I'm a mess right now.
Yeah, I'm in that, "Gah I hate my life right now and nothing is going right and why am I feeling this way right now and fuck my life make this stop!" frame of mind. Don't you hate when you get like that? I sure as shit do.
So, I'm not sure what sparked this but I've been thinking about Richard again. Like, being with him. I know logistically it'd never happen, but... yeah. I'm missing him. It probably has everything to do with everyone around me dating and in happy relationships, you know? And Valentine's Day being last Saturday didn't help matters at all.
Now, don't misinterpret that, lol. I'm not saying that just because I'm miserable about my own love life, I also resent everyone that's happy with theirs and wish them the same misery as me, cause I don't. Based on histories, every person I'm referring to that's happy and in love right now deserves it more than anything else in the world. It's "I want what they have" not "I don't have it so they can't have it either"
And it's always the same way we reunite and get together too, at our mutual friend's house during a party of hers, since I can't always bank on him having to work when she has her parties, and I can't bank on her always "forgetting" to invite him (like she did with her Christmas party) just because I'll be there. I've accepted that there will be a time where we'll have to be in the same room together. What will happen when that time comes, I have no idea yet. Anyway. So, it starts there and always progresses. Always. Blah.
And it makes me wonder, is it him I want, or the relationship, and he's just who I envision since the closest thing I ever had to a relationship was with him? My mind hopes for the latter, and it probably is since I've also envisioned relationships with this guy from work or some random guy I make up for the daydream.
And do I wonder if he misses me? Of course I do. But do I check (I could Facebook stalk him if I wanted to, we share a network)? Hell no. I'm longing, I'm not psychotic. lol. Last time I went to his MySpace was, I think, months and months ago to show inkspottedtea what he looked like, and even then I grabbed the image URL and split.
AND ALSO! AND ALSO! My God damn period started today, which explains everything.
To finish this off, a meme. Tagged by goneplatinum.
Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then tag five people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.
1. Aeiouna the awesome iPod Touch. She's my baby.
2. Slushies, especially the ones we have where I work. Yum!
3. The Sims. :D
4. My chat rooms, and all my girls and guys in them. ILU all!
5. StumbleUpon. I get the most random shit from it.
6. TWITTER! :D It's saved my LJ from spam. Instead of 50 "Posted via TxtLJ" entries, you get one Twitter post.
7. Role playing. Living my dreams vicarously through fictional characters (or the personas of celebs. Your choice.)
8. My DS. And Animal Crossing.
9. Slash! :D
10. Sleep. I'm sure it's been said before, but c'mon. lol.
Tagging: dreaminginred16, i3ueatyfly, inkspottedtea, kingmike1224 aaaaaannnnnddddddd.... flirts
So, I'm not sure what sparked this but I've been thinking about Richard again. Like, being with him. I know logistically it'd never happen, but... yeah. I'm missing him. It probably has everything to do with everyone around me dating and in happy relationships, you know? And Valentine's Day being last Saturday didn't help matters at all.
Now, don't misinterpret that, lol. I'm not saying that just because I'm miserable about my own love life, I also resent everyone that's happy with theirs and wish them the same misery as me, cause I don't. Based on histories, every person I'm referring to that's happy and in love right now deserves it more than anything else in the world. It's "I want what they have" not "I don't have it so they can't have it either"
And it's always the same way we reunite and get together too, at our mutual friend's house during a party of hers, since I can't always bank on him having to work when she has her parties, and I can't bank on her always "forgetting" to invite him (like she did with her Christmas party) just because I'll be there. I've accepted that there will be a time where we'll have to be in the same room together. What will happen when that time comes, I have no idea yet. Anyway. So, it starts there and always progresses. Always. Blah.
And it makes me wonder, is it him I want, or the relationship, and he's just who I envision since the closest thing I ever had to a relationship was with him? My mind hopes for the latter, and it probably is since I've also envisioned relationships with this guy from work or some random guy I make up for the daydream.
And do I wonder if he misses me? Of course I do. But do I check (I could Facebook stalk him if I wanted to, we share a network)? Hell no. I'm longing, I'm not psychotic. lol. Last time I went to his MySpace was, I think, months and months ago to show inkspottedtea what he looked like, and even then I grabbed the image URL and split.
AND ALSO! AND ALSO! My God damn period started today, which explains everything.
To finish this off, a meme. Tagged by goneplatinum.
Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then tag five people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.
1. Aeiouna the awesome iPod Touch. She's my baby.
2. Slushies, especially the ones we have where I work. Yum!
3. The Sims. :D
4. My chat rooms, and all my girls and guys in them. ILU all!
5. StumbleUpon. I get the most random shit from it.
6. TWITTER! :D It's saved my LJ from spam. Instead of 50 "Posted via TxtLJ" entries, you get one Twitter post.
7. Role playing. Living my dreams vicarously through fictional characters (or the personas of celebs. Your choice.)
8. My DS. And Animal Crossing.
9. Slash! :D
10. Sleep. I'm sure it's been said before, but c'mon. lol.
Tagging: dreaminginred16, i3ueatyfly, inkspottedtea, kingmike1224 aaaaaannnnnddddddd.... flirts