want to think about this year, I’ve had lots of crap happen on the work front which has been emotionally challenging and draining. I’ve picked up training at SES as an added role. I’ve organised several events already this year. I’ve done about 4 flowers jobs - which given this is meant to be on the side, is still quite a lot of extra work for me. I look at the things I have done, and think, no I am perfectly capable of doing all I am doing and more.
And I know I am. But the reality of it is, I’ve been juggling full time work and full time study (supposed to only be part time but I am doing three units a semester with a points load of between 9 - 12 points per semester which is the equivalent of full time study) for two years now. I’m surprised it has taken this long for me to feel it as hard as I have found this semester going. I’m feeling weary, I’m feeling emotionally drained, and I’m needing more hugs and cuddles from people to help me get through.
So mental re-evaluation says it’s time to take a break. Stop, smell the roses, recharge and hopefully come out feeling a little bit better. If I am supposed to have done stuff for you, please forgive me and remind me. I will be using this fallow time to reconnect with myself, with my husband and hopefully reassess everything.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I needed to take a break from some things. At one point, I was trying to be on two committees, keep up with my SES stuff, train at SES, work full time, study full time, do flowers on the side, keep up with my family and still socialise. It wasn’t working. And I am realising this.
So… I pulled out of uni the other day. Discontinued my units for this semester, and I will be taking a break from study next semester to give myself a chance to recharge and recuperate. There is a part of me that is completely disappointed in myself for not being able to manage this and handle my time schedule better. I feel I’ve let everyone else around me down and I feel like I have disappointed doof completely.
But there’s another part of me that realises that this year has been physically hard. I’ve had a lot happen in this year already and we aren’t even half way through the year. I’ve attended more funerals than I want to think about this year, I’ve had lots of crap happen on the work front which has been emotionally challenging and draining. I’ve picked up training at SES as an added role. I’ve organised several events already this year. I’ve done about 4 flowers jobs - which given this is meant to be on the side, is still quite a lot of extra work for me. I look at the things I have done, and think, no I am perfectly capable of doing all I am doing and more.
And I know I am. But the reality of it is, I’ve been juggling full time work and full time study (supposed to only be part time but I am doing three units a semester with a points load of between 9 - 12 points per semester which is the equivalent of full time study) for two years now. I’m surprised it has taken this long for me to feel it as hard as I have found this semester going. I’m feeling weary, I’m feeling emotionally drained, and I’m needing more hugs and cuddles from people to help me get through.
So mental re-evaluation says it’s time to take a break. Stop, smell the roses, recharge and hopefully come out feeling a little bit better. If I am supposed to have done stuff for you, please forgive me and remind me. I will be using this fallow time to reconnect with myself, with my husband and hopefully reassess everything.