(no subject)
There's this joke where a guy goes into a doctor's office and says 'It hurts when I do this' so the doctor says 'stop doing that'. This is how I'm going to try to operate from now on. It's been working out for me for these last few months. For instance, it bothers me to read my ex's online journal. I'm not sure exactly why, but it does. So I...don't do it. She doesn't get why, and I'm not inclined to try to explain it to her, but there it is. And if I'm talking to someone online and I'm feeling bothered or put off, or mildly insulted, then I can just say 'gotta run' and head off. No need for drama, just get out of the situation. And I won't read over old emails, or my old journals, no matter how tempting it might be. I'm not saying this is necessarily a *great* way to operate, but in the past I've specifically done things that are like poking a sore. It's like I can't resist. But then I snapped into the exact opposite sometime last year, and it's lovely.
Maybe sometime in the future I won't want to run away from emotional attachment, but there's no need for me to get into a situation where I'm going to get myself shredded. I'm tolerably happy with my life now, and my classes and friends are taking up a pleasant amount of my time. I feel like I'm in transition right now, which I probably should've done a few years ago, but I spent those years doing other things. The entire trajectory of my life is not precisely what I'd have imagined for myself, but I'm doing alright.
Maybe sometime in the future I won't want to run away from emotional attachment, but there's no need for me to get into a situation where I'm going to get myself shredded. I'm tolerably happy with my life now, and my classes and friends are taking up a pleasant amount of my time. I feel like I'm in transition right now, which I probably should've done a few years ago, but I spent those years doing other things. The entire trajectory of my life is not precisely what I'd have imagined for myself, but I'm doing alright.