we can't find the directions, but we still drive

Oct 25, 2004 20:08

Yesterday we played at the Pound for a battle of the bands, and we tied for 1st with this other band. We were the only... not punk band there, and it was a bit uncomfortable but i still had a good time, we played last which was like at 10:45 so i was pretty tired, and it sucked having to wait around for so long to play. While we were waiting, i realized something, I think I still might love that girl, because thats the only "reasonable" explenation to why I feel so betrayed and why I've hated her, even though that doesn't make sence, and you're prolly right, who ever is thinking, "you cant honestly love someone and hate them at the same time". But its not exactly.... well.. its different... i love what i took her for when we were together, what i thought she was, and i love what i THOUGHT we had together, and its sad that that sort of thing has probably never existed before, and probably never will and what makes it worse, is that it isn't impossible to obtain that kind of feeling... well i don't really believe that it is a feeling anymore... love is more than an emotion, or feeling, love is a will, but the fact that it isnt impossible to have that, and that i dont believe it can really be mutual and true between anyone is sickening. And yea, i know it doesn't matter how i feel about her, this is probably just one of the ways human nature screws with us. Its kinda funny, i mean.. i'm pretty sure she likes some of my friends (yes, in that sort of way, and yea she prolly did while we were together) by the way she acts around certain ones, but if i understand the difference between where my brain is going, and where my emotions are going maybe i can forget about this in some sort of beneficial way... or not... i duno... i have to love her ecause thats the only reasonable explenation why I can't forget about all that BS that happened, no matter how hard I try... dude lol, i just suck at... life.
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