Another 2 weeks and I would have gone 4 months without updating on this.
So my friend told me that Georgia Rule had something about mormons in it and so I decided to watch it and it does have a subplot about a mormon missionary and it hit a little too close to home and thats all im gonna say about that.
I started college and im actually really excited about it mostly because im going to prove to myself that I can infact actually get A's and accomplish something. Also im using college to learn to get over fear and all that other stuff that pretty much crippled me in highschool.
On the matter of religion how can I put all that I feel about this?
I have a really hard time writing on this because I dont really know how to explain how I feel and why I feel that way. I have a hard time really typing anything I guess im more of a vocal person than putting my feelings down on paper, they always look so stupid and foreign when I read them. Maybe cause they are stupid but they are important to me and I figure they're not really important to anyone else so I just keep it all to myself.
So it finally happened I knew it was going to, and I hoped it wouldn't but drama finally happened at my work that happy place finally crumbled. Nothing good last forever and im glad it lasted as long as it did. And thats why i want to leave I dont want to mar that memory with following bad events which Im sure will happen. But I guess it could be worse not much worse but it could be. I really think that the next step in my life should be a mission however I have serious trouble living the standards I know and believe and trust the doctrine and because of experiances that I have had I know it is the truth but I still can't seem to quite accept all the things I need to do. I tried I really did I put all my efforts into it and still failed utterly and completely failed. But I can never/will never turn my back to the beliefs I know hold but clearly I cant abandon the party lifestyle completely either. It's my choice and im glad it is but I make stupid choices.
But if God wants me to go on a mission then ill go on a mission simple as that.
And that's where my life stands right now .
I started college and im actually really excited about it mostly because im going to prove to myself that I can infact actually get A's and accomplish something. Also im using college to learn to get over fear and all that other stuff that pretty much crippled me in highschool.
On the matter of religion how can I put all that I feel about this?
I have a really hard time writing on this because I dont really know how to explain how I feel and why I feel that way. I have a hard time really typing anything I guess im more of a vocal person than putting my feelings down on paper, they always look so stupid and foreign when I read them. Maybe cause they are stupid but they are important to me and I figure they're not really important to anyone else so I just keep it all to myself.
So it finally happened I knew it was going to, and I hoped it wouldn't but drama finally happened at my work that happy place finally crumbled. Nothing good last forever and im glad it lasted as long as it did. And thats why i want to leave I dont want to mar that memory with following bad events which Im sure will happen. But I guess it could be worse not much worse but it could be. I really think that the next step in my life should be a mission however I have serious trouble living the standards I know and believe and trust the doctrine and because of experiances that I have had I know it is the truth but I still can't seem to quite accept all the things I need to do. I tried I really did I put all my efforts into it and still failed utterly and completely failed. But I can never/will never turn my back to the beliefs I know hold but clearly I cant abandon the party lifestyle completely either. It's my choice and im glad it is but I make stupid choices.
But if God wants me to go on a mission then ill go on a mission simple as that.
And that's where my life stands right now .