Because I want you all the time doesn't mean I want you for all time
I think if this behavior analysis thing doesn't work out, I really won't mind being a craft and coffee maven. Or perhaps a Balinese cloister maiden. Because frankly, neither area of my life is really going anywhere these days.
Simultaneously I am stressed and discouraged as well as confident and zen. It makes for an awkward combination of fear and excitement toward my future. I'm certain it won't be as I planned, and .... you know .... that's good and bad. I go back and forth, between the feeling that these things I'm working for are so meaningless, and the feeling that the point of working for these things is to find meaning in them. (Sometimes I wish I'd make up my mind.)
Has anyone seen my motivation? I think it rolled away, but I can't seem to get up to find it.
I'm kinda tired of the current circuit of people, but suddenly a new wave has risen up. It's funny how that happens, isn't it? Do you know what's awesome? Flirting is awesome. Shameless, girly, ridiculous flirting. I love when the universe converges; I feel as if the universe occasionally rises up to bring me the flotsam of my inner battles, in the form of human contact.
I've had dreams. About Mik, about Kevin, about fantasy lovers, about purity and mystery, and about primitive urges. I've had dreams that don't make sense, dreams that were totally vivid; but mostly I've had dreams that make me feel very very feminine. I go through these dry spells, where I don't have much of a dream or fantasy life, but I think I'm on the upswing there. Perhaps Blue bewitched me.
The flow of time is such a mystery. I feel like I've been working on my retched thesis for so long, and yet, it seems like yesterday that I first, say, joined livejournal. I keep imagining that, ho hum, in six months, I'll be looking back on this moment in wonder.
Simultaneously I am stressed and discouraged as well as confident and zen. It makes for an awkward combination of fear and excitement toward my future. I'm certain it won't be as I planned, and .... you know .... that's good and bad. I go back and forth, between the feeling that these things I'm working for are so meaningless, and the feeling that the point of working for these things is to find meaning in them. (Sometimes I wish I'd make up my mind.)
Has anyone seen my motivation? I think it rolled away, but I can't seem to get up to find it.
I'm kinda tired of the current circuit of people, but suddenly a new wave has risen up. It's funny how that happens, isn't it? Do you know what's awesome? Flirting is awesome. Shameless, girly, ridiculous flirting. I love when the universe converges; I feel as if the universe occasionally rises up to bring me the flotsam of my inner battles, in the form of human contact.
I've had dreams. About Mik, about Kevin, about fantasy lovers, about purity and mystery, and about primitive urges. I've had dreams that don't make sense, dreams that were totally vivid; but mostly I've had dreams that make me feel very very feminine. I go through these dry spells, where I don't have much of a dream or fantasy life, but I think I'm on the upswing there. Perhaps Blue bewitched me.
The flow of time is such a mystery. I feel like I've been working on my retched thesis for so long, and yet, it seems like yesterday that I first, say, joined livejournal. I keep imagining that, ho hum, in six months, I'll be looking back on this moment in wonder.