Super Junior - { bandfic - Because Everyone Wants a Mini Super Junior Member in their Pockets - 2/3}
title: Super Junior - { bandfic - Because Everyone Wants a Mini Super Junior Member in their Pockets - 2/3}
rating: PG-13
words: 2,383
part 1
2/3
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an KANGIN! In order to expect the top performance from your mini KANGIN unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s number one handsome man to his full potential! The KANGIN unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All KANGIN units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard KANGIN unit will be wearing a baseball cap of some random baseball team, jeans and a faded tshirt, courtesy of Heechul and his blessed closet. KANGIN units occasionally come with their own raccoon suits and if you’re one of the lucky ones, you might also receive a beer bottle. ( contains no alcohol, only for decoration purposes ).
Operating
The KANGIN unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
The KANGIN unit possesses many talents and can be used in many capacities at home, or anywhere really.
Need money? Get KANGIN to bully someone into giving you some! Someone knock down your books? What about that kid that picks his nose in the corner? Ask KANGIN to give them a little talk. And that dude that sneers at you for no reason? Get KANGIN to pants him.
Didn’t get much sleep last night? Never fear, KANGIN is here! Just have KANGIN to sleep in front of your door, or better yet in your room . He’ll offer you the best protection service from your alarm or your mother, banging down the door with a spatula. KANGIN here is pretty cranky if he doesn’t get enough sleep. Just tell your family members that unless they want to see a blood bath in the morning, don’t wake either of you up
Compatibility with other Units
You will find that KANGIN is mostly compatible with of the SUPER JUNIOR units, although he is little awkward with the SUNGMIN unit since he is a manly man and SUNGMIN is too feminine for him. This relationship seems to be getting better although he likes ROUGH HOUSE with most of the other units.
The KANGIN unit is very compatible with the EETEUK unit as they are most often in MARRIED COUPLE mode.
KANGIN is also sometimes edgy with the SHINDONG unit because when SHINDONG slims down a little, KANGIN gets put in the spot light for his weight.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The KANGIN unit should not be exposed to alcohol, cute/fluffy things ( he secretly loves them but it would tarnish his reputation as a manly man), EETEUK when he is ANGRY, sleepless nights, douches who picks nonsense fights at bars, and the military.
Cleaning
KANGIN units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water
FAQ:
Q: My KANGIN unit is constantly raiding my medicine cabinet for cough drops. Is this something I should be worried about?
A: You should not be worried about your KANGIN unit’s health - most likely he has been popping cough drops to hide the smell of alcohol in his breath. Lock your liquor cabinet immediately and if all else fails, call your nearest rehab clinic.
Q: KANGIN keeps searching out EUNHYUK to repeatedly spank him, calling him a ‘ bad boy ‘.
A: This is a normal behavior of KANGIN but if he continues calling EUNHYUK a bad boy, it might be time to call our hotline and ask for internal wiring technical services. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Final Note
Given the nature of the KANGIN model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 40 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an SHINDONG! In order to expect the top performance from your mini SHINDONG unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s teddy bear! The SHINDONG unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All SHINDONG units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard SHINDONG unit will be wearing a colorful hoodie, jeans and adidas slippers. He might also be accompanied with a taco. Yes. Just a taco because other foods are over our company’s budget.
Operating
The SHINDONG unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
The SHINDONG unit possesses many talents and can be used in many capacities at home, or anywhere really.
Want to propose? Ask SHINDONG for tips on how not to go overboard with this very special event in your life. He will make sure you do it just so , at the right minute. Start planning your wedding!
You need to buy something, say a handphone but you don’t have money? Shindong will give you a lesson how to find easy odd jobs that pay some money. Work hard with your blood and sweat!
Want to have a good or build a better bond with your colleagues? SHINDONG will show you how to take a shower in 27 seconds or less!
Compatibility with other units
SHINDONG gets along well with most of the SUPER JUNIOR units. He is extremely compatible with the SUNGMIN unit as they are best friends, the same age and have common hobbies.
SHINDONG and the DONGHAE unit are a little AWKWARD but this will not limit the DONGHAE unit to borrow SHINDONG’s clothes - not to wear but to use as a blanket.
SHINDONG and EETEUK also share a BROHOES relationship. How else would you explain taking pictures of your ‘hyung’ sleeping while you yourself is making puffy puckering lips in the picture?
Other Warnings/Precautions
The SHINDONG unit should not be exposed to food, programs where he can run off his mouth, more food and a trainer.
Cleaning
SHINDONG units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water. However, sometimes he may refuse to shower - unless he is certain he can do it in less than 27 seconds. In that case, just spray him with some ax.
FAQ
Q: My SHINDONG unit is repeatedly making obscene comments about females. I am very disappointed. How do I fix this?
A: It seems that your SHINDONG’s unit’s switch is jammed into OBNOXIUS mode. Just pull it back down and duct tape it. That should fix your problem.
Q: I’m beginning to notice food missing from my refrigerator and that because of the diet, SHINDONG’s weight has been INCREASING and not decreasing like it should. Am I doing something wrong?
A: Buy a padlock for your fridge to stop your SHINDONG unit from raiding it at night.
Final Note
Given the nature of the SHINDONG model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 55 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an SUNGMIN! In order to expect the top performance from your mini SUNGMIN unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s aegyo king to his full potential! The SUNGMIN unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All SUNGMIN units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard SUNGMIN unit should be wearing a checkered blue and white button up shirt, slacks and loafers. Oh and a polka dotted bow tie. SUNGMIN units generally come with a guitar, sunglasses and a stuffed pink rabbit.
Operating
The SUNGMIN unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
Do you want be a child for a day? SUNGMIN can do it with you ! Although born in 1986, this guy sometimes acts like he was born in 2006 and frequently displays cuteness that come without warning.
Need to fix your wardrobe with brighter colors ? SUNGMIN is definitely the right choice…if you want your closet filled with pink.
Had rough day? SUNGMIN will gladly give you a massage! He has taken classes in this…art and make sure your muscles feel relaxed and comfortable.
Want a worthy martial arts opponent? SUNGMIN would be the one to ask! If you’re a novice, you’ll have a great teacher and an excellent time. If you’re experienced, SUNGMIN won’t be easy! Occasionally HANKYUNG might accompany along.
Compatibility with other Units
SUNGMIN is especially compatible with the KYUHYUN unit. They frequently act like FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS and other times, ONE NIGHT STAND PARTNERS. This is a very confusing couple. However they are very affectionate and are good friends.
SUNGMIN is also compatible with the EUNHYUK unit. They’ve been friends since before SUPER JUNIOR units so this isn’t a surprise. SUNGMIN and EUNHYUK units frequently sleep and shower together.
SUNGMIN is BEST FRIENDS with the SHINDONG unit.
As of LATELY, SUNGMIN is also compatible with units ZHOU MI, HENRY, and RYEOWOOK. This could be temporary of course but then again, this is just some persons secondary list of OT pairings.
SUNGMIN is not compatible with the HEECHUL unit when he is DRUNK because this will cause HEECHUL to SLAP him across the face, as will most people.
SUNGMIN is also compatible with the HANKYUNG unit when he wants the phone number of a certain female celebrity, which is also when SUNGMIN likes to go into AEGYO and MASSAGING modes.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The SUNGMIN unit should not be exposed to pink, alcohol, places where he can’t get iron supplements, the EETEUK unit when he decides to DRIVE, a jealous ZHOU MI unit, an ANGRY Heechul unit, and a KYUHYUN unit in GAMER mode.
Cleaning
SUNGMIN units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water. However, EUNHYUK may allowed to be washed with the SUNGMIN unit as they shower together quite frequently anyways.
FAQ:
Q: My SUNGMIN unit has been acting like a 5 year old daddy’s princess all week. This is really annoying. I mean, he is a 25 year old man!
A: It would appear that your SUNGMIN unit is stuck in AEGYO mode. There is nothing wrong with your SUNGMIN unit - it could just be a sign or affection ( or so it appears ). This is one of the many unique traits that the SUNGMIN unit possesses so if you think this is annoying there are plenty of women/fangirls who are all too happy to take SUNGMIN off your hands.
Q: I made pumpkin pie for desert last week and ever since then SUNGMIN has been utterly enthusiastic to the point that he sits at the dinner table on call with utensils in each hand a nap. Um…
A: This is completely normal as SUNGMIN has a natural affinity towards pumpkins. Feed him up!!
Final Note
Given the nature of the SUNGMIN model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 60 years.
-Congratulations!-
You are now the proud owner of an EUNHYUK! In order to expect the top performance from your mini EUNHYUK unit, please read the following rules on how to proceed. The details in this manual will allow you to use Super Junior’s Dance Machine to his full potential! The EUNHYUK unit should arrive fully assembled with all accessories.
Accessories
All EUNHYUK units should be shipped out in bubble wrapped packages or plastic cases within cardboard boxes, or a wooden crate. This should reflect what you selected when ordering. The standard EUNHYUK unit will be wearing a New Era cap, a tshirt and jeans.
Operating
The EUNHYUK unit has been designed to be user friendly (aka, for dummies and fanatical…fangirls ). Controls are voice activated and also a switch located on the back of the unit.
Uses
If you’re an amateur dancer, EUNHYUK would be the best coach to find! You’ll learn everything from popping to pelvic thrusts with an instructors who looks good at what he does!
Snail collector- EUNHYUK used to collect snails. If you want to know what breed or gender your snail is, ask EUNHYUK. But chances are he probably won’t know and you’ll just both end up oogling at each other and ignoring your snails.
EUNHYUK also enjoys fishing. ;]
Compatibility with other Units
EUNHYUK is has the strongest compatibility with DONGHAE and SUNGMIN units. In any mode, the EUNHYUK and DONGHAE units are generally compatible, sharing a MARRIED COUPLE and BROHOES affection. When EUNHYUK is not in FISHING mode, his compatibility with SUNGMIN increases.
Ironically, EUNHYUK’s compatibility with the other models increase when he is in AWKWARD MONKEY mode.
Other Warnings/Precautions
The EUNHYUK unit should not be exposed to KYUHYUN in EVIL/GAMING mode, food, porn, places where he can’t fish, cramped places where he can’t dance and horrible stylists.
Cleaning
EUNHYUK units should be cleaned weekly with warm soap and water. Note: See Cleaning : Sungmin.
FAQ:
Q: My EUNHYUK unit keeps spouting information about girl’s from his past and brags about all the dates he’s taken them on. ;____;
A: Contrary to popular of EUNHYUK’s image as a player, he is most likely anything but. Ignore him and just keep him happy and shower him with tender care and love. :DD
Q: My internet bill has increased by at least a hundred dollars lately and my EUNHYUK unit is always on the computer lately. What should I do??
A: Our apologies. Your EUNHYUK unit seems to be downloading yadong, or porn in massive quantities. Just put in him front of your DDR machine or a find a DONGHAE unit for him to paly with ;)
Final Note
Given the nature of the EUNHYUK model, he does not come with a lifetime guarantee sadly, with proper maintenance, this model should last you around 60 years.