(no subject)

Jan 31, 2005 21:48

I'm happy wen others are happy. I'm sad wen others are sad. i'm depressed wen others are depressed. I hurt wen others hurt. This life seems fake. Doesnt seem like its mine anymore. I lost control once i started 7th grade. And i tried up once again in 8th but i lost it to a tighter grip. I've been strengthening myself day by day...but i noticed that its with the wrong stuff that i've been using. I've been using my mind to strengthen me. I've been using muscle thingies to strengthen me...but i never used the Bible. I stopped using the Bible a while baq b/c i guess i'm kinda scared of it. I dont feel worthy enuf to hold it. My hands get shakey. I'm dreading to go to skewl every single day now. its not worth the fight but i hate it i rlly do. Shepherd Hill is not my home. Shepherd Hill just isnt. It wont ever be. I kno that I will grow into it...but ive lived in worcester my whole life. it was easier to make friends in WOrcester cuz i'm used to it. But now...its just not. I feel like i'm not supposed to be here. I feel like i'm living sum1 else's life. its just different. It feels like what i have i dont deserve. I'm getting better tho....really i am. its just...i dunno. i g2g to sleep now
bye
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