Things I want to say, and things that need to be said.
I'm not a Backstreet Boys fan, I just play one on the Internet.
Okay, not really but let me explain: All of you, being on my friends list, know I have no qualms about expressing my love for my amazing, amazing Boys. Picspams and squee abound in this journal. We all know it.
Once I get into the real world (very close friends aside), however, I shy up. I'll mention "my celebrity crush" but I won't mention Nick's name. Ever. When pressed ("C'mon, who is it?"), I clam up: "No, no you'll just laugh at me."
"I promise you, I won't."
"Trust me, you will."
I don't know why. Maybe it's the "boy band" stigma they've got. No, I know it is, because I've heard it before. The Backstreet Boys were just supposed to be a "fad band" that, apparently, I was supposed to "get over" after the Black & Blue era. Apparently, I was never supposed to look past the superficial mass produced cheese that was their earlier albums and see the real, raw, talented men they are when that's all taken away. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to ever know Never Gone or Unbreakable came out, except after a random ONTD post followed with, "They're still around? Wow they really let themselves go. I remember when they were hot."
According to some people, that's what I was supposed to do. And not, like I actually do, be brought to tears when they sing a capella (try it once). Not sit at my computer with my jaw dropped at concert footage. Not sit here, tickets sitting beside my laptop, getting emotional when I hold them in my hands, counting down the days until I'm there, and I'm seeing them do that they were fucking born to do.
Yeah, that was never supposed to happen, according to some of the people I used to know.
And, probably, that's why I'm scared to go, "Fuck yeah I'm a Backstreet Boys fan. Fuck yeah I still think they're hot. What of it?" to new people.
Ugh, and that's not even half of what I needed to say.
I need a fucking boyfriend, and fast. OMG.
I went to my friend's place today, and we hung out for a couple hours. It was fun, and we discussed typical 20-something women stuff. Like boys. Like exes. And every conversation that I have with anyone about boys turns into me talking about Richard. Always. And this friend I was with is the one I trust the most when it comes to him, because she knows him even better than I do. Anyway. I said to her, "You know... for all intents and purposes, he and I were dating. Think about it. Who did he hang out with the most? Call first? Talk to the most?" and she admitted it was me. I rolled the facts off, like how he'd take me to dinner and pay for it, talk to me on the phone about everything until our ears were hurting. Really? Honestly? We were more than friends, he was just too much of a chickenshit to admit it.
And what's worse? I saw myself with him. I saw him as my husband. I told my friend, I may have been a hopeless romantic (because God knows I tend to be), but I really saw it. He wasn't perfect (no one is), but he was good enough. lol. But he was, and probably still is, an immature douchebag. He only physically left high school. He played with my emotions (as my friend put it, without knowing it would elicit a giggle out of me, he "played games with my heart" XD I ♥ her. And I did tell her, "Dam, now you've got me singing Backstreet!")
So, blah. Fucking blah.
15 days until the one night I don't have to think about work and boys and love and real life and just be 14 again for a few hours.
Okay, not really but let me explain: All of you, being on my friends list, know I have no qualms about expressing my love for my amazing, amazing Boys. Picspams and squee abound in this journal. We all know it.
Once I get into the real world (very close friends aside), however, I shy up. I'll mention "my celebrity crush" but I won't mention Nick's name. Ever. When pressed ("C'mon, who is it?"), I clam up: "No, no you'll just laugh at me."
"I promise you, I won't."
"Trust me, you will."
I don't know why. Maybe it's the "boy band" stigma they've got. No, I know it is, because I've heard it before. The Backstreet Boys were just supposed to be a "fad band" that, apparently, I was supposed to "get over" after the Black & Blue era. Apparently, I was never supposed to look past the superficial mass produced cheese that was their earlier albums and see the real, raw, talented men they are when that's all taken away. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to ever know Never Gone or Unbreakable came out, except after a random ONTD post followed with, "They're still around? Wow they really let themselves go. I remember when they were hot."
According to some people, that's what I was supposed to do. And not, like I actually do, be brought to tears when they sing a capella (try it once). Not sit at my computer with my jaw dropped at concert footage. Not sit here, tickets sitting beside my laptop, getting emotional when I hold them in my hands, counting down the days until I'm there, and I'm seeing them do that they were fucking born to do.
Yeah, that was never supposed to happen, according to some of the people I used to know.
And, probably, that's why I'm scared to go, "Fuck yeah I'm a Backstreet Boys fan. Fuck yeah I still think they're hot. What of it?" to new people.
Ugh, and that's not even half of what I needed to say.
I need a fucking boyfriend, and fast. OMG.
I went to my friend's place today, and we hung out for a couple hours. It was fun, and we discussed typical 20-something women stuff. Like boys. Like exes. And every conversation that I have with anyone about boys turns into me talking about Richard. Always. And this friend I was with is the one I trust the most when it comes to him, because she knows him even better than I do. Anyway. I said to her, "You know... for all intents and purposes, he and I were dating. Think about it. Who did he hang out with the most? Call first? Talk to the most?" and she admitted it was me. I rolled the facts off, like how he'd take me to dinner and pay for it, talk to me on the phone about everything until our ears were hurting. Really? Honestly? We were more than friends, he was just too much of a chickenshit to admit it.
And what's worse? I saw myself with him. I saw him as my husband. I told my friend, I may have been a hopeless romantic (because God knows I tend to be), but I really saw it. He wasn't perfect (no one is), but he was good enough. lol. But he was, and probably still is, an immature douchebag. He only physically left high school. He played with my emotions (as my friend put it, without knowing it would elicit a giggle out of me, he "played games with my heart" XD I ♥ her. And I did tell her, "Dam, now you've got me singing Backstreet!")
So, blah. Fucking blah.
15 days until the one night I don't have to think about work and boys and love and real life and just be 14 again for a few hours.