Sexism or Positive Discrimination - Which is worse?
This is a cross-post from the blog where I now seem to post most of my ramblings (Twitter doesn't count):
I was sort of amused by the furore yesterday morning over Andy Gray and Richard Key’s comments on women in football. Mostly because their comments just rehashed all the usual stuff men are supposed to think about women and football (really, is anyone surprised?).
I’m not going to debate whether their comments were acceptable or not. The fact is, each and every one of us probably makes comments every day which are unacceptable to someone, somewhere. They might be in unguarded moments; they may be when we’re stressed; but we all do it.
What is the difference between "women never understand the offside rule” and “men can’t multitask”, or “men are only interested in sex*”? Yet the latter are often seen as more statements of fact, and are often used to pick on men for their lack of capability and / or shallowness.
Let’s face it, if this had been about two women complaining that you wouldn’t leave your household chores to a man, while he hoovered the hallway, there wouldn’t be half the media fuss there is. And that annoys me.
When I'm at work, I'm the only female in the office. OK, I'm not a girly girl, but I'm female nonetheless. Male-dominated workplaces are usually full of banter, such as taking the mickey out of people around you; I enjoy it.
For instance, one day last week, I drove the Subaru Forester into work. When I got there, there was a shortage of spaces, so I was forced to reverse into a smaller space than I would’ve liked. The Forester is substantially wider than the Arosa. And it took me a few goes to get it right.
So many goes, in fact, that when I eventually got out of the car, the guys watching me from the office treated me to a standing ovation.
I could’ve complained that was sexism. I could’ve complained it was bullying. Or harassment.
Instead I gave them a one-fingered salute, and walked into work laughing my pants off.
Because I know that had that been anyone else in the office, they’d have got similar treatment.
I’m sure the discrimination police would’ve had a fit if they’d seen that standing ovation - but I don’t care. Because as far as I was concerned, I was treated like one of the team - and I saw the funny side. I was well aware that I was making a real mess of parking, and I'm sure I'd have been pointing and laughing, had I been watching.
I don’t want to be placed on any kind of pedestal. I don’t want my colleagues to have to think about what they say to me in case I’m going to complain they’re sexist or discriminatory. If I get a promotion, or a pay rise, or anything else, I want it to be because my work is being judged against the same criteria as everyone else’s; I don’t want to become a statistic just to tick some equality monitoring box.
I loathe the idea of “positive” discrimination; in my mind, there’s no such thing. Partly because it puts paid to any kind of lie about the playing field being level; partly because it implies that the subject needs help otherwise they wouldn’t make it; and partly because it creates suspicion and resentment elsewhere.
The suspicion and resentment creeps in when a woman is promoted, and people wonder if she was promoted for ability, or purely because of her gender. They wonder if she would’ve got that job if she’d been male with the same level of ability. People rarely conclude “yes”.
Positive discrimination only reinforces the stereotype, and a sexist mindset, because the perception is then that the woman (or insert a minority of your choice) is benefitting at the expense of the man.
How do we get rid of sexism? That’s something I don’t feel qualified to comment on. I think we need to accept that biologically and physiologically, men and women are different. I think we also need to accept that there are things men can do which women can’t, and vice versa**. Given that, we should aim for at least an equality of opportunity.
I find myself agreeing, at least in intent, with Conservative MP Dominic Raab, who has put himself in the spotlight by saying that feminists are often "obnoxious bigots".
Also, consider things like the Chippendales (the strippers, not the furniture) versus lapdancing. I personally think both are wrong and a bit seedy, but society seems to think women going to see Chippendales as a girly night out is acceptable, where men going to a lapdancing club isn’t. When all’s said and done, it’s still one gender watching the other dance about wearing very little; what’s the difference?
Girls are allowed into Scouts; but boys aren’t allowed into Guides. This seems unfair. Society has deemed it acceptable for girls to want to be like the boys; but not for boys to want to be like girls. Perhaps that’s indicative of an underlying sexism still (that being girly is somehow wrong), but surely that should be addressed. If the point is purely equality, then boys should have the option, too, just like girls; whether any boys would go into the Guides, who knows? But otherwise, it’s still sexism.
This is not to say that there’s no prejudice anywhere (even in the UK) against women, that sexism of that kind doesn’t still lurk. But we need to be aware that it’s possible to be sexist against men, too.
Until we have any respect and appreciation for our differences, as individuals and as male or female, sexism and discrimination of all kinds will still be around.
*This is a complete aside. One of the members of a web forum Dave lurks on asked its (mostly male, mostly biker) members which they’d rather have a ride on: Cheryl Cole, or a Supermarine Spitfire. Most of them replied the Spitfire.
**Look, I’ve avoided the whole “having babies” argument!
I was sort of amused by the furore yesterday morning over Andy Gray and Richard Key’s comments on women in football. Mostly because their comments just rehashed all the usual stuff men are supposed to think about women and football (really, is anyone surprised?).
I’m not going to debate whether their comments were acceptable or not. The fact is, each and every one of us probably makes comments every day which are unacceptable to someone, somewhere. They might be in unguarded moments; they may be when we’re stressed; but we all do it.
What is the difference between "women never understand the offside rule” and “men can’t multitask”, or “men are only interested in sex*”? Yet the latter are often seen as more statements of fact, and are often used to pick on men for their lack of capability and / or shallowness.
Let’s face it, if this had been about two women complaining that you wouldn’t leave your household chores to a man, while he hoovered the hallway, there wouldn’t be half the media fuss there is. And that annoys me.
When I'm at work, I'm the only female in the office. OK, I'm not a girly girl, but I'm female nonetheless. Male-dominated workplaces are usually full of banter, such as taking the mickey out of people around you; I enjoy it.
For instance, one day last week, I drove the Subaru Forester into work. When I got there, there was a shortage of spaces, so I was forced to reverse into a smaller space than I would’ve liked. The Forester is substantially wider than the Arosa. And it took me a few goes to get it right.
So many goes, in fact, that when I eventually got out of the car, the guys watching me from the office treated me to a standing ovation.
I could’ve complained that was sexism. I could’ve complained it was bullying. Or harassment.
Instead I gave them a one-fingered salute, and walked into work laughing my pants off.
Because I know that had that been anyone else in the office, they’d have got similar treatment.
I’m sure the discrimination police would’ve had a fit if they’d seen that standing ovation - but I don’t care. Because as far as I was concerned, I was treated like one of the team - and I saw the funny side. I was well aware that I was making a real mess of parking, and I'm sure I'd have been pointing and laughing, had I been watching.
I don’t want to be placed on any kind of pedestal. I don’t want my colleagues to have to think about what they say to me in case I’m going to complain they’re sexist or discriminatory. If I get a promotion, or a pay rise, or anything else, I want it to be because my work is being judged against the same criteria as everyone else’s; I don’t want to become a statistic just to tick some equality monitoring box.
I loathe the idea of “positive” discrimination; in my mind, there’s no such thing. Partly because it puts paid to any kind of lie about the playing field being level; partly because it implies that the subject needs help otherwise they wouldn’t make it; and partly because it creates suspicion and resentment elsewhere.
The suspicion and resentment creeps in when a woman is promoted, and people wonder if she was promoted for ability, or purely because of her gender. They wonder if she would’ve got that job if she’d been male with the same level of ability. People rarely conclude “yes”.
Positive discrimination only reinforces the stereotype, and a sexist mindset, because the perception is then that the woman (or insert a minority of your choice) is benefitting at the expense of the man.
How do we get rid of sexism? That’s something I don’t feel qualified to comment on. I think we need to accept that biologically and physiologically, men and women are different. I think we also need to accept that there are things men can do which women can’t, and vice versa**. Given that, we should aim for at least an equality of opportunity.
I find myself agreeing, at least in intent, with Conservative MP Dominic Raab, who has put himself in the spotlight by saying that feminists are often "obnoxious bigots".
Also, consider things like the Chippendales (the strippers, not the furniture) versus lapdancing. I personally think both are wrong and a bit seedy, but society seems to think women going to see Chippendales as a girly night out is acceptable, where men going to a lapdancing club isn’t. When all’s said and done, it’s still one gender watching the other dance about wearing very little; what’s the difference?
Girls are allowed into Scouts; but boys aren’t allowed into Guides. This seems unfair. Society has deemed it acceptable for girls to want to be like the boys; but not for boys to want to be like girls. Perhaps that’s indicative of an underlying sexism still (that being girly is somehow wrong), but surely that should be addressed. If the point is purely equality, then boys should have the option, too, just like girls; whether any boys would go into the Guides, who knows? But otherwise, it’s still sexism.
This is not to say that there’s no prejudice anywhere (even in the UK) against women, that sexism of that kind doesn’t still lurk. But we need to be aware that it’s possible to be sexist against men, too.
Until we have any respect and appreciation for our differences, as individuals and as male or female, sexism and discrimination of all kinds will still be around.
*This is a complete aside. One of the members of a web forum Dave lurks on asked its (mostly male, mostly biker) members which they’d rather have a ride on: Cheryl Cole, or a Supermarine Spitfire. Most of them replied the Spitfire.
**Look, I’ve avoided the whole “having babies” argument!