(no subject)
Well I went back and read all of me old journals this year I think I have written more than I have since I starting this thing in August of 01 I started it two days before leaving Oklahoma. Man I have done mainly bitching on here. Its funny though to see how much I have changed in the past four years since Grduating High school. Damn it doesn't seem that long ago. Sometime I just randomly remember things and its like I didn't really do them I just kinda dreamed them up in my head. Like singing at that chinese resturaunt man that was so much fun. And going around to the convienice stores singing random songs dressed in formal wear followed by rolling/TP ing homes followed by screamming GABBA GABBA HEY and Crystal blasting unsuspecting folks at the deli with waterguns which then resulted in the cops threating me with freaking contributing to delenqency for being out with two underagers after midnight....Even more that than all of my childhood memories seem even more like a dream all of the things that have brought me to where I am at this point in my life seem fake. This is when I begin to question things I mean if we do is forget what is the point if all the effort put into having such a great life and rasing good children just ends in forgeting it all and then dying what the hells the point. Then this brings me to my next delema which is death I mean what truly happpens when we die I can not begin to fathom not being here not waking up next to Chris. It really bugs me I mean its not that I no longer believe in God. Its just how do we know for sure what is right the only way to know is to die but then what?? I have pretty much wondered these things as long as I can remember really I have been scared of death as longs as I can remember. But the thoughts have come back more frequently lately On my wedding day my former softball coach's son(from white oak) Killed himself it just freaks me out to think that he felt death was the way to solve his problems. Woah I got way off the subject there but anyway the battery on my lap top is about to die so I must wrap this up. so long and good night sorry if I have freaked out any of you