Public library shorts
The patrons I'm going to tell you about are not assholes. They are just... not terribly bright.
Scene 1: Dude brings books up to the checkout desk, presumably to check them out. Says nothing.
Me: Do you have your library card with you?
Dude: I don't have a card.
Me: *assumes that he got an account when he was a kid and was never issued a card, or he lost it or left it at home. This is not uncommon.*
Me: Do you have an ID?
Dude: *hands over driver license*
Me: *typing in his name* It looks like you're not in our system anymore. Has it been a while since you've been here?
Dude: I've never had a card here.
Well, when the hell were you going to TELL me? What kind of moron goes to the checkout of a library for which he's never had an account and doesn't mention it? I want those two minutes of my life back.
And... I think maybe you've heard this one before, but it happened AGAIN tonight. Same girl.
Scene 2: I'm on the renewals phone. The phone rings, I pick up
Me: Hell House Public Library, how can I help you?
Girl: I had a hold.
Me: Okay...? *awaits question*
Girl: ...
Me: ...
Me: Did you have a question about it?
Girl: I wanted to know if it's in.
Me: Do you have your library card number?
Girl: No.
Me: What's your name?
*insert identity verification here*
Me: Yes, you have one thing ready to pick up.
Girl: OK.
Me: ... *awaiting "thanks, goodbye" or some variation*
Girl: ...
Me: ... *hears TV in background*
Me: *eyeroll, teeth grit* Is there anything else I can do for you?
Girl: I want to place a hold.
Me: Sure, let me transfer you to reference. Hold on just a moment. *transfers*
What the HELL? YOU called, YOU say something. I know this chick's voice. Next time she calls and says, "I have a hold," I'm going to say, "Okay," and just... wait...
Scene 1: Dude brings books up to the checkout desk, presumably to check them out. Says nothing.
Me: Do you have your library card with you?
Dude: I don't have a card.
Me: *assumes that he got an account when he was a kid and was never issued a card, or he lost it or left it at home. This is not uncommon.*
Me: Do you have an ID?
Dude: *hands over driver license*
Me: *typing in his name* It looks like you're not in our system anymore. Has it been a while since you've been here?
Dude: I've never had a card here.
Well, when the hell were you going to TELL me? What kind of moron goes to the checkout of a library for which he's never had an account and doesn't mention it? I want those two minutes of my life back.
And... I think maybe you've heard this one before, but it happened AGAIN tonight. Same girl.
Scene 2: I'm on the renewals phone. The phone rings, I pick up
Me: Hell House Public Library, how can I help you?
Girl: I had a hold.
Me: Okay...? *awaits question*
Girl: ...
Me: ...
Me: Did you have a question about it?
Girl: I wanted to know if it's in.
Me: Do you have your library card number?
Girl: No.
Me: What's your name?
*insert identity verification here*
Me: Yes, you have one thing ready to pick up.
Girl: OK.
Me: ... *awaiting "thanks, goodbye" or some variation*
Girl: ...
Me: ... *hears TV in background*
Me: *eyeroll, teeth grit* Is there anything else I can do for you?
Girl: I want to place a hold.
Me: Sure, let me transfer you to reference. Hold on just a moment. *transfers*
What the HELL? YOU called, YOU say something. I know this chick's voice. Next time she calls and says, "I have a hold," I'm going to say, "Okay," and just... wait...