The days are passin by...
la la la laaaaaaaa...i'm drinkin pepsay...lol. nikki, srry but my langauge is staying "Bethanian" i did create it. But the country can still be Kynibe or Lekith....haha.
I jus gotted home from skewl...i wasnt sure if it was the last class of the day or not today. i was confused. lol. i feel like such a blonde today...gr. grrrr even more...i forgotted to take home something that i needed to take home once again. i am such a failure to my brain. Whatever happened to the days i was smart?? I remember in elementary skewl i was the good girl who did all her homework on time and passed with good grades. Now, i'm struggling and falling behind. I give up on homework. I give up on science. I give up on math. I jus wanna quit skewl...but i kno i wont since i dun wanna live my life asking ppl "how may i take ur order?" I wana actually BE something. but that aint happenin eitha since no matter what, my brain jus cant remember that sorta stuff. It can remember the non-important things that i dont need to remember but it wont remember the important things that i NEED to remember. I got my report card baq from my otha skewl. i'm disappointed in myself. My grades arent good enuf. 81 in algebra, 86 in bio, 85 in spanish. Doesnt help for the fact that my sister was rubbing her grades in my face "oh i got all A's so ha" grr. No matter how hard i try, i can never be as good as them. Not in basketball (even tho i hate the sport, i still try to play it but fail) at softball (i quit that sport cuz i hate bein second best or no best or whatever) I dont draw as good as them (even tho ppl say i draw good, its not as good as them) My older sister has that singing type voice. My other sister is like the "perfect" child. It seems like she never does anything wrong. She plays Soccer, Basketball and used to play softball. She gets good grades (A's) in skewl, shes done mission trips, she gets along with my brother, she spends tym with my brother...its just grr. No matter what, i will never be as good as them. Not to mention that she cooks, and sews...me, i almost caused a fire by making popcorn and sewing isnt my thing! I dont rlly have a thing. i used to be good at puzzles but i quit that too cuz lately i havent had the tym to do anything. Besides, what good is puzzling anyways??
Anyways, i got a papercut today in skewl. ouchie. my foot fell asleep as i'm typing here my life today. I have a stomach ache. grrr.
I'm very sad. I feel at home at dudley...thats the bad part. I feel like i'm leaving worcester behind and its like i cant let it go. Out here, the STUFF is nice...but i like the ppl better in worcester. I liked everything better in worcester. Dudley is cool and all...but i still like worcester better. Dudley is def. not worcester. I used to be smart in worcester...now i feel so lost as to what i'm doing. I had a lot of friends in worcester..i didnt feel like a stranger. Now i feel like an alien.
I'm trying to get closer to God, but theres something there. i wish i knew what it was so that i can take care of it. i wanna kno whats blocking me from feeling loved. I KNOW that he loves me but i dont FEEL it. I KNOW that the bible is true but its hard for me to GET it. I KNOW that God is real...but i dont UNDERSTAND it. I guess i feel rlly bad that someone loved me so much that they would have their son die on the cross for the world full of hate. I dont like seeing ppl in pain because of me...and from passion of the christ and the bible, i feel guilty that i caused that. For me, i would die for anyone even if i didnt kno the person. i'm weird like that. I would even die for my enemy (if i had any) i dunno. i guess i should get goin now and start my hw. ttyl buh byez
~beth~
I jus gotted home from skewl...i wasnt sure if it was the last class of the day or not today. i was confused. lol. i feel like such a blonde today...gr. grrrr even more...i forgotted to take home something that i needed to take home once again. i am such a failure to my brain. Whatever happened to the days i was smart?? I remember in elementary skewl i was the good girl who did all her homework on time and passed with good grades. Now, i'm struggling and falling behind. I give up on homework. I give up on science. I give up on math. I jus wanna quit skewl...but i kno i wont since i dun wanna live my life asking ppl "how may i take ur order?" I wana actually BE something. but that aint happenin eitha since no matter what, my brain jus cant remember that sorta stuff. It can remember the non-important things that i dont need to remember but it wont remember the important things that i NEED to remember. I got my report card baq from my otha skewl. i'm disappointed in myself. My grades arent good enuf. 81 in algebra, 86 in bio, 85 in spanish. Doesnt help for the fact that my sister was rubbing her grades in my face "oh i got all A's so ha" grr. No matter how hard i try, i can never be as good as them. Not in basketball (even tho i hate the sport, i still try to play it but fail) at softball (i quit that sport cuz i hate bein second best or no best or whatever) I dont draw as good as them (even tho ppl say i draw good, its not as good as them) My older sister has that singing type voice. My other sister is like the "perfect" child. It seems like she never does anything wrong. She plays Soccer, Basketball and used to play softball. She gets good grades (A's) in skewl, shes done mission trips, she gets along with my brother, she spends tym with my brother...its just grr. No matter what, i will never be as good as them. Not to mention that she cooks, and sews...me, i almost caused a fire by making popcorn and sewing isnt my thing! I dont rlly have a thing. i used to be good at puzzles but i quit that too cuz lately i havent had the tym to do anything. Besides, what good is puzzling anyways??
Anyways, i got a papercut today in skewl. ouchie. my foot fell asleep as i'm typing here my life today. I have a stomach ache. grrr.
I'm very sad. I feel at home at dudley...thats the bad part. I feel like i'm leaving worcester behind and its like i cant let it go. Out here, the STUFF is nice...but i like the ppl better in worcester. I liked everything better in worcester. Dudley is cool and all...but i still like worcester better. Dudley is def. not worcester. I used to be smart in worcester...now i feel so lost as to what i'm doing. I had a lot of friends in worcester..i didnt feel like a stranger. Now i feel like an alien.
I'm trying to get closer to God, but theres something there. i wish i knew what it was so that i can take care of it. i wanna kno whats blocking me from feeling loved. I KNOW that he loves me but i dont FEEL it. I KNOW that the bible is true but its hard for me to GET it. I KNOW that God is real...but i dont UNDERSTAND it. I guess i feel rlly bad that someone loved me so much that they would have their son die on the cross for the world full of hate. I dont like seeing ppl in pain because of me...and from passion of the christ and the bible, i feel guilty that i caused that. For me, i would die for anyone even if i didnt kno the person. i'm weird like that. I would even die for my enemy (if i had any) i dunno. i guess i should get goin now and start my hw. ttyl buh byez
~beth~