(no subject)
Some of you may know that Kevin and I went to New York City and Washington, D.C. at the beginning of January. It was a great trip - we had a lot of fun, went to a million museums (literally =D), saw a bunch of great Broadway shows and met some celebrities. Other than some minor quibbles (I absolutely HATE landing in a new city and having to immediately navigate the subway system), everything went fairly smoothly. That is, until we got to the airport to fly home to Toronto.
First of all, let me say that Dulles International in Washington is the most unbelieveably disorganized and mind-bogglingly designed I have ever had the misfortune of flying through. We managed to get ourselves to the airport okay, but it took us a few minutes to find the departures level and another few to find the right counter. See, I foolishly thought that, since I had bought our airline tickets through the Air Canada website, that meant we would be flying with Air Canada. Alas, when we got to the Air Canada counter, it was closed and there was nobody around.
Linda:(looking at the empty counter) Hmm...it's closed.
Kevin: Are you sure it's Air Canada? Does the e-ticket say anything else?
Linda: (consulting the ticket) Uh, it says the flight is run by United Airlines...?
Thankfully the United Airlines counter was right next to Air Canada's and we were checked in by a polite, friendly employee. She would be the last polite, friendly person we would meet at the airport.
The woman told us we had to drop our bags at security then take a shuttle to concourse ___ (I forgot what letter it was). After a little hesitation, we found the security bag drop (basically 3 security guards looking very bored took our bags and threw them down an ominous looking chute to nowhere) and set about trying to figure out where to get on the shuttle. We finally determined that we had to go through security first and stood in front of it, looking in dismay at the guide-rails blocking us from entering directly. Resigned, we walked about 5 minutes to the right along what seemed like miles of guide-rails and followed it 5 minutes back before finding ourselves at the exact spot we had been, except that now we were on the other side of the guide-rail...and it was now open.
Rolling my eyes, I joined a security line with Kevin right behind me. After emptying my pockets and plopping my carry-on, passport, boarding pass, jacket and shoes (yes, shoes) onto the conveyer belt, I walked through the security gate and was relieved to hear no beeping. Kevin was also soon cleared and we began to walk further into the airport, following the signs to the shuttle for our concourse. Along the way we picked up some pizza at a stand that was right next to a pseudo-bar with a TV playing a football game. I was disturbed to see that the crowd gathered around it consisted of security guards, baggage handlers and other airport employees. After briefly wondering how all these people had the time to sit around in front of a TV watching a football game and managing to convince myself that they were on break, we were on our way again.
About 20 minutes later (I kid you not), we finally came upon the shuttle pick-up for our concourse. Basically, it was what looked like an emergency door that opened onto the airport runway, complete with planes whizzing by (though, admittedly at some distance). Since the door was open and nobody around it looked like an airport official, we tentatively made our way to it and began to step through. I was about halfway outside when I heard:
Woman: Shuttle not here.
Linda: (stepping back inside and looking down at the disoriented-looking woman sitting next to the door) Is this the shuttle for concourse ___?
Woman: (nods then goes back to the sandwich she's eating from a lunchbox sitting on the seat next to her)
Linda: Uh, thank you.
It wasn't until I sat down that I noticed that this woman wasn't just a random passenger but, in fact, an airport employee. Kevin and I waited a few minutes, taking the time to rest from our long trek, then watched as the woman stood up and disappeared into the woman's washroom. In the meantime, two men in nondescript clothes showed up and sat down near the door, chatting about personal matters to each other. After a few more minutes, people started to stream in through the open door, signifying that the shuttle had arrived. The 4 or 5 of us that were waiting for it looked around at each other in confusion and I glanced towards the woman's washroom, hoping that the employee would come back out and tell us what to do. When she didn't, I looked back towards the door and was just in time to see the two men stand up and, motioning for us to follow them, disappear through the door.
With some hesitation, Kevin and I stood up and exited the building. The men were actually the drivers of the shuttle bus, which was comforting, and we settled ourselves on two of maybe six seats inside the barren bus. The rest of the space was occupied by...well, nothing =). There were some poles but, obviously, passengers weren't supposed to sit. After a somewhat harrowing 10 minute ride, wherein we wound slowly around planes and runways towards the concourse, we arrived and walked into what was basically a long rectangular box outfitted with a single newspaper stand/bar, washrooms, a row of payphones and about 15 desks, each with two gate numbers written on them.
We chose a couple of seats and sat down before I decided that I should check on the status of our flight. Walking over to the monitors that showed the flight schedules, I soon discovered that our flight had been delayed by an hour. I told Kevin the news then suggested that he call his parents, since they would be picking us up at the airport in Toronto. He took my phone card and went to use the payphones but soon returned to tell me that the phone card wasn't working. He went back for another attempt, which didn't work, before I took it from him and went to try myself. When I did, I was greeted with the news that the card had insufficient funds for the call (despite the fact that it had had over $3 the previous day).
After contemplating banging my head against the wall and deciding I didn't have the energy, I walked back to Kevin and gave him the news. The good news, however, was that I had noticed a sticker stuck on the payphone that listed the long-distance rates if we used good old-fashioned change and they were pretty damn reasonable. The problem, of course, was that neither of us had change, having used it all in anticipation of not needing it anymore. That problem was solved by Kevin's purchase of a chocolate bar and, finally, he was able to call his parents and leave a message that we would be late.
Resigning ourselves to a long wait (it was at least a couple of hours before our flight was scheduled to depart), we entertained ourselves by listening to the announcements that kept coming over the intercom system every two minutes. Here's a sampling:
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight _______, please be advised that your flight has been delayed due to the lateness of the flight crew. As soon as your pilot, co-pilot and flight attendant show up, we'll let you know.
(about 20 minutes later)
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight _______, we're still waiting on your pilot. We have absolutely no idea when he'll arrive.
(about 15 minutes later, a pilot walks through the door and, amidst applause, disappears through a gate)
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight _______, as you may have noticed, your pilot has just arrived. As soon as he's conducted his safety check, we'll have you boarded and on your way.
Disembodied voice: Attention passengers on Flight _______ to New York. If anyone has a flexible schedule and is willing to give up their seat, would you please come to gate ________? Your flight is overbooked and we cannot carry all of you tonight. We will compensate you with a free flight to anywhere in the continental U.S.
Disembodied voice: Attention passengers on Flight _______. Unfortunately, your plane has exceeded its weight limit and we are unable to carry all checked-in passengers as it will be too heavy. Will any passengers who have flexible schedules and are willing to give up their seats please proceed to gate ________?
Disembodied voice: A-attention passengers on Flight 08...I mean, 094...I mean 940 to Mia...to Los Angeles. There's been a...a delay...I mean, your flight crew...(garble, garble, unintelligible English)...thank you.
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight ______, please be advised that your plane has been delayed due to a mechanical failure. It should only take 15 minutes to fix, then we'll have you on your way.
(30 minutes later)
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight ______, the mechanical failure is worse than we thought. We're still trying to fix it but your flight will be delayed another hour. We'll keep you posted.
(30 minutes later)
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight ______, your flight has been cancelled due to mechanical failure. Please come to the customer desk to arrange alternative flights.
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight ______, your flight is now boarding at gate 4.
(5 minutes later)
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight ______, your boarding gate has now been changed to gate 20. That's gate 21...I mean, gate 20! Yes, gate 21.
I swear, this went on for hours and every single one of these announcements actually happened (although I'm a little foggy on the details). I became more and more concerned about our own flight as time went on, especially as it soon became 10pm and it still hadn't begun boarding (though it was scheduled to take off at 10:15). Finally the announcement for the boarding of our flight was called and we were able to get through the gate. Once we had emerged on the other side, we found ourselves in a tunnel outside, composed of two tall partitions, one on either side. It was windy and freezing cold, and we had to walk about 10 minutes before we finally reached an opening (our "gate") and found ourselves standing in front of the smallest plane I have ever seen. We walked up the steps into the cabin and I was shocked to see that the seating configuration was 2-2 (2 seats on either side with a narrow aisle down the middle).
I literally fell into my seat, which was beside a nice, middle-aged woman, and stowed all my stuff. There was one flight attendant, who was making sure everyone was seated. The plane filled quickly and, once everyone was in their seat, we waited for the door to be closed and the plane to take off. We waited...and waited...and waited. After awhile, the flight attendant came over the intercom:
FA: Welcome to flight _____ with United Airlines to Toronto. Please listen carefully to the safety instructions I will now give you. In the unlikely case of an emergency landing over a body of water, there is a life jacket under the seat in front of you. If the cabin pressure should drop...
(Her voice trails off as she turns to talk to the Captain and 50 expectant faces turn towards them. She walks out of sight)
Linda: (jokingly, to the woman beside her) I hope she remembers to finish those safety instructions later!
The flight attendant came back in a few minutes and lifted the receiver for the intercom again.
FA: I apologize, ladies and gentlemen, but apparently our paperwork is not on board. Someone has gone to find it so we'll be on our way as soon as it arrives. Thank you for your patience.
Awhile later, after some whispered discussion, the flight attendant lifted the receiver again, a tired smile on her face.
FA: Ladies and gentlemen, the paperwork has arrived but we have a new problem. The plane is too light for take-off because, apparently, we don't have enough luggage to balance it. As such, we need to rearrange some seating. We have three children on board - two in the front and one in the back. We need to move the two children sitting in the front of the plane to the back and, obviously, would like to move their parents with them. Would four adults in the rear mind switching please?
(There are some amused faces as four people from the back stand up and drag their stuff to the front of the plane. Meanwhile, the aforementioned children are sleeping and need to be wakened and transported by their disgruntled parents, complete with bags of toys and supplies, to the back. As this is happening, the pilot comes out of the cockpit with an apologetic look.)
Pilot: I'm sorry, folks. You can blame the French-Canadians, who designed this stupid plane, for making it so nose-heavy that we need to pile luggage in the back to balance it.
At this comment, the woman next to me turned to me with a confused expression.
Woman: That's strange. If the plane is nose-heavy, why are they moving the lighter people to the back of the plane?
Linda: (cocking her head, thinking) I don't know, that IS really weird. They must have a good reason though.
As we're having this conversation, the flight attendant is talking to some people in front about our situation.
FA: Yes, it's really strange. Normally people pack way too much and the problem is that we have too much luggage. Apparently, this time, you all have packed too little. We only have 16 bags to fill the hold.
Kevin and I exchange looks. I was thinking, "how on earth can there only be 16 bags? There are at least 50 people on this plane." About ten more minutes go by before the flight attendant gets back on the intercom.
FA: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for your patience. We're just trying to find some extra ballast for the luggage hold. As soon as we find that, we'll be on our way. (Trying to joke) Apparently you all are very conscientious flyers and great packers! We only have 16 bags on board, which is very bizarre.
At this point, a man in the front seat spoke up.
Man: Excuse me, but didn't the pilot say that the plane was nose-heavy?
FA: Yes.
Man: Doesn't that mean the lighter people, namely the children, should be in the front of the plane? Don't we need all the weight we can get in the back?
FA: (looking confused, laughs nervously) Well, I...yes, that would make sense. Hold on.
(She disappears into the cockpit. After a few minutes, she comes out, still laughing nervously, and picks up the receiver again.)
FA: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry but I've made a mistake. I misunderstood what flight control said and I need all of the children in the front of the plane, not the rear. Could we please have the children that were moved to the back and their parents back in the front, along with the extra child and parent, and six volunteers to move to the back?
There was a lot of grumbling and some worried looks being exchanged amongst passengers as people switched seats and some obviously PO-ed parents moved their drowsy children. Finally the switch was made. Suddenly...
Young man behind us: (waving at the flight attendant) Excuse me? Did you say we only have 16 bags on the plane?
FA: Yes...?
YMBU: And they're all on board?
FA: Yes...?
YMBU: Well, I'm looking out my window here, and I swear that I see my bags sitting out on the runway.
The flight attendant looked shocked then asked for his name before going back into the cockpit. A moment later the pilot exited, wearing only his short-sleeved shirt, and ran down the steps. I watched him go over to a truckload of abandoned bags on the runway and check some tags before apparently swearing and lifting a couple of them down. Carrying them towards the plane, he was stopped by a baggage handler who materialized from nowhere. The pair had a screaming match that looked like it would come to blows before the pilot dropped the bags and re-entered the plane. After a brief conference with the flight attendant, he disappeared into the cockpit and she came up the aisle.
FA: Sir, I'm so sorry, but we HAVE found a couple of your bags on the runway.
YMBU: (obviously having witnessed the same thing I did) Why weren't they loaded on the plane then?
FA: Well, the baggage handler is saying that we can't load those bags onto the plane without security clearance. The pilot is trying to sort it out right now.
After relaying this information, she walked back to the front of the plane, obviously frazzled. A moment later, a man went down the aisle towards her, looking worried. They had a heated discussion, during which I overheard her say, "No, there is no problem with the safety of this plane. I just made a mistake." Finally, she sighed and went into the cockpit, returning with the pilot. The man and the pilot had another heated discussion, which ended with the pilot saying, in obvious exasperation, to the flight attendant, "Fine, let him go!" The man returned back up the aisle, picked up his things and, with three other people, exited the plane.
About 10 minutes later, the flight attendant picked up the receiver again.
FA: Ladies and gentlemen, since we have lost four passengers from the rear, I need four passengers from the first four rows to please take their seats.
Four passengers good-naturedly got up and moved, joking about how they had never thought their weight would be of so much use on this flight. A few minutes later, the door was closed and the pilot came over the intercom.
Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. We now have our paperwork, our weight and what bags we could find. I apologize to the man who saw his bags on the runway - I tried to get them on the plane but apparently no-one at this airport has the authority to allow me to put them on my plane. They will, however, arrive in Toronto in the next few days and be delived to your house. We are now, finally, ready to take off. Thank you for your patience.
A few minutes later, we finally lifted off. The flight itself wasn't bad, though the turbulence as we lifted off was a little scary. In such a small plane, you can really feel everything and the weather was bad to start with. After a period of time during which I regretted not getting off the plane like the four people who had left earlier, the plane settled down and we had an uneventful flight into Toronto.
After deboarding and walking miles to customs, we were quickly questioned and let through. I believe we were the last flight of the night and that the customs people were too tired to really care whether we were terrorists or not =). After customs, we made our way to baggage pick-up and watched the 16 bags roll onto the conveyer belt. My bag, fortunately, was there, but Kevin's was not. Thus followed about 15 minutes of watching Kevin and most of the passengers on the plane fill out lost baggage forms at customer service before we finally headed out the gate and found Kevin's dad.
Thus ends my account of our adventures in Dulles International Airport, just outside Washington, D.C. In conclusion, I have two pieces of advice:
1) NEVER fly through Dulles. Period. EVER.
2) If you must fly through Dulles, NEVER fly on United Airlines. Actually, NEVER fly United.
Here's hoping I'll listen to my own advice in the future =).
First of all, let me say that Dulles International in Washington is the most unbelieveably disorganized and mind-bogglingly designed I have ever had the misfortune of flying through. We managed to get ourselves to the airport okay, but it took us a few minutes to find the departures level and another few to find the right counter. See, I foolishly thought that, since I had bought our airline tickets through the Air Canada website, that meant we would be flying with Air Canada. Alas, when we got to the Air Canada counter, it was closed and there was nobody around.
Linda:(looking at the empty counter) Hmm...it's closed.
Kevin: Are you sure it's Air Canada? Does the e-ticket say anything else?
Linda: (consulting the ticket) Uh, it says the flight is run by United Airlines...?
Thankfully the United Airlines counter was right next to Air Canada's and we were checked in by a polite, friendly employee. She would be the last polite, friendly person we would meet at the airport.
The woman told us we had to drop our bags at security then take a shuttle to concourse ___ (I forgot what letter it was). After a little hesitation, we found the security bag drop (basically 3 security guards looking very bored took our bags and threw them down an ominous looking chute to nowhere) and set about trying to figure out where to get on the shuttle. We finally determined that we had to go through security first and stood in front of it, looking in dismay at the guide-rails blocking us from entering directly. Resigned, we walked about 5 minutes to the right along what seemed like miles of guide-rails and followed it 5 minutes back before finding ourselves at the exact spot we had been, except that now we were on the other side of the guide-rail...and it was now open.
Rolling my eyes, I joined a security line with Kevin right behind me. After emptying my pockets and plopping my carry-on, passport, boarding pass, jacket and shoes (yes, shoes) onto the conveyer belt, I walked through the security gate and was relieved to hear no beeping. Kevin was also soon cleared and we began to walk further into the airport, following the signs to the shuttle for our concourse. Along the way we picked up some pizza at a stand that was right next to a pseudo-bar with a TV playing a football game. I was disturbed to see that the crowd gathered around it consisted of security guards, baggage handlers and other airport employees. After briefly wondering how all these people had the time to sit around in front of a TV watching a football game and managing to convince myself that they were on break, we were on our way again.
About 20 minutes later (I kid you not), we finally came upon the shuttle pick-up for our concourse. Basically, it was what looked like an emergency door that opened onto the airport runway, complete with planes whizzing by (though, admittedly at some distance). Since the door was open and nobody around it looked like an airport official, we tentatively made our way to it and began to step through. I was about halfway outside when I heard:
Woman: Shuttle not here.
Linda: (stepping back inside and looking down at the disoriented-looking woman sitting next to the door) Is this the shuttle for concourse ___?
Woman: (nods then goes back to the sandwich she's eating from a lunchbox sitting on the seat next to her)
Linda: Uh, thank you.
It wasn't until I sat down that I noticed that this woman wasn't just a random passenger but, in fact, an airport employee. Kevin and I waited a few minutes, taking the time to rest from our long trek, then watched as the woman stood up and disappeared into the woman's washroom. In the meantime, two men in nondescript clothes showed up and sat down near the door, chatting about personal matters to each other. After a few more minutes, people started to stream in through the open door, signifying that the shuttle had arrived. The 4 or 5 of us that were waiting for it looked around at each other in confusion and I glanced towards the woman's washroom, hoping that the employee would come back out and tell us what to do. When she didn't, I looked back towards the door and was just in time to see the two men stand up and, motioning for us to follow them, disappear through the door.
With some hesitation, Kevin and I stood up and exited the building. The men were actually the drivers of the shuttle bus, which was comforting, and we settled ourselves on two of maybe six seats inside the barren bus. The rest of the space was occupied by...well, nothing =). There were some poles but, obviously, passengers weren't supposed to sit. After a somewhat harrowing 10 minute ride, wherein we wound slowly around planes and runways towards the concourse, we arrived and walked into what was basically a long rectangular box outfitted with a single newspaper stand/bar, washrooms, a row of payphones and about 15 desks, each with two gate numbers written on them.
We chose a couple of seats and sat down before I decided that I should check on the status of our flight. Walking over to the monitors that showed the flight schedules, I soon discovered that our flight had been delayed by an hour. I told Kevin the news then suggested that he call his parents, since they would be picking us up at the airport in Toronto. He took my phone card and went to use the payphones but soon returned to tell me that the phone card wasn't working. He went back for another attempt, which didn't work, before I took it from him and went to try myself. When I did, I was greeted with the news that the card had insufficient funds for the call (despite the fact that it had had over $3 the previous day).
After contemplating banging my head against the wall and deciding I didn't have the energy, I walked back to Kevin and gave him the news. The good news, however, was that I had noticed a sticker stuck on the payphone that listed the long-distance rates if we used good old-fashioned change and they were pretty damn reasonable. The problem, of course, was that neither of us had change, having used it all in anticipation of not needing it anymore. That problem was solved by Kevin's purchase of a chocolate bar and, finally, he was able to call his parents and leave a message that we would be late.
Resigning ourselves to a long wait (it was at least a couple of hours before our flight was scheduled to depart), we entertained ourselves by listening to the announcements that kept coming over the intercom system every two minutes. Here's a sampling:
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight _______, please be advised that your flight has been delayed due to the lateness of the flight crew. As soon as your pilot, co-pilot and flight attendant show up, we'll let you know.
(about 20 minutes later)
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight _______, we're still waiting on your pilot. We have absolutely no idea when he'll arrive.
(about 15 minutes later, a pilot walks through the door and, amidst applause, disappears through a gate)
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight _______, as you may have noticed, your pilot has just arrived. As soon as he's conducted his safety check, we'll have you boarded and on your way.
Disembodied voice: Attention passengers on Flight _______ to New York. If anyone has a flexible schedule and is willing to give up their seat, would you please come to gate ________? Your flight is overbooked and we cannot carry all of you tonight. We will compensate you with a free flight to anywhere in the continental U.S.
Disembodied voice: Attention passengers on Flight _______. Unfortunately, your plane has exceeded its weight limit and we are unable to carry all checked-in passengers as it will be too heavy. Will any passengers who have flexible schedules and are willing to give up their seats please proceed to gate ________?
Disembodied voice: A-attention passengers on Flight 08...I mean, 094...I mean 940 to Mia...to Los Angeles. There's been a...a delay...I mean, your flight crew...(garble, garble, unintelligible English)...thank you.
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight ______, please be advised that your plane has been delayed due to a mechanical failure. It should only take 15 minutes to fix, then we'll have you on your way.
(30 minutes later)
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight ______, the mechanical failure is worse than we thought. We're still trying to fix it but your flight will be delayed another hour. We'll keep you posted.
(30 minutes later)
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight ______, your flight has been cancelled due to mechanical failure. Please come to the customer desk to arrange alternative flights.
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight ______, your flight is now boarding at gate 4.
(5 minutes later)
Disembodied voice: Passengers on Flight ______, your boarding gate has now been changed to gate 20. That's gate 21...I mean, gate 20! Yes, gate 21.
I swear, this went on for hours and every single one of these announcements actually happened (although I'm a little foggy on the details). I became more and more concerned about our own flight as time went on, especially as it soon became 10pm and it still hadn't begun boarding (though it was scheduled to take off at 10:15). Finally the announcement for the boarding of our flight was called and we were able to get through the gate. Once we had emerged on the other side, we found ourselves in a tunnel outside, composed of two tall partitions, one on either side. It was windy and freezing cold, and we had to walk about 10 minutes before we finally reached an opening (our "gate") and found ourselves standing in front of the smallest plane I have ever seen. We walked up the steps into the cabin and I was shocked to see that the seating configuration was 2-2 (2 seats on either side with a narrow aisle down the middle).
I literally fell into my seat, which was beside a nice, middle-aged woman, and stowed all my stuff. There was one flight attendant, who was making sure everyone was seated. The plane filled quickly and, once everyone was in their seat, we waited for the door to be closed and the plane to take off. We waited...and waited...and waited. After awhile, the flight attendant came over the intercom:
FA: Welcome to flight _____ with United Airlines to Toronto. Please listen carefully to the safety instructions I will now give you. In the unlikely case of an emergency landing over a body of water, there is a life jacket under the seat in front of you. If the cabin pressure should drop...
(Her voice trails off as she turns to talk to the Captain and 50 expectant faces turn towards them. She walks out of sight)
Linda: (jokingly, to the woman beside her) I hope she remembers to finish those safety instructions later!
The flight attendant came back in a few minutes and lifted the receiver for the intercom again.
FA: I apologize, ladies and gentlemen, but apparently our paperwork is not on board. Someone has gone to find it so we'll be on our way as soon as it arrives. Thank you for your patience.
Awhile later, after some whispered discussion, the flight attendant lifted the receiver again, a tired smile on her face.
FA: Ladies and gentlemen, the paperwork has arrived but we have a new problem. The plane is too light for take-off because, apparently, we don't have enough luggage to balance it. As such, we need to rearrange some seating. We have three children on board - two in the front and one in the back. We need to move the two children sitting in the front of the plane to the back and, obviously, would like to move their parents with them. Would four adults in the rear mind switching please?
(There are some amused faces as four people from the back stand up and drag their stuff to the front of the plane. Meanwhile, the aforementioned children are sleeping and need to be wakened and transported by their disgruntled parents, complete with bags of toys and supplies, to the back. As this is happening, the pilot comes out of the cockpit with an apologetic look.)
Pilot: I'm sorry, folks. You can blame the French-Canadians, who designed this stupid plane, for making it so nose-heavy that we need to pile luggage in the back to balance it.
At this comment, the woman next to me turned to me with a confused expression.
Woman: That's strange. If the plane is nose-heavy, why are they moving the lighter people to the back of the plane?
Linda: (cocking her head, thinking) I don't know, that IS really weird. They must have a good reason though.
As we're having this conversation, the flight attendant is talking to some people in front about our situation.
FA: Yes, it's really strange. Normally people pack way too much and the problem is that we have too much luggage. Apparently, this time, you all have packed too little. We only have 16 bags to fill the hold.
Kevin and I exchange looks. I was thinking, "how on earth can there only be 16 bags? There are at least 50 people on this plane." About ten more minutes go by before the flight attendant gets back on the intercom.
FA: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for your patience. We're just trying to find some extra ballast for the luggage hold. As soon as we find that, we'll be on our way. (Trying to joke) Apparently you all are very conscientious flyers and great packers! We only have 16 bags on board, which is very bizarre.
At this point, a man in the front seat spoke up.
Man: Excuse me, but didn't the pilot say that the plane was nose-heavy?
FA: Yes.
Man: Doesn't that mean the lighter people, namely the children, should be in the front of the plane? Don't we need all the weight we can get in the back?
FA: (looking confused, laughs nervously) Well, I...yes, that would make sense. Hold on.
(She disappears into the cockpit. After a few minutes, she comes out, still laughing nervously, and picks up the receiver again.)
FA: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry but I've made a mistake. I misunderstood what flight control said and I need all of the children in the front of the plane, not the rear. Could we please have the children that were moved to the back and their parents back in the front, along with the extra child and parent, and six volunteers to move to the back?
There was a lot of grumbling and some worried looks being exchanged amongst passengers as people switched seats and some obviously PO-ed parents moved their drowsy children. Finally the switch was made. Suddenly...
Young man behind us: (waving at the flight attendant) Excuse me? Did you say we only have 16 bags on the plane?
FA: Yes...?
YMBU: And they're all on board?
FA: Yes...?
YMBU: Well, I'm looking out my window here, and I swear that I see my bags sitting out on the runway.
The flight attendant looked shocked then asked for his name before going back into the cockpit. A moment later the pilot exited, wearing only his short-sleeved shirt, and ran down the steps. I watched him go over to a truckload of abandoned bags on the runway and check some tags before apparently swearing and lifting a couple of them down. Carrying them towards the plane, he was stopped by a baggage handler who materialized from nowhere. The pair had a screaming match that looked like it would come to blows before the pilot dropped the bags and re-entered the plane. After a brief conference with the flight attendant, he disappeared into the cockpit and she came up the aisle.
FA: Sir, I'm so sorry, but we HAVE found a couple of your bags on the runway.
YMBU: (obviously having witnessed the same thing I did) Why weren't they loaded on the plane then?
FA: Well, the baggage handler is saying that we can't load those bags onto the plane without security clearance. The pilot is trying to sort it out right now.
After relaying this information, she walked back to the front of the plane, obviously frazzled. A moment later, a man went down the aisle towards her, looking worried. They had a heated discussion, during which I overheard her say, "No, there is no problem with the safety of this plane. I just made a mistake." Finally, she sighed and went into the cockpit, returning with the pilot. The man and the pilot had another heated discussion, which ended with the pilot saying, in obvious exasperation, to the flight attendant, "Fine, let him go!" The man returned back up the aisle, picked up his things and, with three other people, exited the plane.
About 10 minutes later, the flight attendant picked up the receiver again.
FA: Ladies and gentlemen, since we have lost four passengers from the rear, I need four passengers from the first four rows to please take their seats.
Four passengers good-naturedly got up and moved, joking about how they had never thought their weight would be of so much use on this flight. A few minutes later, the door was closed and the pilot came over the intercom.
Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. We now have our paperwork, our weight and what bags we could find. I apologize to the man who saw his bags on the runway - I tried to get them on the plane but apparently no-one at this airport has the authority to allow me to put them on my plane. They will, however, arrive in Toronto in the next few days and be delived to your house. We are now, finally, ready to take off. Thank you for your patience.
A few minutes later, we finally lifted off. The flight itself wasn't bad, though the turbulence as we lifted off was a little scary. In such a small plane, you can really feel everything and the weather was bad to start with. After a period of time during which I regretted not getting off the plane like the four people who had left earlier, the plane settled down and we had an uneventful flight into Toronto.
After deboarding and walking miles to customs, we were quickly questioned and let through. I believe we were the last flight of the night and that the customs people were too tired to really care whether we were terrorists or not =). After customs, we made our way to baggage pick-up and watched the 16 bags roll onto the conveyer belt. My bag, fortunately, was there, but Kevin's was not. Thus followed about 15 minutes of watching Kevin and most of the passengers on the plane fill out lost baggage forms at customer service before we finally headed out the gate and found Kevin's dad.
Thus ends my account of our adventures in Dulles International Airport, just outside Washington, D.C. In conclusion, I have two pieces of advice:
1) NEVER fly through Dulles. Period. EVER.
2) If you must fly through Dulles, NEVER fly on United Airlines. Actually, NEVER fly United.
Here's hoping I'll listen to my own advice in the future =).