fed up...again
i'm so sick and fucking tired of people. just when i start to see a little bit of sun in my damn life there's always someone there to rub salt into your wounds and remind you that nothing will ever be perfect. everything was so perfect. i was back to being truly genuinely happy(and honestly, i can't even remember when the last time i was really happy was). but now theres one little thing that's sending me over the edge again. i mean it shouldnt really matter. this one stupid thing shouldnt determine my happiness. right? i dont know. im just so filled up with so many emotions right now i can't think straight. i'm soooo happy, that i just want to make other people feel the same way i do. but yet, i'm so miserable. i'm so angry at dumb things that i just can't get past. i'm so scared...of everything. scared that i'm going to screw everything up. scared that my happiness will be short lived only to be replaced by more depression and self hatred. i'm so scared to let go and be free. if i let go, i know i wont land on my feet and there will be no one there to catch me. so i hang on. so tight, too afraid to let go. i just dont know anymore. im pretty sure that none of this is making sense but i dont care. i'm a wreck right now and i have to do something. for the first time in quite sometime, i dont feel alone anymore. finally someone can look me in my eyes and see me. i mean really see me. finally someone cares. im just so scared i'm going to lose that.