"Come home."
It feels like I've had this livejournal block going on in my mind. I always try to post, but nothing ever sounds right. Even now it's taking me five minutes just to write a few sentences. I don't know what my deal is, but I do know that I have so much going on in my head and in my heart that I just have to get it out--at least a little bit. This is not the whole story by any means.
Last night wasn't the greatest night. There were a lot of factors that I don't really want to go into, but I was left feeling uneasy, inadequate, and self-conscious.
But instead of handling it how I wanted to; instead of wallowing in my self pity I actually did something about it. So I fell asleep feeling not too much better, but at least like I wasn't alone. I set my sights on something higher--something better....
And today was a good day. It is a good day.
It was a typical day in cog sci: my beliefs were challenged, the material was over my head, and I had difficulty paying attention. Oh, today was slightly different: I got my paper back, and it was pretty much torn to shreds. I was a little, um, discouraged considering the fact that my grade in this class depends on 3 papers. No tests. I guess it's ok though--rewrites were required for everyone.
This class had the ability to ruin my day, but it didn't. Right after class I went to 12:20 for 20 (a prayer group that meets from 12:20-12:40 two days a week) and I just got to sit in a room with my friends and my Lord. And everything just...disappeared. Then I got to eat briefly with some friends and went on to class. I was able to think, and I got some good ideas for my upcoming paper, and I don't know why but I just left that class in a good mood.
Then, as I was walking back to my dorm I was struck with an incredible realization about God and the cross and just what it symbolizes.
And I was struck with this overwhelming feeling of love. My realization just took me back to the basic idea of my faith, and it was so comforting. For once I didn't have to think about the technicalities. I didn't have to think logically or provide reasons....I could just believe. I was simply wrapped up in love, and I had no desire to do anything else but sit there and soak it all up.
So, I get back to my dorm and see that I have a package. It's from my boy.
And now I have two boxes full of chocolate--one from my sister and one from Austin.
And no, it's not the chocolate that made me cry happy tears....it's the fact that I'm loved. I'm loved so deeply, whether I feel it every day or not. And the love isn't coming from my sister or my boyfriend or anybody else. The love they give me is simply a representation--a reminder--of the love that is unending. The love that is always there, day in and day out, no matter what I do.
What makes today good is that I asked, and I received.
Yesterday I felt unloved. lonely. inadequate.
And instead of keeping those feelings alive I looked to Something else.
And today I feel loved. surrounded. grateful.
Because I have everything I will ever need.
Thank you, Lord
Hallelujah
You’ve been so good to me
Thank you, Lord
Hallelujah
I’m grateful for my blessings
I’m grateful for my struggles
Trials and tribulations I’ve been through
I’ve realized no one can love like you do
Thank you, Lord
Hallelujah
I feel your presence near
Thank you, Lord
Hallelujah
I won’t hold back my tears
I gave you my trust and you took me out of the dark rain
My Lord I survived it
I give you the praise
Lord, you’ve been so good
Hallelujah
You’ve been so good to me
Hallelujah
I’m so grateful for my blessings
Hallelujah
Giving you all the praise
Hallelujah
Lord, you’ve been so good
Hallelujah
You’ve been so good to me
Hallelujah
I’m grateful for our love, my blessings
Hallelujah
Giving you all the praise
Hallelujah
Jesus loves me
Oh, yes he does
Jesus loves me
Oh, yes he does
Jesus loves me
Oh, yes he does
For the Bible tells me so
My Jesus loves me I know he does.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
Amen. Amen.
Last night wasn't the greatest night. There were a lot of factors that I don't really want to go into, but I was left feeling uneasy, inadequate, and self-conscious.
But instead of handling it how I wanted to; instead of wallowing in my self pity I actually did something about it. So I fell asleep feeling not too much better, but at least like I wasn't alone. I set my sights on something higher--something better....
And today was a good day. It is a good day.
It was a typical day in cog sci: my beliefs were challenged, the material was over my head, and I had difficulty paying attention. Oh, today was slightly different: I got my paper back, and it was pretty much torn to shreds. I was a little, um, discouraged considering the fact that my grade in this class depends on 3 papers. No tests. I guess it's ok though--rewrites were required for everyone.
This class had the ability to ruin my day, but it didn't. Right after class I went to 12:20 for 20 (a prayer group that meets from 12:20-12:40 two days a week) and I just got to sit in a room with my friends and my Lord. And everything just...disappeared. Then I got to eat briefly with some friends and went on to class. I was able to think, and I got some good ideas for my upcoming paper, and I don't know why but I just left that class in a good mood.
Then, as I was walking back to my dorm I was struck with an incredible realization about God and the cross and just what it symbolizes.
And I was struck with this overwhelming feeling of love. My realization just took me back to the basic idea of my faith, and it was so comforting. For once I didn't have to think about the technicalities. I didn't have to think logically or provide reasons....I could just believe. I was simply wrapped up in love, and I had no desire to do anything else but sit there and soak it all up.
So, I get back to my dorm and see that I have a package. It's from my boy.
And now I have two boxes full of chocolate--one from my sister and one from Austin.
And no, it's not the chocolate that made me cry happy tears....it's the fact that I'm loved. I'm loved so deeply, whether I feel it every day or not. And the love isn't coming from my sister or my boyfriend or anybody else. The love they give me is simply a representation--a reminder--of the love that is unending. The love that is always there, day in and day out, no matter what I do.
What makes today good is that I asked, and I received.
Yesterday I felt unloved. lonely. inadequate.
And instead of keeping those feelings alive I looked to Something else.
And today I feel loved. surrounded. grateful.
Because I have everything I will ever need.
Thank you, Lord
Hallelujah
You’ve been so good to me
Thank you, Lord
Hallelujah
I’m grateful for my blessings
I’m grateful for my struggles
Trials and tribulations I’ve been through
I’ve realized no one can love like you do
Thank you, Lord
Hallelujah
I feel your presence near
Thank you, Lord
Hallelujah
I won’t hold back my tears
I gave you my trust and you took me out of the dark rain
My Lord I survived it
I give you the praise
Lord, you’ve been so good
Hallelujah
You’ve been so good to me
Hallelujah
I’m so grateful for my blessings
Hallelujah
Giving you all the praise
Hallelujah
Lord, you’ve been so good
Hallelujah
You’ve been so good to me
Hallelujah
I’m grateful for our love, my blessings
Hallelujah
Giving you all the praise
Hallelujah
Jesus loves me
Oh, yes he does
Jesus loves me
Oh, yes he does
Jesus loves me
Oh, yes he does
For the Bible tells me so
My Jesus loves me I know he does.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
Amen. Amen.