Fic: Life in Pictures
She remembered in flashes.
They left Monday afternoon. It wasn't spur of the moment but it wasn't precisely planned. It would be dark when they arrived, it was starting to get dark when they left. They decided the positives of that outweighed the negatives.
It was important to travel light, especially on a motorcycle; the backpack slung over his shoulder held just a couple days worth of clothes, and the bear Lindy brought everywhere.
"Ready?"
She nodded, but her eyes told a different story.
"Don't worry." He pulled her close. "I love you."
She leaned into the embrace and took a deep breath. "I love you, too."
Lindy ran up and put her arms around both their legs. James grinned and picked her up into his arms. "Hey, doodle-bug. It's time to go. I want you to do everything Mommy tells you, okay? It's very important."
"Okay."
"Good girl." He hugged her tight and handed her over to her mother. Jessica's eyes were still wary, but steady. He stroked her cheek. "See you in a few."
James turned, got on his bike and sped off. Jessica let Lindy down and they walked the other way, hand in hand. When they reached the park they'd get a cab. When they reached Vermont, they'd take to the air.
Ben was waiting outside when Lindy and Amelia arrived at the Barnes' apartment building after school.
"Wow! Dad let you take the bike?"
"No." Amelia stared. Ben winked at his sister before turning his attention to Lindy. "You ready?"
Lindy nodded with a big smile on her face. "I will be back." Ben smiled at her inadvertent reference to the Terminator series; it could be a cute/badass term of endearment.
Amelia continued to stare. "Where are you going?"
Ben frowned. "Montreal." Amelia knew the plan. As much as there was a plan.
She blinked. "Right now?" Ben was quiet. "Won't you be cold?"
"I'm never cold." She knew that, too. Kree genetics. But she also knew that Ben would put Lindy's comfort ahead of his own so that wasn't any excuse and she opened her mouth to object. But he was already explaining. "I've always had a theory that the way I absorb energy could be redirected so instead of bursts it could be a steady stream and the stream could be shaped in lots of ways, including like a forcefield that would react the same way. And have the same protections. It's still all just theory in the big picture but in the practical, Lindy can tap into my powers of absorption as long as we're in physical contact and she has things calibrated a certain way, and sort of piggy back certain passive abilities. . . it's pretty technical and might take some concentration but she should stay warm, at least for the bulk of the trip. And she liked the idea."
Amelia blinked again. "How do you even know--" she began to ask, but Lindy had reappeared.
"Natasha is looking for you."
"Huh?" But message dispatched Lindy's attentions were on Ben.
"I am ready." Ben traded her backpack for a helmet and they made preparations to go. Amelia watched, the whole thing felt more like a movie than real life. The illusion was only broken when Ben paused to give her a hug.
"See you Wednesday, dork. Try to stay out of trouble a few days." His tone was purposefully light. He'd been worried about his sister of late and had deliberated putting off Lindy's quest until Amelia seemed more stable. But it was only days and maybe leaving and coming back is the best way to prove he was there for her.
"I'm not the one leaving the country on a stolen motorcycle!"
Ben grinned and mounted the bike with Lindy behind him, her arms circling his waist. "Natasha's waiting for you," he reminded. With another wink he kicked into gear and sped away. Amelia watched until they turned the corner and disappeared.
"Aaarrrrgggh!"
No one explains treason to a six year old.
"Was there any trouble?"
Lindy sat by the fire; it had been a cold journey.
"No. And she was asleep most of the way."
"Good."
It was late when Ben and Lindy arrived in the city. A quiet excitement had driven the first part of their journey and both had begun to relax as they'd settled into the second half. Ben had been juggling his thoughts and feelings about Lindy and himself versus everyone else since they'd fallen into whatever relationship this was. He knew it wasn't fair to any of them but it was hard to turn off feelings and really, it should be hard and it would be equally unfair to all of them to try. But the further they got from New York the easier it became to let go of that and just focus on the moment. On the wind and the road and the feeling of Lindy's body tight against his.
It was late when they arrived and they were both too exhausted to do anything more than fall into the bed and sleep.
"Good morning."
Lindy had woken first, but she didn't know what to do, so she'd waited.
"Good morning."
Ben smiled at her calm and what could have been uncomfortable was transformed by Lindyness. She answered his smile with one of her own and he leaned over for a quick kiss before standing and making his way to the bathroom to clean up and get dressed for the day.
"So. Where do you want to go?"
Lindy stood very still in the middle of the room. "I don't know."
Ben nodded. "Well, there's lots of things to see." And he launched into a history of Montreal and an overview of the sights designed to put Lindy at ease and inspire her. Neither of them knew where to look because neither of them knew what she was looking for. Ben tried to make it all sound like an adventure. And they headed out to have one.
Lindy's parents tried to make it a game for her whenever they could. In Canada they attempted to hide in plain sight.
"Carol's enrolling him in school."
"In Vancouver?"
"Yes."
"Is that wise?"
"It's Carol. She says since Peter's identity is safe, Ben's should be. I think it's an excuse. She hates hiding."
"We all hate hiding. But lives are at stake."
Jess was very quiet. "I know."
James bowed his head and pulled his wife close. "I'm sorry."
"I know."
They packed as much as they could into the day. Ben tried to apply logic to the situation and picked places that were more than ten years old and might attract kids or families. The Biodome was busy and the crowds spooked Lindy slightly, but Ben had extra trivia to add to the captions at every display and soon it became a game.
The cable car at Olympic Park seemed silly compared to their every day lives and abilities but Ben thought the view should be good from the top. He was not wrong but Lindy didn't see anything notable. Ben suggested they crouch to better represent the view of a small child. This resulted in more laughter and a public display of affection that attracted both scorn and delight, but didn't bring them any closer to their goals.
The botanical gardens were somewhat lonely in late November but it didn't stop Ben using up an entire roll of film and letting Lindy use up another in retaliation. If there was anything to remember in the park, surely they had a picture of it. But nothing stood out as familiar to Lindy. She was beginning to become frustrated.
The underground mall was warm and bustling. Ben suggested they pick something out for Amelia, and for Jake, and then as an afterthought included Dani. She would be at Thanksgiving after all. Lindy agreed and this gave her something to focus on other than her quest and the crowd. But she was still as fidgety as Ben had ever seen her.
In between Lindy's childhood and her return, they'd moved from being figurative underground Avengers to being based literally underground. Ben knew the tunnels better than anyone and in another life he would have led them. But in this life May took his entire focus and he only helped the cause when it helped her. They were returning from a drop off, it was barely three weeks since the escape and Ben had charge of Lindy because no one knew what to do with her. May liked having her around so he didn't complain. But he didn't care either.
The tunnels were flushed with water every day. Lindy had memorized the cycle the first day, with only a small margin of error. HAMMER tried to shake it up but they were predictable; Pepper Potts' need for precision crossed universes. But every once in a while, under Sharon's influence more often than not, things went off not quite according to plan. The water was early and Lindy was caught unawares.
The fountain was incongruous in the underground mall, which is what gave it its charm, but the sound tugged at Lindy's memory. The sound and something about the carving. The wings of stone angels. She stepped closer.
She thought she would drown. The other choice was to let the water carry her back to her captors, or the incinerator, and drowning seemed the best choice. It didn't even bother her overmuch. She'd delivered the means to destroy URANUS and hopefully HAMMER, too. She didn't have a purpose anymore, and no one had cared what happened to her, herself, in years. The water covered her up to the neck, all she had to do was drop beneath it. And only in that moment did she realize she didn't want to.
Lindy touched the water in the fountain. It was cold.
Strong arms pulled her down, under the water, and she held her breath. The rest was a blur until she was in a smaller tunnel, beside Ben, both dripping, and trying to catch their breaths. Lindy's eyes were wide.
"You--"
"She wouldn't leave without you." Ben's voice was a harsh and flat refusal of any gratitude. As if summoned by his words May appeared and flung her arms around her friend.
"Lindy?"
She blinked and dropped her hand from the fountain.
"Hey. Hey..." Her face was pale. "Lindy, what's wrong?" She looked over with haunted eyes. "Did you remember something?"
She frowned as if she couldn't decide. Maybe she didn't even know. Ben took her by the shoulders and turned her away from the fountain. He left his hands on her shoulders and met her eyes directly. "I think we should stop looking for today." He waited but she didn't respond. He pressed his fingers into her arms, trying to convey support. "Let's do something fun. We'll get some dinner and just see where the night takes us. What do you say?"
Lindy let go of the breath she hadn't realized she was holding and nodded. "Okay."
Ben smiled. "Okay." He took her hand and pulled her away from the fountain and out of the mall. She didn't let go until they were seated for dinner.
It was a quiet and uneventful evening. Dinner at a steakhouse, after dinner at a jazz club, after after dinner they returned to their hotel and watched television in French. Which was just as easy to ignore as television in English.
After after after dinner they turned off the television and the lights and Ben brushed his fingers across her face and Lindy traced her fingers down his wrists.
"What are you thinking about?" His voice was as quiet and gentle as his fingers on her lips.
Lindy met his eyes and wanted to answer. About what she felt and how, and what she wanted and why. About how different he was and how important that was and that she was scared. About the fountain and the water and the angels that weren't there. About how she remembered things that weren't there and couldn't remember what she wanted to. About how smooth his wrists were.
"I can't ... say ... It's like something is stopping me."
Ben took a breath and caught her hands in his. He kept his voice and gaze steady.
"Okay. That could be true. Or it could be you, your brain trying to protect you. Or it could just be a feeling. We don't know. We can't know, right now. You know?"
She didn't answer with words, she didn't know them or couldn't find them, or they wouldn't come. Her eyes implored him to understand even though she didn't.
"We can go, right away if you want. We can go home."
"What is home?"
Ben paused. He gave her hands a squeeze.
"Well. Home is where you always feel safe."
Lindy was quiet a moment. "I do not want to go."
Ben nodded and pulled her into his arms. He held her close until she stopped shaking and finally fell asleep. He let his mind and body relax and followed.
They were supposed to leave after breakfast. It was a heavy travel day in the States and the closer they got to New York City the more traffic they'd likely encounter. But Lindy was restless and Ben was worried. He gave her shoulder a friendly knock.
"We don't have to leave right away. Where do you want to go?"
She pointed to a brochure about the cathedral. "Here." She'd never given him so direct an answer. It was strange but he felt less worried already.
"Okay, then!"
Basilique Notre-Dame de Montréal was impressive in its way and Ben was able to babble about its history and the surrounding area, but it was devoid of the angels Lindy was trying to find.
"Don't climb on the statue, doodle-bug."
"Why?"
"Statues aren't for climbing."
"Why?"
Jessica laughed and James smiled despite himself.
"There are many things for climbing," he explained. "Trees. Stairs. Ladders. Statues are for looking at."
"That's silly, Daddy."
Jessica laughed again and this time James joined her.
When they'd left the church they wandered. Lindy was lost in her thoughts but she seemed calmer. She wasn't clinging to his hand, just holding it, because she wanted to. Ben pulled out the camera again and took shots of Old Montreal. A line outside a bakery. An old couple with linked arms. A little girl dancing around the base of a statue of angels.
Lindy stopped suddenly and watched. Ben raised an eyebrow but something told him not to speak and break the moment. She dropped his hand and walked slowly up the steps to the base of statue. Lindy was much taller than the little girl, who was clearly too young to be in school. When she stood on the top step she could reach the angels' stone wings. The wind picked up and she heard laughter.
Lindy turned and looked for Ben; her smile was wide and free and lit up her whole face. He should snap a photo but he didn't want to look away. And then she was rushing down the steps and she launched herself into his arms. Ben caught her and the momentum spun them around. When they pulled apart his smile was as wide as hers.
The sun was already low in the sky. Lindy was still grinning. Her cheeks were red and the wind was blowing her hair every which way. The look in her eyes... Ben didn't want to look away.
"Let's stay."
"Stay?"
"We'll leave in the morning. We'll make it. There's time." He glanced at the steps, the statue, and the park, and back to her beautiful smile. "Show me here. Show me this. . . . If you want to."
It's a simple concept, to want. And one Lindy had been denied and continued to deny herself for years. If you want to stay. To run away. To hide. To go to school. To fight back. To stay alive. To remember. To forget. To hold on. To let go. To feel. To flee. To touch. To climb. To tell. To show. To give. To want.
"I want to."
He nodded, still grinning. "Okay."
"Okay."
He swung her around again and they stayed in the park until the sun went down.