the road i'm on
So Bob Langer just won the MIllenium Technology Prize. Normally I would be just like "cool," but whenever I hear any news of Bob Langer I cringe just a little. Why? Because I was *this* close to working in Langer lab, but administrative stuff got in the way. And every time I hear the words Bob Langer I think of all the mistakes that I made in my life getting to this point. Am I happy on this path, where I'm headed? Not sure.
I just wish that someone would have told me everything that I know now when I was a freshman. Start getting a UROP early, get into something and do it full out and love it. Maybe if I would have worked someplace like Langer lab from the very first year, then I could've loved biology and loved what I was doing. I think that thing that turned me off was the fact that I just got so frustrated with working conditions and lack of positive results. Or if someone would have told me to try different things and dig deeper, maybe I would have left biology alone and honed in my focus on CS and be making a lot of money now like my classmates who were all good at programming. Instead I basically flailed around for four years and now I feel like I'm just running out of time. The longer I don't know things, the bigger of a loser I seem, and the more embarrassed I am to ask.
I looked at the emails from when I was still looking for an MEng project, and even though its been over a year, it's still crushing every time. I could feel my anxiety and disappointment in every one of those emails, it was like I was reading them for the first time. I mean, I know we should have the skills to go find those things ourselves, but I think that there should be a better system for getting everyone where they need to be, for those of us who just weren't good at it.
I guess I just got unlucky, I never ended up in the kind of environment that I needed to be in. Maybe I should've been more insistent when I was looking for a project, been more enthusiastic, I don't know. I sometimes just get into these ruts where I get depressed about everything that I've done and wish wish wish to go back in time and change it all. I needed better mentorship, I just didn't know. Now I'm in a bad mood, and I need something to pick me back up again, to feel good about what I'm doing, to feel like my future is brighter and I know where I'm heading, and somehow all the pieces will fit back together like a puzzle someday.
I just wish that someone would have told me everything that I know now when I was a freshman. Start getting a UROP early, get into something and do it full out and love it. Maybe if I would have worked someplace like Langer lab from the very first year, then I could've loved biology and loved what I was doing. I think that thing that turned me off was the fact that I just got so frustrated with working conditions and lack of positive results. Or if someone would have told me to try different things and dig deeper, maybe I would have left biology alone and honed in my focus on CS and be making a lot of money now like my classmates who were all good at programming. Instead I basically flailed around for four years and now I feel like I'm just running out of time. The longer I don't know things, the bigger of a loser I seem, and the more embarrassed I am to ask.
I looked at the emails from when I was still looking for an MEng project, and even though its been over a year, it's still crushing every time. I could feel my anxiety and disappointment in every one of those emails, it was like I was reading them for the first time. I mean, I know we should have the skills to go find those things ourselves, but I think that there should be a better system for getting everyone where they need to be, for those of us who just weren't good at it.
I guess I just got unlucky, I never ended up in the kind of environment that I needed to be in. Maybe I should've been more insistent when I was looking for a project, been more enthusiastic, I don't know. I sometimes just get into these ruts where I get depressed about everything that I've done and wish wish wish to go back in time and change it all. I needed better mentorship, I just didn't know. Now I'm in a bad mood, and I need something to pick me back up again, to feel good about what I'm doing, to feel like my future is brighter and I know where I'm heading, and somehow all the pieces will fit back together like a puzzle someday.