(no subject)

[linkingrl63]

I need to wake up and realize I'm not as happy as I seem or make people think. I think I'm falling back into my depression which really fucking sucks. Only this time it didn't come in the winter like it normally does, it comes in spring. Maybe I'm not and I'm just having a rocky time but then it's a really fucking rocky time. I don't have many friends in my school, none that I can trust. I only hang out with 2 people outside of school and even then sometimes i just wanna come home and hop onto the computer to talk to people that seem to care. I'm happy being alone but at the same time I get so jealous over things. Like when people have their best friends and know they can talk to them. I don't know who those people are sometimes. I know I have Caitie and Britt and my fam but at the same time I feel outcasted by them. I don't know why that it is but I do. I don't talk to many of them anymore besides Caitie and Britt. I love them all but I feel like I'm bugging them and that I just piss them off. I want someone to love me and be able for me to open up too and I just can't do it. I push away people that get too close because I'm afraid their going hurt me. I've been too hurt in the past and I can't deal with it anymore. Don't get me wrong I do have some really fucking close friends that I talk to them but I'm still scared.

Whatever I'm done with this entry. It's really pathetic but was a good rant and I'll probably wake up in the morning and laugh. Not like anyone reads this so who cares