(no subject)
I need a change.
I wish I could just pack up and move to Italy or something...I need to leave this state and just become who I want to be.
I love my friends more than anything, but its weird: I feel like I cannot grow up. My high school past follows me everywhere. My ex-boyfriend still calls, though I wish he would just stop, and talks about "the way we were," despite the fact that it was four.. F-O-U-R years ago. I was 16. But yet I am still dealing with the aftermath of heartbreak and he still wont let go,so I can't completely let go either, therefore its like this never-ending haunting by the Ghost of Heartbreak Past.
It's a mess.
Not only that, but my room mate is dating a kid I grew up with, who, coincidentally, it room mates with my ex-boyfriend. She is going to the wedding of my old daycare provider's son in my hometown, and the wedding will have all the people I graduated with. She knows all the people I grew up with.
My good friend Courtney from high school is in three of my classes this semester at CMU.
My good friend, Alie went to high school with my friend Kelly's ex-boyfriend, so they all know each other and talk and gossip and have this big drama within that social circle.
Kelly also, coincidentally, lived in the dorm next to me my freshman year of college. She knows all my friends as well.
I probably am complaining about something that really does not need to be complained about, but I just feel like I cant be myself, but have to be the person I have been since high school. I cant shake that identity. I barely know anyone that is simply my friend for me and does not know my past.
I just want a clean slate to be who I am without any past influences.
I want that more than anything right now.
I wish I could just pack up and move to Italy or something...I need to leave this state and just become who I want to be.
I love my friends more than anything, but its weird: I feel like I cannot grow up. My high school past follows me everywhere. My ex-boyfriend still calls, though I wish he would just stop, and talks about "the way we were," despite the fact that it was four.. F-O-U-R years ago. I was 16. But yet I am still dealing with the aftermath of heartbreak and he still wont let go,so I can't completely let go either, therefore its like this never-ending haunting by the Ghost of Heartbreak Past.
It's a mess.
Not only that, but my room mate is dating a kid I grew up with, who, coincidentally, it room mates with my ex-boyfriend. She is going to the wedding of my old daycare provider's son in my hometown, and the wedding will have all the people I graduated with. She knows all the people I grew up with.
My good friend Courtney from high school is in three of my classes this semester at CMU.
My good friend, Alie went to high school with my friend Kelly's ex-boyfriend, so they all know each other and talk and gossip and have this big drama within that social circle.
Kelly also, coincidentally, lived in the dorm next to me my freshman year of college. She knows all my friends as well.
I probably am complaining about something that really does not need to be complained about, but I just feel like I cant be myself, but have to be the person I have been since high school. I cant shake that identity. I barely know anyone that is simply my friend for me and does not know my past.
I just want a clean slate to be who I am without any past influences.
I want that more than anything right now.