(no subject)
last night angelina came over and we sat outside on the porch swing smoking cloves with the little white lights twinkling just above us, strung inside the roof. our feet didn't touch the ground; we talked about everything you aren't supposed to talk about. how life and relationships and sex and friends and your gut and your brain and every day can be so hard, so complicated. but at the same time, that's how they're miracles when they work. angelina is brave and smart and i love talking to her. i love putting on mascara in the bathroom with her. we walked downtown and saw trombone shorty and drank red bulls & vodka until there were sparks in our blood, and she kept saying let's dance now! why is nobody dancing? we have to dance!, dragging people she'd just met to the front of the room, singlehandedly starting a dance party with everyone twirling and laughing and happy. when i introduced her to a friend of mine, he thought i'd said angel, and she corrected him graciously, said that's an awful lot to live up to.
summer is slowly slipping away. i can't believe it's almost september. i look forward more to autumn now that we live in our new house; i think of cookouts on the porch and open windows with wind smelling like charcoal, walks in the neighborhood wearing hoodies and kicking leaves.
it turns out i don't want cable yet either, radio podcasts and knitting projects and reading on that porch swing are so reassuring. it turns out i love britney's new single. it turns out that sometimes i half-heartedly fill out grad school applications. it turns out that when larry said boyfriend on the phone i thought he said butt friend. it turns out that my brown skin has faded, i miss my bus and sunburn, sitting in the grass for seventeen minutes. i cut my hair in the bathroom mirror with kitchen scissors, coming out naked turning circles saying is this straight? i mean, straight enough?