On the 'Morrow

Mar 02, 2010 18:35

After much waiting and some missed connections while trying to plan a schedule, I finally have a rough idea of when I'll be going to the family's home to teach the boys. Tomorrow will be my first visit. The excitement I felt before has been more or less completely replaced by nervousness.

Less than a week ago, Sistine stopped by the school I work at to have a meeting with the teachers I work with, whom we'll call Christine and Gizelle. This was Sistine's second meeting with Christine in a few days. At the first meeting, Sistine had gone over some in-class observation notes with Christine, and as I happened to be helping out in Christine's room at the time of the observation, Sistine made some notes about me, as well. The expectations for ed. techs. are really pretty low, but I must have handled a situation well when Sistine was observing me, because she mentioned to Christine that I was one of the smarter ed. techs. she had hired; which made me feel pretty good. It's always great to hear something like that from your boss. The downside of that was that at the second meeting, Sistine dropped off the materials I'll be using to teach the boys and gave me no tips, pointers, advice, or general help. She said simply "Here are the materials you'll need. I have the utmost confidence that you'll be able to figure this out."

I'm flattered that she has a high opinion of my intellect, but I'm not sure that Sistine realizes how nervous I am about this responsibility. Luckily there will be a translator available for at least 15 minutes tomorrow, so I can introduce myself and explain to the boys what I hope to accomplish. I'm also thinking about letting them know that this is my first time teaching non-English speakers.

The simplest-looking material in the box is a set of 26 cards, one for each letter of the alphabet and a picture of something that begins with that letter (an apple, for example, with "A a" beneath it). I figured that I would start with these cards to establish the sounds the letters make, then I thought it would be best to point to things in their home and name them, having the boys repeat what I say. I figured it would also be helpful to write out the names for items we identify and tape these labels to the items, then leave the labels up after I leave for the boys to practice.

I have a feeling that this will all be much easier and make much more sense after I've had my first session with the boys tomorrow, but for now I'm having trouble remembering to think positive. What if I take the wrong track? What if I fail to teach these boys any English? What if I do such a terrible job that I get fired from my ed. tech. job? I'm also nervous about the neighborhood. What if I get mugged walking to the apartment? (given the location, this fear is not completely unfounded).

Maybe I'm being stupid. I know that this is an awesome opportunity...I'm just really nervous. I feel like I have a lot of people to let down here: the boys and Sistine are big ones, but I'm mostly worried about letting myself down. What if I'm not actually good enough to navigate this situation successfully? What if I end up an ed. tech. (or worse) for the rest of my life?

I suppose that tests and challenges like this are necessary to show us what we are capable of and to help us to grow. Is it wrong of me to wish I didn't have to face these tests and challenges in favor of comfortable stasis?
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