(no subject)
I just read a post left by Hannah and it really left me sppechless. It's time that I start realizing some things.
After I miscarried my babies, I was distraught and thought life meant nothing. It didn't really help that Nick divorced me. But when that happened, life just became something that I do. Nothing something to be cherished. I had to live. I had to keep moving on. I didn't want to at the time. But if I didn't keep moving, I would have gone crazy. Actually, I think I almost did.
All I could do was drink. I wanted to wash away my sorrows and bitterness in the comforting call of a shot glass. Then Garret asked me to come on tour with KH, to save me. Dan agreed that it would be a good idea and they both helped me recover.
Granted I've been drinking lately, it isn't alot. I don't think I want to go back down that road again. Like I said before, if I go there again, I won't come out alive.
And life is too short and too precious to be spent fighting and arguing and regretting things. It's the little signs of affection that count in the end. I know that when I am 90 and on my death bed, if someone asks me what my favorite memory is, it won't be becoming an actress and living in the spotlight. It won't be recording music. It won't be starring in a play.
It will be the important things.
It will be playing in the rain, taking a day off of work and sitting around the house, laying beside the fire, holding someone's hand, knowing i'm loved, letting myself be loved.. It won't be the accomplishments in my life, it will be the fragile little tender moments of being with someone and letting myself get completely wrapped up in the beauty of life.
I'm sorry to anyone I hurt. But, like you said, we have to drop this and move on.
Anyone I know could die at any moment. Someone could choke on their breakfast, or get in a car accident, or find out they have a terminal disease, or get in the way of a robbery and get shot.. anything can happen and at any time. I'm not going to spend what might possibly be my last minute, or hour, or day alive feeling sorry for myself.
I care alot about you but if you aren't ready, I'll wait. Just let me know that I am waiting for something and it's not all for naught.
EDIT: I apologize for the dramatics.
After I miscarried my babies, I was distraught and thought life meant nothing. It didn't really help that Nick divorced me. But when that happened, life just became something that I do. Nothing something to be cherished. I had to live. I had to keep moving on. I didn't want to at the time. But if I didn't keep moving, I would have gone crazy. Actually, I think I almost did.
All I could do was drink. I wanted to wash away my sorrows and bitterness in the comforting call of a shot glass. Then Garret asked me to come on tour with KH, to save me. Dan agreed that it would be a good idea and they both helped me recover.
Granted I've been drinking lately, it isn't alot. I don't think I want to go back down that road again. Like I said before, if I go there again, I won't come out alive.
And life is too short and too precious to be spent fighting and arguing and regretting things. It's the little signs of affection that count in the end. I know that when I am 90 and on my death bed, if someone asks me what my favorite memory is, it won't be becoming an actress and living in the spotlight. It won't be recording music. It won't be starring in a play.
It will be the important things.
It will be playing in the rain, taking a day off of work and sitting around the house, laying beside the fire, holding someone's hand, knowing i'm loved, letting myself be loved.. It won't be the accomplishments in my life, it will be the fragile little tender moments of being with someone and letting myself get completely wrapped up in the beauty of life.
I'm sorry to anyone I hurt. But, like you said, we have to drop this and move on.
Anyone I know could die at any moment. Someone could choke on their breakfast, or get in a car accident, or find out they have a terminal disease, or get in the way of a robbery and get shot.. anything can happen and at any time. I'm not going to spend what might possibly be my last minute, or hour, or day alive feeling sorry for myself.
I care alot about you but if you aren't ready, I'll wait. Just let me know that I am waiting for something and it's not all for naught.
EDIT: I apologize for the dramatics.