Broken, bruised, forgotten sore...too fvcked up to care anymore
everything is just soooo hectic ryt now. I'm having so many problems. i'm srry for snapping at ppl in the youth room...i'm just rlly...stressed. my family is like...strangers to me. We dont talk at all..i dont talk to my parents much..and i dont talk to my sisters much...and i talk to my bro like..sumtyms. I'm sick of everything...my sister is 17...17! and she has no idea wut shes gunna do wen she graduates. she still acts like a lil kid...she has no responsibilities whatsoever...i have more than she does...and i'm scared that shes gunna do something stoopid...anf that she'll screw up her life sumhow in sumway. gr. the worst feeling is knowing that wen i die...or sum1 in my family...there is a high chance i wont see them again. most christian families dont hafta worry bout that. i'm afraid that if i do get to heaven i'll screw up and get kicked out of heaven like the devil. i kno stoopid things. i'm never gunna be able to live up to any ones expectations of me...not even i can.
today at the rehersal...i was feeling soooo crappy...and it started in the youth room...wen i snapped at sum ppl b.c they was arguing about something so stoopid and wouldnt listen to me and i wanted to straighten it out...but i couldnt cuz i was getting so frustrated cuz they was playin the blame game and it was annoying the heck outa me. grr. and then durin the rehersal...i was so00o0o0o0o0o exhausted and frustrated and everything. I could not even fake a smile today for the rehresal...i tried sooooo hard...but i couldnt...my eyes wouldnt let me lie. so i was like frowning the whole tym. i felt like i screwed up everything in the musical..i was thinking too much about other things that i wasnt paying attention to common sense during the play. grrr. now my eyes feel like they have cloreene in them. and i'm sumwhat calmed...but i'm still not happy. i still aint smiling...not even seein and talkin to ppl today could make me smile.
grrrrrrr skewl's 2moro...i dont want it...only 4 days tho..then the play on friday...lucky me. i'm sick of it..i dont even kno y i joined it in the first place anymore. well, bye
today at the rehersal...i was feeling soooo crappy...and it started in the youth room...wen i snapped at sum ppl b.c they was arguing about something so stoopid and wouldnt listen to me and i wanted to straighten it out...but i couldnt cuz i was getting so frustrated cuz they was playin the blame game and it was annoying the heck outa me. grr. and then durin the rehersal...i was so00o0o0o0o0o exhausted and frustrated and everything. I could not even fake a smile today for the rehresal...i tried sooooo hard...but i couldnt...my eyes wouldnt let me lie. so i was like frowning the whole tym. i felt like i screwed up everything in the musical..i was thinking too much about other things that i wasnt paying attention to common sense during the play. grrr. now my eyes feel like they have cloreene in them. and i'm sumwhat calmed...but i'm still not happy. i still aint smiling...not even seein and talkin to ppl today could make me smile.
grrrrrrr skewl's 2moro...i dont want it...only 4 days tho..then the play on friday...lucky me. i'm sick of it..i dont even kno y i joined it in the first place anymore. well, bye