Im just another number on the list...
To: Neeper
Date: Dec 27, 2005 10:49 AM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Yes
Body: Well you know Im glad you are happy with your decisions. Wether or not they were right, I dont know. Honestly, Im not sure I wanna know. I just feel somewhat lead on, thats all. Nothing big, nothing heart breaking. Its blatant that all you really wanted was to be friends. I'm ok with it. I disapprove of what I did. I opened up...too much, and went into it too quickly. It's my fault. I know better next time. Trial and error, the only perfect way to learn from your mistakes. Yeah, it hurts having you hangout with my family. My family means the world to me, and I dont let people in often. Knowing you spend time with me and them breaks my neck. I feel stupid for allowing you to. I guess thats why Im being a bitch and taking it the wrong way. Im livid with myself. I knew better, I didnt use my head. Im going to be open with you.(Not like I never wasnt)Anywho. A part of me wants to say I dont think we will ever hangout again. For the plain fact you are ALWAYS busy, you live on the other side of town, and even tho you bowl, I never really see you. The other part of me just wants to freaking accept everything and get over myself. Which I will be doing by the way. I wouldn't mind being friends with you. You are a wondeful guy, yeah it will suck knowing all we'll ever be is friends but you know I have to look past that. I would rather have you in my life as a friend than nothing at all. You have taught me a lesson. I care about you greatly, so I can settle for friends. Then I think to myself, well you are like a lot of other guys, and every guy says the same thing. 'We can be friends.' I wonder the validity of that statement. I wonder if you are saying that just because. Or you don't want to end on a bad note. Even burn the bridge with me. If you are going to say that to me I hope you mean it. Because when I told you all of the above I mean/t it. I would love to be like your best friend. Someone you could talk to about everything. Hangout with all the time. Its not up to me tho. Its up to you. Its your choice on what you want to do. Actually be friends[hopefully close] or just be nothing and leave it as if nothing ever happend.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Neeper
Date: Dec 27, 2005 10:26 AM
Tara and I are good friends, like I said before she is pretty much the first friend that I made when I moved to Orlando. maybe it did, maybe not. I'm not sure, but I do not regret any decisions that I made, I had a great time hanging out with you and your family, and we can still hang out ya know, its not like were never gonna see each other again. Have a great new years, and Ill talk to you later :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: |< a y | e e /../
Date: Dec 27, 2005 11:07 AM
I just felt so stupid...
so oblivious. I really liked you.
I keep beating myself up for letting go to you, for opening up to you, for letting it get like this.
I actually cared about you. I held you in such high standings. You transcended every guy I've ever met. You were more than a nuance to me. You languished me in a good way. In my eyes I saw you to be luminous. Everytime I thought of you I became ecstatic, I couldn't keep poised. Even when you kissed me I'd just giggle like a school girl. I was always delighted to you see. I was definitely in high spirits. I thought you were jovial being with me. I was unconscious, unaware, that I wasn't what you wanted. Maybe I was just so poignant about you that I was too selfish, egotistic, and insensitive to how you felt about me and that you weren't happy. I wonder to myself wether you seeing Tara meddled with your feelings or not. Ever since you saw her it was as if our relationship was over. Just the breakup was deferred.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Neeper
Date: Dec 26, 2005 11:06 PM
Yes, I meant everything that I said, everything I ever told you, and you did mean a thing to me.
You are beautiful in my eyes!!!
Lets try not to ruin a good friendship :)
Date: Dec 27, 2005 10:49 AM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Yes
Body: Well you know Im glad you are happy with your decisions. Wether or not they were right, I dont know. Honestly, Im not sure I wanna know. I just feel somewhat lead on, thats all. Nothing big, nothing heart breaking. Its blatant that all you really wanted was to be friends. I'm ok with it. I disapprove of what I did. I opened up...too much, and went into it too quickly. It's my fault. I know better next time. Trial and error, the only perfect way to learn from your mistakes. Yeah, it hurts having you hangout with my family. My family means the world to me, and I dont let people in often. Knowing you spend time with me and them breaks my neck. I feel stupid for allowing you to. I guess thats why Im being a bitch and taking it the wrong way. Im livid with myself. I knew better, I didnt use my head. Im going to be open with you.(Not like I never wasnt)Anywho. A part of me wants to say I dont think we will ever hangout again. For the plain fact you are ALWAYS busy, you live on the other side of town, and even tho you bowl, I never really see you. The other part of me just wants to freaking accept everything and get over myself. Which I will be doing by the way. I wouldn't mind being friends with you. You are a wondeful guy, yeah it will suck knowing all we'll ever be is friends but you know I have to look past that. I would rather have you in my life as a friend than nothing at all. You have taught me a lesson. I care about you greatly, so I can settle for friends. Then I think to myself, well you are like a lot of other guys, and every guy says the same thing. 'We can be friends.' I wonder the validity of that statement. I wonder if you are saying that just because. Or you don't want to end on a bad note. Even burn the bridge with me. If you are going to say that to me I hope you mean it. Because when I told you all of the above I mean/t it. I would love to be like your best friend. Someone you could talk to about everything. Hangout with all the time. Its not up to me tho. Its up to you. Its your choice on what you want to do. Actually be friends[hopefully close] or just be nothing and leave it as if nothing ever happend.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Neeper
Date: Dec 27, 2005 10:26 AM
Tara and I are good friends, like I said before she is pretty much the first friend that I made when I moved to Orlando. maybe it did, maybe not. I'm not sure, but I do not regret any decisions that I made, I had a great time hanging out with you and your family, and we can still hang out ya know, its not like were never gonna see each other again. Have a great new years, and Ill talk to you later :)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: |< a y | e e /../
Date: Dec 27, 2005 11:07 AM
I just felt so stupid...
so oblivious. I really liked you.
I keep beating myself up for letting go to you, for opening up to you, for letting it get like this.
I actually cared about you. I held you in such high standings. You transcended every guy I've ever met. You were more than a nuance to me. You languished me in a good way. In my eyes I saw you to be luminous. Everytime I thought of you I became ecstatic, I couldn't keep poised. Even when you kissed me I'd just giggle like a school girl. I was always delighted to you see. I was definitely in high spirits. I thought you were jovial being with me. I was unconscious, unaware, that I wasn't what you wanted. Maybe I was just so poignant about you that I was too selfish, egotistic, and insensitive to how you felt about me and that you weren't happy. I wonder to myself wether you seeing Tara meddled with your feelings or not. Ever since you saw her it was as if our relationship was over. Just the breakup was deferred.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Neeper
Date: Dec 26, 2005 11:06 PM
Yes, I meant everything that I said, everything I ever told you, and you did mean a thing to me.
You are beautiful in my eyes!!!
Lets try not to ruin a good friendship :)