Its hard...I am not sure if i will be able to do that.. I guess part of me likes it the way it is..B/c i know I can take alot more than what is going on right now..So its not very bad..so i contiinue to deal until life becomes to much. then i'll take it into my own hands..and will feel better...i really wanna cut honestly.. sorry for my lingo but its fucked up right? what the heck is going on with someone to want to feel that thing that brings more guilt then i can barely handle..omg...i try i honestly do..i jsut really want to feel it again..i got the blade but its jsut putting it to my skin another time.. i have been so so strong for such a long long time..and i would be sooo disappointed in myself...and i would have to explain it to brian.. i can'r hide that from Brian..for long at least.wtf...grrr...why must this happen when i have so many good people and things in my life.. i should and i am greatful for them. but its jsut that i am not happy with myself..and i do not know how to change that..you know i have been thinking of more and more wanting to lose weigh..i know that the only quick fix is straving myself...and that is what i am going to do if i don't start losing more weight soon..its jsut that i've hurt for soo long that i am not even sure what to do..its like why am i like this i have a wonderful family and the best and loving bf you could ever have and i am still not happy with myself...omg...wtf... i guess i'll deal like before. much luv!
sorry for my lingo but its fucked up right?
what the heck is going on with someone to want to feel that thing that brings more guilt then i can barely handle..omg...i try i honestly do..i jsut really want to feel it again..i got the blade but its jsut putting it to my skin another time.. i have been so so strong for such a long long time..and i would be sooo disappointed in myself...and i would have to explain it to brian.. i can'r hide that from Brian..for long at least.wtf...grrr...why must this happen when i have so many good people and things in my life.. i should and i am greatful for them. but its jsut that i am not happy with myself..and i do not know how to change that..you know i have been thinking of more and more wanting to lose weigh..i know that the only quick fix is straving myself...and that is what i am going to do if i don't start losing more weight soon..its jsut that i've hurt for soo long that i am not even sure what to do..its like why am i like this i have a wonderful family and the best and loving bf you could ever have and i am still not happy with myself...omg...wtf...
i guess i'll deal like before.
much luv!
Reply
Leave a comment