Fic: Decepticons
[Ben and Ginny have left for vacation]
"This is only if you want." Amelia was helping Lindy move things around in Ben's room, not really to make space, but to make it different. Less Ben's. "Or when you want." Both girls had mixed feelings about the whole operation. "Okay?"
Lindy nodded. Amelia fidgeted.
"I like sharing with you."
Lindy gave her a small smile. Amelia bit her lip.
"Do you like sharing with me?"
Lindy nodded again.
"Okay." Amelia straightened and opened her hands. "How's that?"
It was still clearly Ben's room. But Lindy didn't mind. She thought, perhaps, she preferred it. In the Uranus complex she'd had her own suite, nearly as big as this whole apartment. In the Avengers compound she'd shared rooms with the leaders. She was considered a flight risk and a target, same as Ben and the girl she now remembered as his sister. Very little in this room reminded her of the man she knew there, but it was comforting to be in similar circumstances.
"Good," she answered.
"Good," Amelia echoed.
Lindy was still, watching. Amelia knew she was thinking of the other world. Her past.
"What was she like? Juliet?" Her voice was tentative but calm, and curious, nonjudgemental. Lindy considered.
"What's your name?"
The girl had appeared in the first months following the battle. Lindy's attempted escape that resulted in her mother's death, and probably her father's too. This girl and two others were introduced soon after. They'd tried to pass them off as the same but Lindy knew this one, Juliet, was alive the way the others weren't. She was most likely taken, like Lindy was herself. Lindy felt some kinship with her because of it, but not enough to risk herself by answering the question incorrectly.
"Ophelia."
The girl shook her head, tiny braids on the side of her head hit her cheeks as she did. She seemed very young, though they should be about the same age. "What's your real name?"
Lindy was silent.
"I won't tell, I promise." The girl offered Lindy her hand. Lindy was silent. And still.
"I'm May."
Lindy looked away and pretended not to hear. The girl -- Juliet -- May -- smiled that she'd finally gotten a reaction. She sat down next to Lindy and nodded at the other girls across the room.
"You're not like them." They were empty automatons. "The autobots." May called them this after her brother's toys, it was a way to stay connected to him, and their father whose toys they'd been originally. She grinned at Lindy and it made her look even younger. May didn't know she was echoing Lindy's own thoughts and Lindy didn't find it comforting. She found it frightening. Her face tightened but May didn't notice; she grasped Lindy's hand tightly.
"You're a decipticon like me."
Lindy blinked. "She was... my friend."
Amelia's face lit up with a smile.
Lindy slept in Amelia's room. She didn't ask to or choose to. It was almost as if she forgot she could stay in Ben's room, and Amelia didn't say anything. She didn't really like sleeping alone either.
Asleep Lindy's mind wandered, memories and nightmares mixed together and she woke thinking she'd forgotten something again.
"What's wrong?" Lindy thought Amelia must have been already awake, usually she slept soundly.
"...I don't remember."
"It's okay." It's dark but Lindy could still see the concern in Amelia's eyes. She held her hand out and her ring caught the light falling in through the window. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Lindy hesitated. Then she slipped quietly across the room. Amelia made space for her on the bed. Lindy laid down but didn't relax. She touched the brace on Amelia's wrist covering the injury she'd inflicted.
"I'm sorry." It was a whisper. The apology had been clear in her actions and her eyes since the incident but had not been verbalized.
"It's okay."
Lindy's only answer was to move her hand from the brace to Amelia's hand, to her fingertips full of broken, bitten nails.
She changed gradually.
Not the way Lindy did, not with purpose. Lindy worked harder than anyone and she was learning. She was better than all the autobots because she the advantage of will. But as Lindy grew stronger, May began to disappear.
She changed gradually and then suddenly, all at once.
Lindy first noticed her nails. For weeks after she arrived May had scratched up her wrists every night. Her keepers had cut her nails and forced her to wear mits when she slept, like an infant. She took to stealing knives from the cafeteria and drawing them across her arm. She did it to keep track of time. She did it to remember to feel pain. She did it to defy the people who held her. They tried to sedate her but the very power they wanted to control transformed anything they gave her. When she started refusing to eat they put her in lockdown and Lindy only saw her once a week. Her arms were sometimes bloodied, sometimes scarred, and sometimes bandaged after their doctors had covered the wounds with new skin. When her arms were bandaged she turned to her nails, biting them to nothing.
It was interesting to Lindy. It did not occur to her to fight back this way. It was counterintuitive to make yourself weaker. She watched and wondered. And one day noticed May's nails were intact despite her bandages. After that Lindy was not surprised when May started joining them for lessons and finally meals again. She was not surprised when she said her name was Juliet.
After that she was always tired and spoke in riddles if at all. She wasn't an autobot. But she wasn't alive either.
"Why do you bite them?" She pulled the hand up close to her chest, still fingering the broken nails.
"Huh?" Amelia shrugged, jostling them both. "...I don't know. My mother hates it. I think Jake does, too."
"Jakes doesn't hate anything about you."
She said it matter-of-factly, as she said most things. Amelia bit her lip but relaxed her shoulders. Lindy still held Amelia's arms, she'd turned her left wrist over and seemed to be looking for something. Amelia wasn't sure she wanted to know what.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked again.
"I want to sleep." She curled inward, but didn't let go of Amelia. She didn't want to remember any more tonight. She wanted this girl, who'd stood up to Romanov for her before she knew who she was, who'd made her a home simply because she didn't have one, who accepted her without fear -- who still bit her nails -- she wanted her to be the real one. Not the weapon she'd become. Her friend.
"I want to sleep." She curled inward, but didn't let go of Amelia. Lindy slept.
"This is only if you want." Amelia was helping Lindy move things around in Ben's room, not really to make space, but to make it different. Less Ben's. "Or when you want." Both girls had mixed feelings about the whole operation. "Okay?"
Lindy nodded. Amelia fidgeted.
"I like sharing with you."
Lindy gave her a small smile. Amelia bit her lip.
"Do you like sharing with me?"
Lindy nodded again.
"Okay." Amelia straightened and opened her hands. "How's that?"
It was still clearly Ben's room. But Lindy didn't mind. She thought, perhaps, she preferred it. In the Uranus complex she'd had her own suite, nearly as big as this whole apartment. In the Avengers compound she'd shared rooms with the leaders. She was considered a flight risk and a target, same as Ben and the girl she now remembered as his sister. Very little in this room reminded her of the man she knew there, but it was comforting to be in similar circumstances.
"Good," she answered.
"Good," Amelia echoed.
Lindy was still, watching. Amelia knew she was thinking of the other world. Her past.
"What was she like? Juliet?" Her voice was tentative but calm, and curious, nonjudgemental. Lindy considered.
"What's your name?"
The girl had appeared in the first months following the battle. Lindy's attempted escape that resulted in her mother's death, and probably her father's too. This girl and two others were introduced soon after. They'd tried to pass them off as the same but Lindy knew this one, Juliet, was alive the way the others weren't. She was most likely taken, like Lindy was herself. Lindy felt some kinship with her because of it, but not enough to risk herself by answering the question incorrectly.
"Ophelia."
The girl shook her head, tiny braids on the side of her head hit her cheeks as she did. She seemed very young, though they should be about the same age. "What's your real name?"
Lindy was silent.
"I won't tell, I promise." The girl offered Lindy her hand. Lindy was silent. And still.
"I'm May."
Lindy looked away and pretended not to hear. The girl -- Juliet -- May -- smiled that she'd finally gotten a reaction. She sat down next to Lindy and nodded at the other girls across the room.
"You're not like them." They were empty automatons. "The autobots." May called them this after her brother's toys, it was a way to stay connected to him, and their father whose toys they'd been originally. She grinned at Lindy and it made her look even younger. May didn't know she was echoing Lindy's own thoughts and Lindy didn't find it comforting. She found it frightening. Her face tightened but May didn't notice; she grasped Lindy's hand tightly.
"You're a decipticon like me."
Lindy blinked. "She was... my friend."
Amelia's face lit up with a smile.
Lindy slept in Amelia's room. She didn't ask to or choose to. It was almost as if she forgot she could stay in Ben's room, and Amelia didn't say anything. She didn't really like sleeping alone either.
Asleep Lindy's mind wandered, memories and nightmares mixed together and she woke thinking she'd forgotten something again.
"What's wrong?" Lindy thought Amelia must have been already awake, usually she slept soundly.
"...I don't remember."
"It's okay." It's dark but Lindy could still see the concern in Amelia's eyes. She held her hand out and her ring caught the light falling in through the window. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Lindy hesitated. Then she slipped quietly across the room. Amelia made space for her on the bed. Lindy laid down but didn't relax. She touched the brace on Amelia's wrist covering the injury she'd inflicted.
"I'm sorry." It was a whisper. The apology had been clear in her actions and her eyes since the incident but had not been verbalized.
"It's okay."
Lindy's only answer was to move her hand from the brace to Amelia's hand, to her fingertips full of broken, bitten nails.
She changed gradually.
Not the way Lindy did, not with purpose. Lindy worked harder than anyone and she was learning. She was better than all the autobots because she the advantage of will. But as Lindy grew stronger, May began to disappear.
She changed gradually and then suddenly, all at once.
Lindy first noticed her nails. For weeks after she arrived May had scratched up her wrists every night. Her keepers had cut her nails and forced her to wear mits when she slept, like an infant. She took to stealing knives from the cafeteria and drawing them across her arm. She did it to keep track of time. She did it to remember to feel pain. She did it to defy the people who held her. They tried to sedate her but the very power they wanted to control transformed anything they gave her. When she started refusing to eat they put her in lockdown and Lindy only saw her once a week. Her arms were sometimes bloodied, sometimes scarred, and sometimes bandaged after their doctors had covered the wounds with new skin. When her arms were bandaged she turned to her nails, biting them to nothing.
It was interesting to Lindy. It did not occur to her to fight back this way. It was counterintuitive to make yourself weaker. She watched and wondered. And one day noticed May's nails were intact despite her bandages. After that Lindy was not surprised when May started joining them for lessons and finally meals again. She was not surprised when she said her name was Juliet.
After that she was always tired and spoke in riddles if at all. She wasn't an autobot. But she wasn't alive either.
"Why do you bite them?" She pulled the hand up close to her chest, still fingering the broken nails.
"Huh?" Amelia shrugged, jostling them both. "...I don't know. My mother hates it. I think Jake does, too."
"Jakes doesn't hate anything about you."
She said it matter-of-factly, as she said most things. Amelia bit her lip but relaxed her shoulders. Lindy still held Amelia's arms, she'd turned her left wrist over and seemed to be looking for something. Amelia wasn't sure she wanted to know what.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked again.
"I want to sleep." She curled inward, but didn't let go of Amelia. She didn't want to remember any more tonight. She wanted this girl, who'd stood up to Romanov for her before she knew who she was, who'd made her a home simply because she didn't have one, who accepted her without fear -- who still bit her nails -- she wanted her to be the real one. Not the weapon she'd become. Her friend.
"I want to sleep." She curled inward, but didn't let go of Amelia. Lindy slept.