death
The other day I heard that a friend back in Phoenix died. This is the second friend in less than a year. I wasn't that close to K, I hadn't spoken to him very many times since I moved away. But it still hurts. It hurts to think of what a waste it is, how selfish it was. We were close acquaintences when I still lived in Phoenix. Meaning we saw each other out almost every night and often found ourselves hanging out at the same houses or same parties. K was always a good time. I remember St. Patrick's 2 years ago at the PV when our drunk dumbasses spent a ridiculous amount of time telling each other how hot we thought we were. That was fun, and it makes me smile and want to cry at the same time.
And then, just the situation makes me think of P all over again. We were close. It was funny how much closer we got after I moved away. We talked on the phone almost every day, and if not we texted or talked on the computer. A light went out in my world when he left it. I still haven't been able to erase his number from my phone. I almost peed in my pants one time when he texted me "I'm pooping and thinking of you." It happened while in was in class and I almost lost it. And I still miss those random silly texts. I saw him on my spring break in Phoenix last year, less than a month before it happened. I wasn't able to go back for the services. It makes me kind of scared to go back to Phoenix, kind of like that would make it all really really real. And somewhere inside me I want to think that he and K are still alive there...and going to Phoenix and them not being there anymore would kill that.
I don't know if it's all the other things I am stressed out about and this on top of it...but I'm having a really hard time with this.
And then, just the situation makes me think of P all over again. We were close. It was funny how much closer we got after I moved away. We talked on the phone almost every day, and if not we texted or talked on the computer. A light went out in my world when he left it. I still haven't been able to erase his number from my phone. I almost peed in my pants one time when he texted me "I'm pooping and thinking of you." It happened while in was in class and I almost lost it. And I still miss those random silly texts. I saw him on my spring break in Phoenix last year, less than a month before it happened. I wasn't able to go back for the services. It makes me kind of scared to go back to Phoenix, kind of like that would make it all really really real. And somewhere inside me I want to think that he and K are still alive there...and going to Phoenix and them not being there anymore would kill that.
I don't know if it's all the other things I am stressed out about and this on top of it...but I'm having a really hard time with this.